Is my wife lazy or am I being oversensitive?

Question

For the last couple of months my wife has been moody and very unmotivated. She comes home from work and either sits and watches TV or wants to go to bed. She has been expecting me and her oldest daughter to handle all the day to day chores around the house and if we don't get them done it becomes a manipulative argument of how she does so much and we can not do a single thing right and how we don't respect her. I have four step children and I feel very overwhelmed takeing care of them when they're own mother won't even lead by example. For instance today I got up at 730am and made sure they kids were quite and let her sleep, then at around noon when she got up she came upstairs still in her underwear and started yelling at us. Then when I said something about lunch she said she had to shower and that I would have to handle it. It seems as though she would rather yell for me or one of the children for 5 minutes or more than to even get up and get herself a glass of water.

Answer 1

find out why she is so depressed? Something is really bothering her.. it could be guilt, low self esteem, something could have happened to her and you dont know about it. Talk to her friends or people she works with. She may not be happy with the way her life has turned out. She may have wanted more or something different. Instead of arguing with her, try to talk to her and the number one thing to do is pray for her.. Believe me .. it works..

Answer 2

Humm! You said this has been happening during the last couple of months? So this is not a regular pattern of behavior, and the family was counting on her support before? Suddenly she withdrew! Probably, it is not good idea to label a person 'lazy' for a sudden change in the last couple of months.

If this is a sudden change, there is more to this story. Your wife's age (change of life), depression (chemical imbalance), burned out (problems at work), middle age crisis. Sorry, there is not such a simple answer. You must talk to her, very honestly and showing how much you care. If there is no answer, then ask help from a trusted source, a family Dr;, pastor or priest, or involve a caring member of her family side (sister, aunt?). Don't let her feel ambushed, as 'all against her', but I agree with you, this is worrysome. Please act soon! Best of Luck!!!

Answer 3

It does sound like clinical depression. You need to gently ask her if she's feeling okay, and listen carefully. In a very sweet way, suggest that the two of you go to the doctor to see if he can help her with the "stress." That should be a nice, easy way to get her into the doctor's office without confrontation.

When setting up the doctor's appointment, let the receptionist/nurse know that you suspect depression, and make sure she alerts the doctor so he can look for the symptoms and red flags of the disease.

If he's seeing what I'm seeing, she will either get a second appointment at the doctor's office for more thorough testing or a referal to a psychologist/psychiatrist -- in both scenerios she will probably end up with a prescription for an anti-depressant.

This could make your life, her life, and the kids lives turn around completely for the better. Get her help before it gets worse, because this disease tends to spiral.

Answer 4

Something is troubling her.
Real or not real.
Her mind might be on brain over load....seriously.
She might be feeling guilt, resentment, depression, it could be anything.
I personally have to give you credit for what your doing.
You sound like a great guy.

When a child falls and hurts himself or herself, if you say , it doesn't hurt that much, the child will cry more, because you denied the reality of the situation.
If you say, wow, that must really hurt, then the problem is acknowledged.

Get my drift...acknowledge to her, that things must be really hard for her. Tell her that you feel for her. Give her a hug, and tell her that you understand, that she is going through a rough time and it will get better. Tell her she is a great mom, and it's hard to do as much as she does etc. etc.
This approach is a non attack approach and one that will make her feel like there is some hope of understanding.
No one likes to be the way she is being. She is just lost at this point.
It could be very simple, but it could be very serious, how she is feeling.
No matter what she says, she is just venting, just let her open up about what she is feeling. And try not to offer advice. She knows what to do, she just needs a non judgemental ear. She just needs to get it out of her system. Right now it has built up to much for her own good.

Answer 5

Sit down and have an open and honest conversation with her. If she's been moody and unmotivated for months, she could be depressed or having personal issues that you're unaware of. Ask her what's wrong or what problems she's been having. Sometimes showing concern and care can mean a lot to a person and help them open up. She could be struggling with discussing it those closest to her because of fear of disappointment or helplessness. And tell her how it's been affecting you and household and make her understand that you don't want things to continue the way that they are.

Answer 6

From what you've said, it seems she is experiencing depression. She needs assistance from her physician but only she can initiate that.
She will first have to notice a problem in her behavior before she can make a change. If you can try to be more sensitive to her needs and more supportive...possibly expressing that you're worried about her...it might help some. If you've been doing a lot of yelling at her and making sarcastic comments you'll need to give it some time as your concern at this point would only seem less than sincere. Good luck!

Answer 7

I have a feeling that you wife is going through a depression. If this continues, you should urge her to seek help from her doctor. There is medication that could lift her mood, called anti depressants. You are in a difficult situation because there are kids in the home, and you feel an obligation as a father to keep the household going, but from what you are describing, her actions are not normal. She does have many symptoms of depression. Is she going though menopause? You didn't mention her age or yours. But she should definitely see a doctor or a psychologist, as she has definite signs of clinical depression.

Answer 8

Sounds like a case of depression has got its hold on her. She needs an understanding ear and trip to the doctor. Remind her that you signed up for the partnership of marriage and that you want to do all you can to help her get back to being herself, but she really needs to start with a physical exam at her doctors. Something is going on inside her head that she can't handle on her own. It doesn't mean she's weak...it means she is overwhelmed with life at this time. Her irritability could be because of a hormonal or chemical imbalance--her doc will test her blood for such things. He can also put her in touch with a good therapist to talk to. Depression doesn't go away on its own. She needs help.

Tough situation for you to be in and my prayers are with you. Good luck.

Answer 9

Listen, something much more is going on with your wife. She might be depressed. Maybe you should have a talk with her and hint at her seeing a therapist. I would hate to see your marriage fail but from what you've written here.... it sounds like some sort of depression. The spring might help her, but hang in there. Sorry to hear your going through this.

Answer 10

She's either acting like a spoiled little cow or suffering from stress & depression. she is acting a bit spoiled though by shouting about having her water brought to her. maybe you need to try & find out whats wrong but stop running around her & let her get up & get her own water, she's got a bit of cheek I think. doesn't matter whether the kids are yours or not, that has nothing to do with it. you've got to stop being her lacky.
get her to the doctors mate, theres something wrong you know, but that doesn't excuse her behaviour though.