can anyone tell me the summaries to "the series of unfortunate events" books 1-9 (with endings)?

Question

it has to have an ending in the summary

Answer 1

Well, okay, but don't say you weren't warned, this will be long.
So you may as well veiw the link all the way down the bottom, if you'll get there.
[Warning] There are spoilers here.
(All of this was taken from Wikipedia, so i take no credit for it.)

The Bad Beginning:

Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are at Briny Beach one day when Mr. Poe, a banker and friend of their parents, arrives tell them that their house has burned down, and that their parents have died. The orphans live with Mr. Poe until he can find a guardian for them. He finally brings them with their nearest relative, Count Olaf.

Count Olaf, a dirty man with one eyebrow, shiny eyes, and a mysterious tattoo of an eye on his ankle, is a greedy man who wants to claim the Baudelaire fortune for himself. When he finds that he will not receive it, he treats the children like slaves and makes them to do difficult chores for himself and his acting troupe. The only relief the orphans find is the library of the kind next door neighbor, Justice Strauss, a judge who lets the children visit anytime.

One day he tells the orphans that his troupe is coming over to practice their play. He tells the orphans to make dinner for his troupe. They don't have any ingredients, but with Violet's smartness, they are able to make a meal. When the children complain to Mr. Poe, he explains to them that Olaf, who stands in loco parentis, may raise them in his own way. Olaf, who finds out about the visit apologizes to the children, and informs them that they may (or, it turns out, must) participate in a play he is showing, called The Marvelous Marriage. Olaf plays the hero of the play. Violet plays his bride.

The children spend the day at Justice Strauss' house, reading books, until Olaf's henchman, the Hook-Handed Man comes to fetch them. Klaus takes a book on nuptial law with him, and in reading it finally discovers Olaf's plan. The law says that two people are married if they sign a particular document, each in their own hand, in the presence of a judge. Olaf apparently plans to marry Violet during the play, in order to gain control of the fortune. When he confronts Count Olaf about it, he only smiles and laughs. Klaus runs up to waken his sisters only to find that Sunny is not there.

Count Olaf shows them that he had a henchman kidnap Sunny who is now in a birdcage, hanging out of the top window of the tower. Violet, meanwhile, invents a grappling hook to reach the top of the tower, only to be caught and locked with her brother at the top of the tower until the play begins.

The play is performed, but stops after the wedding scene, when Olaf announces that he is now really married to Violet. Justice Strauss attempts to find a loophole to save Violet, but the only objectable point is that Violet is underaged, which doesn't matter since she can still be married with a guardian's permission (since Olaf is her guardian, this point is shot down). When Sunny is returned, Violet announces that she is right-handed but signed the document with her left hand, which Justice Strauss agrees is a reason to declare the marriage invalid. Olaf escapes when one of his henchmen turns off the theater's lights. Before leaving, he whispers to Violet that he will always pursue the orphans until he has their fortune. Justice Strauss announces that she will adopt the orphans, but Mr. Poe tells her that a relative must care for them. He then drives away with the orphans.

The Reptile Room:

The second tale of the Baudelaire orphans begins with the children riding down Lousy Lane in Mr. Poe's cramped car, headed to the home of their new guardian, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, a herpetologist. According to Mr. Poe, Dr. Montgomery is the Baudelaire's "late father's cousin's wife's brother".

Dr. Montgomery, or Uncle Monty as he prefers to be called, is a short, chubby man with a round red face. He is much friendlier than their previous guardian, Count Olaf, giving the children free rein of the house. Monty tells the children that they will be going on an expedition to Peru, once his new assistant, Stephano, arrives. He says that his old assistant, Gustav, had suddenly resigned (Gustav could possibly be Gustav Sebald).

Monty treats the children well, and they are fascinated by the many snakes in the Reptile Room, a giant hall in which Monty's reptile collection is stored. They meet The Incredibly Deadly Viper, which Monty has only recently discovered. The snake's name is a misnomer since it is actually completely harmless; Monty intends to use it to play a practical joke on the Herpetologist Society in revenge for their ridiculing his name, Montgomery Montgomery. In the room, Violet is given the job of inventing traps for new snakes found in Peru. Klaus is told to read books on snakes to help advise Uncle Monty. Sunny's job is to bite ropes into usable pieces. She also plays with the Incredibly Deadly Viper, who becomes a friend of hers.

When Stephano arrives, the children quickly realize that he is actually Count Olaf in disguise. They wish to tell Monty, but Olaf threatens them with a knife. He is able to foil their attempts to warn Monty, but eventually their guardian realizes that something is wrong. He knows that Stephano is evil, but seems under the impression that he is an impostor sent to steal the Incredibly Deadly Viper. He explains this all to the astonished orphans and tears Stephano's ticket to Peru up, saying that Stephano will not be going on the trip with them. Olaf threatens the children privately later, hinting at some plot he has for them when they reach Peru. They tell him that Monty won't let him go with them and Olaf becomes furious. On the day they are to leave for Peru, they discover Monty's corpse in the Reptile Room. He has two tiny puncture holes under his eye, and Olaf claims that he has been bitten by a snake.

Olaf still intends to take the children to Peru, where he will more easily find a way to get his hands on their fortune. However, as they are leaving the estate, Olaf's car crashes into that of Mr. Poe. They return to the house, and Poe and Olaf discuss what to do with the children. The Baudelaires try to prove that it was Olaf who killed Monty. Dr. O. Lucafont (which is an anagram of Count Olaf), arrives and claims that it was the Mamba du Mal that killed Monty (ignoring the orphans' repeated claims that the Mamba du Mal was locked up all night and was still locked up).

Meanwhile, the children realize that they'll need evidence to expose Olaf's scheme. Klaus and Sunny stage a diversion where Sunny goes to the Incredibly Deadly Viper, and screams at the top of her lungs as it wraps itself around her and Klaus shouts for help. While Mr. Poe panics, Violet finds Olaf's suitcase and picks the lock. While this is going on, Olaf informs Mr. Poe that Sunny is not in danger, since the Viper is harmless. He quickly realizes that he has blown his cover by demonstrating this knowledge of snakes (he had previously insisted that he knew nothing about snakes to prove his innocence). Violet shows up and presents Mr. Poe with the evidence (among other things, a powder puff and the syringe used to inject snake venom into Monty). Mr. Poe asks Olaf to display his ankle, where the tattoo of an eye should be. However, the eye is not there. The Baudelaires insist that he has covered it with makeup. Mr. Poe wipes the ankle with a handkerchief, revealing the eye. Olaf flees the house, and it is discovered that Dr. Lucafont is actually Olaf's henchman, the Hook-Handed Man.

The novel concludes with Uncle Monty's reptile collection being taken away by a man named Bruce, and the Baudelaires being sent to their next home.

The Wide Window:

The Wide Window begins with the three Baudelaire children, Sunny, Klaus and Violet sitting at Damocles Dock after disembarking the Fickle Ferry, which had taken them across Lake Lachrymose. Mr. Poe, had arranged a taxi to take them to their new home. He then gives the children a bag of peppermints (which he always forgets they are allergic to) and sends them on their way.

The taxi pulls up a steep hill to a house which sits just off the side of the cliff, held there by spidery, metal-looking stilts. Inside, they find their next guardian, Aunt Josephine Anwhistle. Although she is a kind old woman, she is frightened by many things. Ever since her husband, Ike, died in Lake Lachrymose, she has developed many fears about the lake and her own kitchen appliances. She won't touch the phone, the radiator, the refrigerator, the doorknobs, and the oven. She also has a terrible fear of realtors. Aunt Josephine loves grammar and possesses an enormous library on the subject in her home. Within the library, there is an enormous window (for which The Wide Window is named), which overlooks the lake.

After the Baudelaires tell Aunt Josephine Hurricane Herman is coming, the children and their new guardian head down to town to obtain food and other house hold supplies. There they meet "Captain Sham," who is actually Count Olaf in disguise. The children try and warn Aunt Josephine, but they cannot prove Sham's disguise, since he has a wooden leg where the ankle bearing his tattoo of an eye should be. Furthermore, Aunt Josephine finds Captain Sham charming, and won't listen to the Baudelaires anyway.

Later that night, Captain Sham calls Aunt Josephine, who sends the children away when they try once more to warn her. The children are awakened later by a loud crash, and they rush to the library to find the Wide Window broken and their Aunt's suicide note.

The three siblings are shocked but suspicious because the note says that the children's new guardian will be Captain Sham and is filled with more spelling and grammar errors than they would have expected of Aunt Josephine. They reason that Olaf is behind it and call Mr. Poe. They cannot prove their suspicions, because the note is written in Josephine's hand writing. While Mr. Poe and Olaf are discussing matters at The Anxious Clown, the children purposefully start an allergic reaction with the peppermints Mr. Poe had given them, and escape back to the house. By this time, Hurricane Herman is already arriving on Lake Lachrymose. At the house, Klaus (who now has a swollen tongue because of the allergic reaction to the peppermints) discovers an encoded message in the suicide note. All the spelling and grammar mistakes in the note form the words "Curdled Cave." The children then scramble to find any kind of map of the lake to find out where the cave is. Shortly afterward, one of the supports holding Aunt Josephine's house in place is struck by lightning. The house then begins to fall off the cliffs edge while the Baudelaires try to get out before it can fall with them still inside. After narrowly escaping with their lives, the Baudelaires watch as their new home crumbles and falls into Lake Lachrymose.

The Baudelaires then hurry down to the docks, steal a ship from Captain Sham's company, and sail out in the middle of the hurricane to Curdled Cave, where they find their aunt hiding. Aunt Josephine claims that Olaf made her write the note, but rather than actually commit suicide she threw a chair through the window and went into hiding, leaving only the spelling code behind.

The Baudelaires convince her to join them, and they sail back across the lake, when they are attacked by the Lachrymose Leeches. The children are sure that the leeches won't attack, since they haven't consumed any food within the last hour. (The Leeches are blind and attack only if they smell food). However, Aunt Josephine admits to having eaten a banana shortly before the Baudelaires arrived. The Leeches ram the ship and are in the act of destroying it when Captain Sham rescues them in another boat. Josephine pleads with Olaf to spare her life, offering to give him the orphans and disguise herself, but Olaf throws Aunt Josephine into the water, where she is supposedly devoured by the leeches. He leaves Aunt Josephine to fend for herself, and takes the children with him.

Back at the docks, Mr. Poe is about to hand the children over to Sham when Sunny bites into Sham's fake wooden leg. When it breaks off, he tries to get away with it by saying his leg somehow came back. However, Sunny already revealed his real leg and the tattoo of an eye on his ankle. Having been once more discovered, Olaf flees and leaves the children miserable, cold, and in search of a new guardian.

The Miserable Mill:

The Miserable Mill begins with Sunny, Klaus and Violet Baudelaire traveling with Mr. Poe on a train set off for Paltryville. When they arrive at Paltryville, Mr. Poe departs, and leaves the children to head for their new home, the Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Along the way, the children see a building in the shape of an eye.

Upon arrival, the children learn that they will have to work at the mill, and as part of the deal, Sir, their new guardian, will try to keep Count Olaf, their nemesis, away. They meet Charles, who is Sir's partner, who shows them the library, which contains three books, one about the history of the lumbermill, one about the town constitution, and one donated by Dr. Orwell, the local ophthalmologist, who lives in the eye shaped building.

Klaus is purposely tripped by the new and, in their opinion, annoying foreman, Flacutono (which is an anagram of Count Olaf), breaks his glasses, and is sent to see Dr. Orwell. When Klaus returns, hours later, he acts very strangely, as if in a trance. The next day in the lumbermill, the foreman instructs Klaus to operate a stamping machine. Klaus causes an accident by dropping the machine on Phil, an optimistic coworker. Phil says an unfamiliar word, and the other workers ask what it means. Klaus, who is suddenly back to normal, defines the word. Klaus explains that he doesn't remember what happened. Foreman Flacutono trips him again, once again causing his glasses to break. This time though, Violet and Sunny go with him to the doctor.

Together, they go to the eye shaped building. They knock on the door and Orwell opens it. She holds a cane in her hand. She is very pleasant, and tells Violet and Sunny to sit in the waiting room. She mentions "attracting flies with honey". Violet and Sunny wonder about this before finding Count Olaf disguised as Shirley, a female receptionist. Violet realizes that Dr. Orwell is the "honey" and that they have been the "flies". She also learns that Klaus has been (and is being) hypnotized by Orwell, who is in cahoots with Count Olaf. They leave with Klaus, who is once again in a trance.

When they return to the lumbermill, they find a note instructing them to see Sir. He tells them that if there is another accident, he'll place them under Shirley's care.

Violet and Sunny put Klaus to bed, and then go to the library. They read the book donated by Orwell, using the table of contents to find a chapter on hypnotism among the other chapters on eyes. Violet learns that Orwell's technique uses a command word to control the subject and an "unhypnotize" word. They then hear the lumbermill starting early, and rush to see what is happening.

They find that Charles is strapped to a log which is going to go through a buzz saw, that Klaus is pushing the log in, and that Foreman Flacutono is giving orders. Violet learns the command word (Lucky), and a big fight ensues where Violet and Sunny order Klaus to release Charles and Flacutono orders him to continue. Olaf and Orwell arrive, the latter using (lucky) tells Klaus to not listen to his sisters. However, Violet remembers the word which Phil said to unhypnotize Klaus (inordinate), and says the word. Sunny and Orwell have a fight, with swords and teeth, and Orwell falls into the path of the buzz saw, slicing and killing her. And Sunny, who was right near the saw when this tragedy occurred, was no doubt partly covered with the spatter from the saw blade. Violet is caught by Olaf and Flacutono. Klaus manages to set Charles free. About that time, Mr. Poe and Sir arrive, and the Baudelaires explain to them what has happened.

Olaf is locked in the library and the story concludes with him throwing Orwell's book through the window, and climbing out along with Foreman Flacutono. Sir sends the Baudelaires to a boarding school (Prufrock Preparatory School).

The Austere Academy:

The book begins with the Baudelaire orphans and Mr. Poe on the grounds outside of the school, Prufrock Preparatory School (Prufrock Prep. for short). Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire meet Carmelita Spats, a rude girl who calls the Baudelaire orphans "cakesniffers". Mr. Poe tells the children to go to Vice Principal Nero's office. On their way there, they notice the schools' motto: Memento Mori (Remember You Will Die).

They soon meet Vice Principal Nero. He explains the absurd rules of Prufrock Prep., and tells them that his advanced computer system will keep their enemy, Count Olaf, away. He also tells them about the fine dormitories they have, but that unless students have parental permission, they must sleep on hay in a tin shack (known as the Orphan's Shack). He considers himself to be a genius, and thinks that he plays the violin well, but in fact he is stupid and arrogant, and cannot play the violin at all.

The Baudelaire orphans find that the shack is crawling with crabs, dripping fungus and has horrible wallpaper (green with pink hearts). The orphans then go to lunch, where two women with metal masks serve them their food. Carmelita Spats mocks them again as they try to sit down. They are somewhat rescued by Duncan and Isadora Quagmire. The Quagmires tell about themselves. They are in a similar situation to that of the Baudelaire orphans. They are triplets, but their brother, Quigley Quagmire, died in a fire along with their parents. They, like the Baudelaire orphans, were left an enormous fortune (in the form of sapphires). Duncan would like to be a journalist, and Isadora is a competent poet (particularly in the form of couplets). They both have notebooks, which they use often. They become good friends with the Baudelaire orphans.

Violet's teacher, Mr. Remora, is a man who tells very short, dull stories while eating bananas, and the children take notes. Klaus's teacher, Mrs. Bass, has an irritating obsession with the metric system. She makes her students measure countless objects, then she writes the measurements on the board. Because Prufrock Prep doesn't have a class for babies, Sunny becomes Nero's administrative assistant.

They are then introduced to Coach Genghis. The Baudelaire orphans immediately recognize him as Count Olaf in disguise, but pretend not to recognize him. He makes an unusual remark about how orphans have stronger legs. Then they all rush to the auditorium to listen to Vice Principal Nero's daily concert, where they are forced, along with the rest of the school, to listen to his violin playing. At the concert, the Baudelaire orphans decide that they will go to Vice Principal Nero's office the next day to drop hints about Olaf. However, when they attempt to do this, Count Olaf enters. The Baudelaire orphans try to jokingly unmask him, but he eludes them.

At lunch, Carmelita Spats delivers the message that the Baudelaire orphans are to meet Coach Genghis on the front lawn at sundown. Olaf makes them paint a circle, and then run "Special Orphan Running Exercises" (S.O.R.E.) laps around the luminous circle at night, for nine days. As the Baudelaire orphans run the laps, they become tired. This causes Violet and Klaus to fail their tests, being too exhausted to be able to tell one end of a metric ruler from another. Sunny is unable to find any staples.

Vice Principal Nero tells the children that if they keep failing their tests, they are going to be tutored by Coach Genghis, and that Sunny will be fired. He says that they will have extra-hard comprehensive exams the next morning. He also demands that they give him candy and give Carmelita earrings, in recompense for their bad behavior.

The Quagmires disguise themselves as the Baudelaire orphans, get a sack of flour to represent Sunny, and do the exercises for them so that the Baudelaire orphans can study and make staples. The Quagmires leave their notebooks, known as commonplace books, with Violet and Klaus so that they can study. Violet invents a staple-making device (using a small crab, a potato, metal rods, creamed spinach, and a fork) and makes staples while Klaus reads the notebooks.

The next morning, Vice Principal Nero and the two teachers (Mr. Remora and Mrs. Bass) come to the Orphans Shack. They test Violet and Klaus, and give Sunny a stack of papers to staple. Then Coach Genghis arrives. He discovers, by trying to kick Sunny, that the Sunny has been substituted with a sack of flour. Olaf uncovers the Quagmires' disguises as a result, and gives them canteen duty. The orphans, unable to stand it any longer, attempt to reveal that Coach Genghis is Count Olaf. About that time, Mr. Poe comes to deliver the candy and earrings. Vice Principal Nero tells him that the orphans have been caught cheating, and announces that the Baudelaire orphans are going to be expelled.

The Baudelaire orphans tell Mr. Poe that Coach Genghis is Count Olaf. Count Olaf runs out of the shack, and as the orphans look under the arch, they see him kidnapping the Quagmires. The two lunch ladies with metal masks are revealed as being Count Olaf's assistants, the white faced women, when they remove their masks. The orphans see Olaf's assistants shoving the Quagmires into an old car. Before they close the door, Duncan yells to the Baudelaire orphans "Look in the notebooks! V.F.D.!" before they are captured. Unfortunately, Olaf steals the notebooks before they drive away. The orphans are then taken away to be placed with another guardian.

The Ersatz Elevator

As the story begins, the Baudelaire orphans are brought to their new guardians by Mr. Poe. As they approach 667 Dark Avenue, the Baudelaires' new home, they see very tall huge trees that block the sunlight. The doorman, who is dressed in a long coat that covers his hands, explains to them that they won't be able to use the elevator to get to the penthouse dwelling of their guardians, not because it is out of order, but because the neighborhood recently decided that elevators and light are no longer "in". Mr. Poe -- recently promoted to his bank's Vice President in Charge of Orphan Affairs -- departs for a helicopter ride in search of the Quagmire triplets, leaving the Baudelaire orphans to walk the 84 flights to the penthouse.

After a detailed description of the long, dark march upwards, the Baudelaires come to the penthouse. As the door is opened, they are welcomed by Jerome Squalor who leads them through several rooms as dark as the street and lobby. He offers them aqueous martinis (actually just water in a fancy glass with an olive) and introduces them to his wife Esmé Squalor who is a very "in" person and the city's sixth most important financial advisor. She explains everything that is "in" and "out," such as orphans being "in". Then they get a phone call that says light is "in" and dark is "out", resulting in all of the trees being cut down. The orphans wonder what would happen if orphans were "out". They then pick their rooms. Violet chooses the room with a work bench although tools are "out". Klaus picks the room next to the library that is full of "in" books on what is "in".

Esmé later mentions that it is boring to listen to the Baudelaires' worries about the Quagmire triplets. She gives them pinstripe suits she has bought for them because they are very "in" (even though Jerome wanted to give the Baudelaires gifts that would better appeal to their personal interests). However, the pinstripe suits are too big but they go to put them on. Esmé mentions that they will go to Café Salmonella, an "in" restaurant. She tells them that she will stay at the penthouse with Gunther and discuss the "In" Auction which she explains is an auction that you sell everything that is "in". She says Gunther will be the auctioneer.

The Baudelaires go to try on their pinstripes when Gunther approaches with the element of surprise. They quickly learn he is Count Olaf. He has a monocle to disguise his eyebrow and boots to disguise his eye tattoo. He uses a funny accent and wears a pinstripe to look "in". Then Esmé and Jerome come and Jerome takes them to Café Salmonella, which the Baudelaires don't enjoy, not because of the bad food, but the thought of Gunther. Jerome explains to them he thinks they are being xenophobic. He also explains his philosophy about never arguing (his example is that he went to this restaurant to please Esme, even though he didn't like it).

When they arrive home the doorman says nobody is allowed up to the penthouse until Gunther leaves and he says he hasn't. Jerome explains that he may be on his way down and so the doorman lets them go. When they reach the penthouse Esmé tells them that Gunther left a long time ago.

The next day Jerome offers to take the children to a tailor to fix their pinstripes but Esmé says he must go pick up the new "in" drink, parsley soda. So the children are alone and decide to search the penthouse for Gunther. They find nothing, so they decide to look for him in the other apartments by listening. They reach the bottom and find nothing but the fact that the building is 66 stories high. The doorman is putting up decorations on the elevator and mentions that solutions are often right in front of people. Klaus begins to think really hard. At that time Esmé and Jerome come in with crates of parsley soda. They climb the staircase while Esmé is talking, Klaus is thinking, and the rest are quiet.

That night Klaus tells his sister that there is one elevator on each floor except for top floor which has two. They go to investigate and find one is an ersatz elevator. They then make an ersatz rope out of cords, ties, and curtains. They climb down and find the Quagmires trapped in a large cage. They say Gunther is trying to put them in an object in the auction and then have an associate bid the highest and smuggle them out of the city. Violet says she could melt and bend the metal cage and they go back up to make the invention. They find three fire tongs and warm them up in one of the 50 or so ovens in the penthouse. They climb back down to find the Quagmires had been taken by Count Olaf again. They are very grieved and go back up to the penthouse.

There they find a note from Jerome that says he has left and that Esmé will take them to the auction. Klaus decides to look in the auction catalogue to see if they can find the lot that the Quagmires will be put in to. They decide on lot #50, V.F.D. When they go to tell Esmé she agrees with them and grabs them. They calmly walk out the door and she leads them to the ersatz elevator. She opens the door and pushes them down the shaft. But they don't hit the ground. They hit a net and become trapped. Esmé laughs and says that Olaf is a wonderful person and that he was her acting teacher. She leaves them and goes to the auction.

Sunny uses her teeth to climb up the shaft. Violet tells her to get the ersatz rope and jump down here. Sunny bites a hole in the net and they attach the rope to the pegs that hold up the net. They climb through the hole till they reach the bottom. At the bottom are Violet's ersatz welding torches. They use those as light to travel down the hall at the bottom. When they reach the end of the long hall they don't know what to do. They try getting someone's attention by banging on the ceiling and ash comes down. They find it's a trap door and they use the tongs to pry the door open. It works and when they get out they find the Baudelaire Mansion that had been burnt down.

They rush to Veblen Hall (where the auction is) and walk inside. They see a huge crowd of people and Mr. Poe is one of them along with Jerome. One peculiar factor in this scene is that Jerome is seen eating a salmon puff, even though earlier in the book he stated that he can't stand the taste of salmon. This could be reason to believe that Jerome might be in disguise or stated that he didn't like salmon for some unknown reason. Gunther and Esmé are on the stage where they are just auctioning off Lot #46. They tell Jerome and Mr. Poe to buy them Lot #50 as a present. Then Lot #48 (which is a statue of a red herring) to the doorman. He tells his "boss" that they're here. Gunther skips Lot #49 and goes right to #50 which is a big box. Mr. Poe and Jerome back down and then Sunny bids 1,000 dollars on it. The Baudelaires rush up and tear the box open only to reveal Very Fancy Doilies. Count Olaf's identity is revealed when he slips on a doily and his boots and monocle come off, and he and Esmé run out of the auction hall. The audience try to chase them, but get into a hopeless tangle when slipping on the doilies and tumbling down. It turns out that the doorman is The Hook-Handed Man, and the Quagmires are in the red herring statue (the red herring is both literal and figurative.). Although Jerome wants to keep the Baudalaires, he insists on taking them far away. They refuse this, however, because they want to rescue the Quagmires. The story ends when Jerome is forced to give them up, because he is too cowardly to help them.

The Vile Village:

The book begins when the Baudelaires are in Mr. Poe's office, looking at The Daily Punctilio (a poorly written newspaper full of lies about the Quagmires and Count Olaf). Mr. Poe gives a brochure to the Baudelaire orphans, because a new program allows an entire village to serve as guardian. The children naturally choose V.F.D., an acronym which the two Quagmire triplets discovered is part of a terrible secret somehow related to Count Olaf.

The children depart for the unknown V.F.D. by bus. Unfortunately, the stop for V.F.D. is several miles ahead, so the children have to walk a long way, until they reach the city, which is covered in crows. They enter the town hall and become acquainted with the Council of Elders, who proclaim that they will do all the chores for the entire village. Beginning tomorrow, they are responsible for anything that anyone asks them to do. They also meet Officer Lucciana, the new head of police. The children then are sent to live with Hector, the handyman who will feed them, clothe them, and make sure they do all the chores like cleaning the new Fowl Fountain, and he is also responsible for teaching them all of the rules of V.F.D, so they won't do any more terrible things. They also learn that the crows stay downtown in the morning, uptown at afternoon, and at Nevermore Tree at night.

The Baudelaires learn that V.F.D. stands for the Village of Fowl Devotees. The Baudelaires get their first perspective on Hector's house, the barn, and the Nevermore Tree. Hector shows the Baudelaires the following couplet, which he says was found at the base of Nevermore Tree.

"For sapphires we are held in here, Only you can end our fear"
The Baudelaires begin to trust Hector. They discuss the Quagmires and consider the fact that they might be somehow sending them pleas for help in those poems. They also discover a new poem, though the tree is kept under surveillance the whole night.

The Baudelaires do the chores, while thinking about the latest poem that dropped.

Until dawn comes we cannot speak, No words can come from this sad beak.
They think really hard until one of the members of the Council of Elders comes and reports that Count Olaf has been captured. They are to report immediately to the Town Hall. The Baudelaires discover that it is not Count Olaf who has been captured, but instead, a man named Jacques - a man who has one eyebrow and a tattoo of an eye on his ankle. Though the children insist that he is innocent, no one listens to the children. The next day he is to be burned at stake.

That night the Baudelaires construct a plan. Sunny keeps watch at Nevermore Tree to see where the poems are coming from. Klaus reads up on the rules of V.F.D. and sees if a rule can get Jacques out of trouble. And Violet helps construct the hot-air balloon device, for it will be a useful escape device if Count Olaf comes after them.

Violet goes through the machine, Sunny discovers that the crows are delivering the poems, and Klaus discovers that a rule allows the accused to make a speech explaining himself. He also finds out that mob psychology can make people demand Jacques' freedom. If a few people say something, mob psychology can make everyone demand the same thing. Sunny also discovers a verse that night:

The first thing you read contains the clue, An initial way to speak to you.
When the children run to the uptown jail where Jacques is being held, they learn that he has been murdered. Detective Dupin (the detective investigating the crime) walks out and it is revealed that he is Count Olaf in disguise. Detective Dupin accuses the Baudelaires as murdering Count Olaf. He claims that he has Violet's hair ribbon, Klaus's glasses and Sunny's teeth mark is on the body. The people ignore the fact that the orphans have solid alibis and the children are quickly locked up inside the Deluxe Cell and told by Count Olaf that one of them will make a great escape before the burning and he gives them a choice of who wants to live.

Klaus realizes that it is his 13th birthday. At that time Officer Lucianna comes in and brings them water and bread. Violet, after some hard thinking thinks up a way to escape. Violet explains that the bricks of the wall can be made soft. By tilting the bench and pouring the water onto the bread, the bread will act like a sponge. They squeeze the bread at the top of the tilted bench, and it runs down the bench, runs down the wall and into the bread placed at the bottom. They do this all night and into the morning. Hector comes and tells them that if they break out, he has the hot-air balloon ready. He also gives them the daily couplet:

"Inside these letters the eye will see, Nearby are your friends and V.F.D."
They break free of the jail using a battering ram that is really a wooden bench, and reread the poems.

For sapphires we are held in here.
Only you can end our fear.
Until dawn comes we cannot speak.
No words can come from this sad beak.
The first thing you read contains the clue.
An initial way to speak to you.
Inside these letters the eye will see.
Nearby are your friends and V.F.D.
They figure out that sapphires refer to the Quagmires. They know that they are uptown, since it says they cannot speak until dawn, as the crows stay uptown at morning. And finally they figure out that the initial one to speak to them is not V.F.D., but the first letter in each verse. It spells out FOUNTAIN. They rush over to Fowl Fountain and manage to open the beak, revealing the damp Quagmires.

At this point they must run to Hector's. The Quagmires explain that Count Olaf locked them in the tower of his house. Then he had his associates build the fountain. The Quagmires tied the couplet to the crows feet every morning. They try to tell the Baudelaires that the man who died - Jacques Snicket - is the brother of Lemony Snicket, but people see them and they must run. They reach Hector's and the Quagmires get up in the balloon. Then Officer Lucianna comes with a harpoon gun and shoots the rope so the Baudelaires can't get up. The Quagmires throw their notebooks down to the orphans, but they are hit with a harpoon along with a crow. Then Detective Dupin (accidentally) reveals himself as Count Olaf by removing his sunglasses. The book ends with Count Olaf (unmasked) riding away on a motorcycle with Officer Lucianna (Esmé Squalor) chasing. Sunny gets up and walks for the first time while they try to get as many of the pages as possible. Although the citizens are still convinced of the children's guilt, a crow was injured by Esme's harpoon gun and must be tended to first. The Baudalaires decide to run away from the police.

The Hostile Hospital:

This is the darkest book in the series since The Miserable Mill. While the children are not forced into exhausting manual labor, they are more alone than they have ever been, without a guardian of any kind or a stranger discerning enough to surmise that not everything printed in The Daily Punctilio is true. They nearly find such a friend in Hal, the elderly, visually impaired director of the Library of Records in the hospital in which they find themselves, but the orphans are forced to do something that causes him to lose his trust in them, in turn causing Violet to question whether they are becoming too much like the villains they are trying to escape.

The orphans are initially glad to find themselves at the hospital with the Volunteers Fighting Disease, an excessively cheerful group who pass out heart-shaped balloons and sing the same annoying song over and over in an attempt to spread good will but never stop long enough to do anything for the patients that might actually be useful. Could this finally be the VFD they’ve been searching for? And when the opportunity arises for them to work in the Library of Records, their luck seems to be holding. Perhaps one of the files, when combined with the shreds of notes gleaned from the notebooks of Duncan and Isadora Quagmire, will provide them with enough information to solve some of the mysteries in which they have become entwined. But none of them is prepared for what they actually do find in the file drawer, and it only adds more complexity to their plight.

Snicket’s signature style continues to amuse, though I didn’t find myself laughing out loud that often in this volume. There are serious problems afoot. Count Olaf has inevitably shown up again with Esme Squalor in tow, and they plan to do a cranioectomy on Violet while dozens of people watch. In The Miserable Mill, Violet and Sunny had to work together without their brother’s help as they strove to save him. Now, Klaus and Sunny must attempt to rescue Violet without the aid of one of her brilliant inventions. It won’t be easy.

But lighter moments do occur. The members of the VFD are comical, somewhere between a clown troupe and a band of hippies. It’s nice to have such cheerful people around in the midst of this gloom, even if their happiness is more aggravating than helpful. There are Snicket’s patently absurd metaphors to enjoy, and for the first time we get a good look at Olaf’s henchmen when they are off-duty. Moreover, there is another puzzle to be solved by astute readers. Who is Ana Gram, and what does she have to do with Violet, who has been so viciously abducted by a poorly disguised Esme? Can we figure out what Count Olaf is up to before Klaus and Sunny do, or will we find ourselves muttering, as Sunny is wont to do at this juncture, the word that is to The Hostile Hospital what “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” is to Mary Poppins -- except that it does little to make the one speaking it feel better?

The Carniverous Carnival:

The story begins where the Baudelaires are listening to Count Olaf and his troupe. They talk about a woman named Madame Lulu. Madame Lulu has told Count Olaf where the Baudelaires are hidden each time they move. Count Olaf and his troupe depart the car and Baudelaires then make it out of the trunk of Count Olaf's car through some clever lockpicking on the part of Violet Baudelaire. The orphans decide that they must be disguised, so they listen in on Madame Lulu's caravan in Caligari Carnival where she works as a fortune-teller. They hear her explaining to Olaf that her carnival needs more customers otherwise they may close. They also recognize the accent of Lulu, which is the same accent Olaf used when disguised as Gunther.

They return to the car and use Count Olaf's disguises. They disguise themselves as freaks for the carnival's House of Freaks. Sunny Baudelaire wraps herself in a beard (the beard Count Olaf used when he disguised himself as Stephano, a lab assistant, earlier in the series.) and goes as a wolf/baby. Violet and Klaus Baudelaire stuff into one large shirt as a two headed person with highly differing voices. They knock on the door and Madame Lulu answers it. She is a woman in a robe of different colors, and has a chain with an eye. She also has the same turban as Count Olaf used as he disguised himself as Coach Genghis. They ask to be freaks in the carnival and Lulu asks for their names. Violet quickly comes up with fake names. She states that her name is Beverly, Klaus's name as Elliot, and Sunny's as Chabo the Wolf Baby. She accepts them after a humiliating act for Olaf and the troupe and leads her to a caravan with three people inside. Colette is a contortionist, Hugo is a hunchback, and Kevin is a seemingly ordinary person who is ambidextrous.

The next morning the Hook-Handed Man knocks on their door and says to hurry up, and that when Olaf asked the question Is one Baudelaire parent still alive? to the crystal ball, the answer was Yes and that they are up in the Mortmain Mountains. The freaks get ready for the show and walk into a tent with a few people in it. After some rude acts, they return to the caravan and sit on the steps. Olaf arrives with a pack of lions for a lion's pit will be made. They will then select a freak and push them into the pit.

The orphans go back to Lulu's tent to consult her, and discover the V.F.D. symbol on the outside, a secret archival library under the tablecloth, and that the act of her fortune-telling is just some ropes and pulleys. When they are investigating the library, the tablecloth shakes, causing Lulu's crystal ball to fall and shatter. Lulu comes back in angry, but the orphans are unafraid, knowing that she gets all her info from the secret library while the guests are amused with a load of bells and whistles. Lulu breaks down and throws off her disguise, revealing herself as a woman named Olivia who just wants to give people what they want. She is revealed as a member of V.F.D. and tells them about the V.F.D. disguise kit and a schism which happened in the V.F.D., pitting former members against each other but she is unsure as to how the schism had started in the first place. Violet notes that the crystal ball has a fan belt that could be used to power the cars from the nearby roller coaster and that the orphans and Olivia could use it to escape to the Mortmain Mountains. Olaf comes, Lulu gets a new crystal ball, and everyone puts on their disguises. The orphans are shooed out, and go back to the caravan.

Debate ensues on who will be thrown judged by their freakishness. That night Esmé Squalor comes to their caravan in an I Love Freaks outfit. She tells them that if they are picked to be thrown in, they should throw Madame Lulu in instead. If they do that they will be part of Count Olaf's theater troupe. The next morning the orphans go and get the coaster carts ready. They return to the tent and Olaf comes out with an evil smile.

As the day comes, the audience arrive, and in any civilized society they would be regarded as bloodthirsty, sadistic maniacs. One woman is shown to be the reporter who broke the story that the Baudelaires murdered Count Omar. Olaf dramatically unfolds a paper that will show who is to be devoured by lions, and the orphans are picked. They use their knowledge on crowd control to lead the argument away from final bloodshed. A fight ensues on who will push them in, and Madame Lulu along with the fanbelt and one of Olaf's associates (the long nosed man) fall in to a bloody spectacle.

The orphans go to the tent and find a map of the mountains with a stain on it. Olaf and Esmé walk in and Olaf states that the stain on the map means that the secret base is there. Olaf gives the Baudelaires a torch, burning down the camp. The orphans escape along with a seemingly unsuspecting Olaf, and Olaf recruits the other freaks. They all jump in Olaf's car or the caravan being towed by it. Violet and Klaus are in the caravan and Sunny is in the car. Olaf then reveals that Lulu told him that they are the Baudelaires, and the newly recruited freaks cut the caravan off the car to their seemingly imminent deaths.

Thats it for the first 9 books, after them there's The Slippery Slope, The Grim Grotto, The Penultimate Peril and The End.

All of this was taken from Wikipedia, so i take no credit for it.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

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Answer 4

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