I've got 3 sons. Their father, had not seen them from 03-14-06 & we agreed that we'd meet @ our local park on 03-09-07. I took them to the park, so it would be on neutral ground, & he brought his niece. We left the park & he promised my sons (more than once) that he'd meet us again yesterday. He called me on Saturday night after we got home sayin',how he saw how unfair he's been to our boys & he wanted to be there for them. Yesterday, I called him numerous times to see if he was going to be able to go still & he never answered. My sons were heartbroken & worried that something had happened to him. I took them to the park like we planned in hopes that their dad would show up & he never did. I'm just wonderin' if it would be better to just cut our losses & be done, or if I should tough it out so they can have some sort of relationship( if you can even call it that) w/ their dad. I just don't get how or why he'd make such a big production of the whole thing.
2007-03-11 11:46:14 · 13 answers · asked by MaMaMiLaJo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Any suggestions appreciated. Trying to raise better men.
2007-03-11 11:47:26 · update #1
MY ex husband does not see his kids like he should. I use to have to make up excuses for him. Right now he is seeing them about every 2 weeks or so. Until the next "girl" comes along, that is. The way I handle it, is that I simply do not tell my children they are seeing their father. When he calls and says he is on the way, I know I have a good hour or two before he shows up. Then I tell the kids to get ready, that their father will be here to pick them up. I am sorry that this man has put you in this position. He is very selfish. Just tell your kids that they have you and you bf or husband if you have one, Grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. Tell them how loved they are and how fortunate they are to have what they have. Tell them that their father is just missing out on the greatest thing on earth, because you know how wonderful they are. They will be hurt, but they will realize that what they have is the most important thing on earth. Good luck.
2007-03-11 16:32:14 · answer #1 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once you get in touch with him, let him know how the kids felt. How worried they were. Then ask him how does he want to see his children? What would work for him. But express to him that when he does see his sons to show up. To call if he's late and/or can't make it. You didn't say how old the boys are, so if they are old enough, have them talk with their dad on a daily basis. In other words let the boys have access to their dad. If he keeps leaving them flat and breaking promises you can call family services to see if they can refer you to a place that will help you arrange visitations for your sons and their dad. I applaud you for being such a great mom. It's the hardest job on earth. The problem with some dad's is that they think that if they are no longer with the "mom" then they shouldn't be in the picture. Which is totally the opposite. God Bless and good luck.
2007-03-11 12:06:38 · answer #2 · answered by rencar32002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a tough spot to be in!
I would say to try to allow him to be in their lives as much as possible (within reason of course, can't be running all over to meet him if he never shows up), and I say this because I am the oldest of 3 sons and my dad died (drunk driving) when I was 8, so I didn't get to know him too well, and looking back now (I am 35) I would have loved to have known him somewhat, even if I only knew him as a drunk.
That's such a hard situation, but if they are still young (the boys) then do whatever you think will be best.
2007-03-11 11:56:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old your sons are, but I would take them to the park, without telling them that he's coming. That way if he doesn't show up, the kids won't be let down, and you'll have had a nice day at the park together.
2007-03-11 12:09:57 · answer #4 · answered by chester 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
every son in this universe wants a relationship with their father if at all possible, do what you need to--to make this man some part of their lives-- give them some sort of good memories.
please do not bad mouth him or act as disappointed as you are-kids get too much drama as it is today, tell them nicely that all people have disappointments, this is a part of life.
here's a true saying ''lower your expectations'' you may not like that but it's wise. always try to have some kind of little alternative to do with the boys--even if its just KFC.
be nice to you x for now, childhood flies by--how about set up a bowling date or just invite him over for a meal, this isn't about you two--its about boys--do not give your x a guilt trip-- i know he's probably a loser but you must think of the boys, see this as temp. the rest of their lives it won't be up to you, only for now. He probably brought his neice along because some men find little girls less 'threatening', less obtrusive. he can't handle being alone with his boys--this is some issue he has for whatever reason. you have no power over this man but you do have control over how your boys re-act.
2007-03-11 12:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live with someone like this. He makes plans and then stands people up if something better to do comes along. Your ex's behavior will emotional damage the children if they keep thinking they are going to see him and then he never shows up. I've been there and I imagine you are very very angry (to say the least). Tell him that he should always follow through with what he promises his children. I swear, men these days.
2007-03-11 11:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by StormyC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would leave your ex sometime of message via phone or email and ask look if you want to be part of these boys lives then do it but dont get their hopes by playing games....and if next time we make an appointment to visit call if you cant make it, and next time this incident happens like it did I will not make any attempt to continue for you to play these games with our sons....
2007-03-11 12:06:25 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he's dead or in the hospital, there's no excuse. I was kept from my son's for over a year at a time. As a dad I couldn't stand it
If your not keeping him from them then there's no excuse, I would talk to a social worker or an atty. about him having supervised visitations.
2007-03-11 11:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same b.s. I stopped trying to get him to see my kids.They were getting hurt all the time.You can't make him see your kids.Neither could I.
2007-03-11 11:55:32 · answer #9 · answered by mosrider2002 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, maybe not cut your losses completely, but at least show your boys that this is not how they should be as men, perhaps they will learn their lesson
2007-03-11 12:00:03 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋