Do people change, or deserve second chances???

Question

I've been seperated for some time know, and my ex want's to get back together, we have a child and he's good with him but sometimes i'm so unsure of it all as when we were together he was the biggest jerk, never cared about me how he should of and i did for him, on top of it all, he left me, know he want's another chance as he say's he would never make the same mistake and he realizes everything, i don't know if he's worth it, or if people really change, i don't want to put myself or our child through any bad situation, but i see he's trying a bit and some say people deserve another chance but i dont know if i should it has been 4 years but what do u think???

Answer 1

I agree with the first answer, but I would also like to add, that I wouldnt be agreeing to anything until both of you underwent counselling.....dont just let him move in and take up where he left off....you have to be sure you are doing the right thing....so, yes, do all the things the first answerer said, but also insist on counselling.....this is the rest of your life you are talking about. You have probably learnt a lot about yourself in the 4 years too, so maybe you dont want him back. The same thing happened to me. I went through a terrible time when we separated...he went to counselling and I believed he was sincere. He appeared to be a changed man....he came back 4 years later too and wanted to come back. I had changed.....I didnt know when it happened, but somewhere in that 4 years I stopped loving him...I didnt hate him either....I just didnt have any feelings for him anymore. So, you really need to ask youself....is it what you want? Do you still love him like you did 4 years ago? People change, thats for sure, but maybe the question you should be asking is have you changed?

Take care, just dont go along with what he wants...search your feelings and decide if you really want him back.

Answer 2

Some people can and do change, especially when there's a lot at stake. The part of your question that bothers me is "I see he's trying a bit". I don't know what the circumstances are behind your separation but if he really wants you in his life he'd better have a firm understanding on what you and your child need. If someone wanted a reconciliation with me, they'd better show it more than "a bit".
Only you know what has brought you to this point. If there wasn't any abuse or infidelity, and if you feel 100% safe in going back to him, then you may want to give it a shot. But if the behavior that led to the separation starts showing up again, it would be a huge indication that some things just never change. Consider your child above all. Is this guy a great dad? Will he be a good influence? Good luck and don't make any quick decisions. Take your time and consider all of your possibilities.

Answer 3

I agree with most of the comments...I agree people can and do change, and if you care about them they are definately worth a 2nd chance. BUT I would first make sure the change is in actions not just words.

Have you seen changes in him from when you were together? Has he been treating you differently at times when he is not trying to convince you he changed?

I think the wisest thing to do is take it VERY slow, agree to spend some time with him and put these changes to the test before you jump back in, both for your sake and your childs. I would suggest seeing him alone, without your child being a part of it. (Both for you two and mostly to not confuse them). Also you need to be sure that what is between the 2 of you is working, not just as parents. I would date, talk, spend time, and see if you can build back to something better and stronger. And I would let him know it will be a long time to be sure...I'd suggest at least a year.

If he's not willing to do that, then I think you have your answer that he has not changed. And if he is, well time will give you a clear answer. Best of luck to you!!

Answer 4

Why did you have child with someone who didn't treat you right? I'm gonna leave that one alone.

People can change if they want to. But remember he is the one who left you. He decided that you weren't good enough to meet whatever expectations that he had. He walked out on you and your child. Like I said people can change but I don't think that he really has. In most cases like yours the person wants to come back because they want the stability of a committed relationship. He thought that it would be better to have a new girlfriend but after a lot of tries he probably realized that it wouldn't work. Now he realizes that he was wrong because it is hard for him to be alone. I hate to seem negative but I don't think that this is real. But you know best. Keep what I said in mind and be smart.

Answer 5

Since you have a child, I'd say give him another chance, but be careful.

People DO change and deserve second chances. Has he proved it? By having child support payments in on time, seeing your child whenever he can, making sure that your child has what he/she needs? Those are all actions of a reformed person.

But you do have to realize, letting the father back into your child's life for a short them, then having to take the father away, may hurt your child emotionally. Just be careful.

Answer 6

Personally i wouldn't take him back---maybe it's just me but i'm of the mindset that if a guy doesn't treat you right the first time around, chances are he wouldn't treat you right the second time around either. I don't believe in giving guys second chances. I feel as if i am worth something of great importance and if a guy doesn't realize that while he's with me, I'll drop him like it's hot , cause---there are plenty of fishes in the sea
~Listen to your heart and do what is in your best interest---it's never a good idea to get back together with someone because of the "kid(s)"~

Answer 7

If its been 4 years I don't think I would go back. Because all men say they will change. Then about three months down the road they are right back to doing it all over again. The way you sound you don't much want to either, so don't put you and your child through that again. Good luck on what ever you decide to do.

Answer 8

I think you should be strong about this and tell him "You want another chance with me" well you'll have to show me first like say a date..alone and a bit of love and affection and not only that I would NOT let him move in until your forsure he has made a bit of a change remember people don't change over night but 4 years most likly he has changed allot being he has come back to someone he relaizes was best for him..

Answer 9

oh yes, people always deserve second chances

perhaps the man that cheated on his wife deserves a second chance to cheat

perhaps the guy that tried to kill you deseerves a second chance because this time he may get the job done right

perhaps we should have given hitler a second chance before invading his teritory and wiping his armies out, after all, i'm sure he would have been nice to everyone the second time around

perhaps we should give all those criminals in jails a second chance and let them out because after all, they say they are sorry, and maybe they need a second chance to practice their trade

certain things you do not give second chances for, hindsight is always 20/20, he realizes now because he could not have his cake and eat it too, but then again, how do people learn their lessons if they do not get punished for thier mistakes

Answer 10

Tell him you require him to do something to prove it to you first, such as the two of you attending counseling together.

Perhaps you 2 can date again for a while, but not live together.

There is no reason to trust him again until he proves to you that he has/is changing and is ACTIVELY working on changing.

Don't just take his word for it, it is TOO EASY to say something like that just to get back what you had before.

Good luck! Seek some professional guidance on this too. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes.

Oh, also, yes everyone deserves a second chance, if they prove themselves worthy of it.