He needs "time alone".......?

Question

My BF of a year and a half started acting strange about a week ago. He says he has some personal issues and needs some time alone. We only see each other a couple of times a week anyway, (work, etc, family demands). He usually calls everynight to ask me how my day went and to say goodnight. This behavior of needing some time to sort things out ---his words, came immediately following my car accident last week. I had to go to the ER. Is he not emotionally mature enough to handle this? What should I do? I am fine with giving him "time" but he's 31!! How much is too much?

Answer 1

i agree with rightio....if he was totally fine before the accident and now needs some time he probably has new emotions he never thought he could feel or old wounds resurfacing. Maybe he's scared of how much he really cares for you and the accident brought reality right home to him. Men have to process those sorts of feelings and they don't always want the source of those feelings around when they do it. Or if he lost a previous girlfriend or close friend or relative in a car accident yours brought all those emotions right back to surface. You know him better than any of us....do you susect he's got someone else? or do you think he has some emotional baggage to deal with?

did he go to the ER with you? what was his behavior there? You need to talk with him about how you feel and what your concerns are about taking "time alone". If you only see one another a couple times a week anyway and he thinks he needs more time away than that you deserve an explanation.

Answer 2

You will only get a lot of guesses on here......you have known him long enough for you to be able to be honest with him, and he with you....ask him why things have changed...I think thats fair, you deserve some answers. It seems strange that he changed straight after your car accident. Maybe he got really frightened and couldnt imagine the thought of losing you. Maybe he has lost someone very close to him in the past and bought back some pretty strong memories. Maybe thats the reason he needs time alone so he can sort out his emotions. Men do have emotions and I really resent these other answerers asuming straight away that he has someone else....you dont know that......Maybe its as I said, or maybe he does have someon else....or maybe its totally different. Ask him, you obviously care about him and maybe he needs your support.....who knows what the problem is. Until you ask him, like I said all of us can only guess. Also about a time limit, its really hard to answer if you dont know why he wants time on his own....if its another woman then there is no time limit. If it is something else....something he has to come to terms with, then maybe tell him you will wait for 3 months, but you wont wait forever until he makes up his mind. There are 2 equal people in all relationship, well, there is supposed to be.....so he wants time on his own, you also have a right to say what you want. Work out the time that you are prepared to wait...but find out what the problem is first.

Take care.

Answer 3

If he says he needs time alone, just give it to him! If the relationship is going to survive your car accident and all of his other issues, he'll be there for you afterwards. If not, be grateful that it ended in only a year and a half and not longer so that you can both move on.

There really is a good chance he just wants out. Maybe the car accident made him discover something about you that he does not like or perhaps the thought of "...for better or for worse..." just does not appeal to him in your case. Or, maybe he is just too self-absorbed in his own problems to deal with someone else who has problems. You never really know. I say just ask him how long he suspects it will take to "figure things out" and let him have it-within reason.

If he wants more time than you are willing to give, just let him go. If he really wants you, he'll come back to you.

Answer 4

Well it is said that when the chips are down you really get to know someone's character for better or worse. Some partners are fine when everything is going smoothly, but when a problem or issue arises the compassion, understanding and strength of heart goes right out the window...you cannot force something that is not there to begin with. In a bizarre twist of fate you have now obtained the answer of whether your partner can or would be there for you if you really needed him. What you do now that you know a "truth" about him is another question.

Answer 5

I think there is a bigger point that you are missing, the question you should ask is why he needs the time, not if you should give it to him.

Because if he needs it for a reason thats acceptable give it to him. Men like to escape from their problems sometimes, and giving him a chance to solve it on his own should not be create more stress in the relationship.

If he has other problems in his life and your recent car accident was the straw that broke the camels back then fix some of the other problems for him and maybe he'll need less time.

If he is completly reconsidering the relationship because your recent car accident revealed something he does not like about you, then the relationship might not be salvagable or require too much fixing to be with it.

Answer 6

Has he told you at least the "personal reasons"? You need to hear that first, then see if its worth allowing this break time. Timing is either perfect to excape or Its very possible the accident scared the living day lights out of him as to how strongly he cares for you, yet at 31... He shouldnt be needing time. At that age I find that really hard to swollow

Answer 7

5 minutes is too much. He should have been there for you and he wasn't. When you are completely over the accident I'll bet he will want to be back. At his age he should be much more supportive. Don't waste your time on him, find a real man, a mature one...

Answer 8

i think that it is perfectly fine giving him "time alone" but only you can truley know how much time to give him, i mean a realtionship involves giving of yourself and taking as well, so you need to sit back and evaluate how much you're being neglected. and if the realtionship is worth that neglect, another thing you might want to consider is how many times this sort of thing has happened, if it has happened before, my guess is that it will continue to happen and you should make a decision based upon this.

Answer 9

he is 31 years old and he is not emotionally mature enough?

he needs time alone?

seems like he just wants out of the relationship, time for you to give him time alone and go find a new and better guy to be with

Answer 10

If I were you, I would give him all the time in the world. I would simply say "you go honey, find yourself, and hopefully you will find another woman to love you" :) hahaha I would have never given the time off.. I would have just ended it. That is a big red flag in a relationship.