The girl I am dating currently has just had a baby (6mos ago) it was her first and she has a very small figure, I already know that she was swollen in places she didnt want to be, and she has extra skin on her stomach and that her breats always hurt from breast feeding, but what should I do to make her more comfortable with me? I mentioned to her once that I understand what her body went through and she cried, and didnt talk to me the whole night and said i was out of line, any suggesstions?
2007-03-11 09:46:51 · 11 answers · asked by CuriousGeorge 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
First let me say, you sound like a doll :) Rarely do you hear a guy sound so sincere and caring...awww....
I would say she is probably going through a little bit of depression. her horemones are all out of wack and it is depressing to not like what you see when you look in the mirror. Tell her she's beautifull all the time, especailly when she is the least made up. We love to hear that kind of stuff. There really is very little you can do to make her accept the way her body has changed, it must come from her. Just be there and supportive of her. And of course NEVER mention that some other girl looks cute, she will forever compare herself to that girl. You sound like a sweetheart and she is lucky to be with you. Good Luck.
2007-03-11 09:55:55 · answer #1 · answered by Amber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, my first thought is this...no matter how noble your intentions, never say that you understand what she's gone through. While you may say, "I understand what your body went through" or really anything with "I understand" in regards to becoming a mother, what she hears is "It's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be, and you're being a baby." Besides, I'm guessing her first response was something like, "No, you don't understand!" And that's...understandable.
Anyway, I'm sure you've read and heard a lot about the hormonal rollercoaster she's on at the moment. Trust me when I say, when it comes to her appearance, there is pretty much nothing you can say right now (outside of "you're so beautiful") that will make her feel anything but sad and miserable. (And the baby crying in the background certainly won't help the situation.) She needs you to be supportive and appreciative of her.
Now, just so you know WHY she's feeling this way (aside from the obvious changes to her shape), you should understand the chemical imbalance that happens in a woman who's just given birth. Before a woman delivers, she's got a huge stockpile of two happy chemicals (one of them is estrogen). When the baby is born, her estrogen level plummets. And from then until her estrogen is replenished (generally lasting anywhere from a few months to a year or so), she's relying on the other happy chemical to get into and keep a good mood. If that's in short supply as well (which it often is), then the baby blues and/or post-partum depression kick in.
As others have said, always reassure her...carefully. Tell her she's beautiful and you care so much about her, and that you're so grateful to have her in your life. And if you do think that she may be suffering from depression, try asking her how she's feeling and what you can do to help. Also, you may be able to get some tips from her family and close friends on how to suggest that she talk to her doc about it. Remember, just because she's had the baby doesn't mean her emotions have returned to normal. Tread lightly...
Good luck!
2007-03-11 10:14:15 · answer #2 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most guys would never care enough to even seek advice on that, so thank you very much, as a pregnant woman due in 4 days.
She may be very overwhelmed and emotional. I too had a small figure and those first stretch marks and seeing your body change (especially being young) really shakes a girl up and brings out a lot of insecurities. I know you were only trying to help, but NEVER tell a woman that you understand what her body went through, becuase you really don't. Instead, tell her that you think she's beautiful. Tell her all the things you like about her, and let her know that you are attracted to her. But never ever tell her that you understand, becuase even if you think you do, you just can't possibly understand completely. Good luck and keep up with the good intentions :)
2007-03-11 10:42:43 · answer #3 · answered by J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a matter of being comfortable with you but being comfortable with herself. Just constantly reinforce the fact that you think she's beautiful and that you love her body and what it gave the two of you (a baby). Just keep telling her how beautiful she is and make sure you show how much you care about her as often as you can. Offer to watch the baby so she can get a massage, facial, hair/nails done, whatever. If money's an issue, give her a back rub or a massage yourself. Or purchase some bath salts and oils for her and watch the baby so she can be in the bathroom alone for an hour or two to just relax. Again, just be there for her and let her know that you think she's gorgeous. Take her out on a date somewhere fancy and let her get all dressed up. Find a sitter that you both can trust and spend the entire evening being completely in tuned with her and her needs.
2007-03-11 09:54:54 · answer #4 · answered by Sit'nTeach'nNanny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were trying to be kind and supportive. Sometimes it ain't easy being a man when your girl is going through some post-pregnancy issues. Hang in there and your stamina will pay off. Women can have several different psychological issues to work through, which are easier for some and harder for others. Just try to be as understanding, patient, and compassionate as you can. In the long term, she will realize what is happening and will learn to count on you when the going gets rough. Good luck.
2007-03-11 09:59:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Approach her in a understanding way. Don't mention her body at first. Remind her that you care for her, and that no matter how unattractive she thinks she is, that she will always be beautiful to you. tell her about your body malfunctions, and that should make her feel more comfortable. Just be sincere with how you feel about her and that your proud of her. Give it some time, and give her a little space to cope with it. Let her adjust, and think of a plan on how she can improve those problem areas.
2007-03-11 09:55:21 · answer #6 · answered by MR. B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she could be going through postpartum depression. If you think she has it then she will need help. Her doctor needs to know. In the meantime, just try and make her feel special. Call her beautiful a few times each day, every day. Buy her flowers... give her massages. Make her feel loved and appreciated.
2007-03-11 10:13:56 · answer #7 · answered by Angela 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if shes going through post natal depression, the best thing is to help out as much as possible with the baby. constant compliments (but not over the top because in that state, it can be like death words as we think "YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!!!")
try saying things like, "you are so good with baby, your a natural, you are a really good mom.... " it'd really lift her spirits.
and as for her breasts, if they are always sore, don't touch them! i didn't mind my man touching mine but he had strict off limits with my nipples.
oh and foot rubs. definately give the girl foot rubs.
2007-03-11 09:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by roymata 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be going through post pregnancy depression.
Take her to a counceller.
2007-03-11 09:50:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
continue reassuring her.....and tell her that you think she is beautiful .... she is just having a tough time and may have some issues that she will need to see her doctor about if they don't subside
good luck
2007-03-11 09:54:31 · answer #10 · answered by ~*common sense*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋