Now I know why marriage can be hell?

Question

First of all I've never been married but I've had my share of roommates that are troublemakers. One would come home drunk and get into fights with the other renters and keep me awake all night.
It seems like when you live with someone (roommate or wife, husband) if that person has problems drugs, alcohol or is just crazy your life ends up being hell. If you are married to that person it's worst because you love them and so you stay and try fix things.

Thanks for all the great ans. I'll be choosing the best one in a few days.

I think we have to choose our partners and friends by looking at their hearts. We might meet someone who's beautiful and want them, but are they someone we can live with and get along with day to day?

Answer 1

This doesn't have anything to do with marriage and everything to do with substance abuse.
Mental disease, drug and alcohol abuse make living with someone "hell"--If it is someone you love, help get them into an addiction program, if it not an important person, get them out of your life, or you are asking for drama--also--you can't change anyone--you can try to help, and you can monitor your reactions and behavior, but thinking you can change another person, you might as well go over to a wall in your room and bash your head against it repeatedly

Answer 2

All this boils dn to 1 thing, living with another person is not easy and if u wan to be a wonderful partner of another even more difficult.
U can hv a gd fren for 10yrs but once u start living together u may not last 1 mth! Same goes to yr gf/bf or husband /wife.
Living together needs lots of trust, faith and tolerance to make it a wonderful relationship and is something many can't go thru smoothly most of time. The main objective in a long lasting relationship is persistance and consistent and not competing and over expressing cos in long run it is too tiring and tense.
But being said all this, is best to start with the a gd potential partner, choose wisely. U can choose a partner with yr eyes close but with yr heart close! Cheers.
I always say, 'if its yrs it will be yrs!'

Answer 3

You can't fix somebody else. If you've tried one or more times with one or more romantic partners, the truth of that statement is unquestionable.

And this is why it is wise to go into romantic relationships (and potential ones) slowly and pay close attention to the character and attitude of the person you are becomming involved with in the relationship (rather than how they make you feel--that's code for your own ego getting stroked).

It's also important that you have a healthy sense of self-respect and confidence;otherwise, you not only scare off healthy self-confident potential partners, you wind up putting up with people who do not deserve your love and respect.

That being said, we all make mistakes along the way before what I just typed becomes obvious.

Additional info based on more detail:

I have no idea what you mean by "looking at their hearts". The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. You have to pay attention to their actions. That's how you tell what their character and attitude is like.

Answer 4

You are looking at it in the wrong way. Not all marriages are like this. Your going by a drunk and whatever else you have had in your life, sure if they have alcohol and drug problems it can be horrible, but when we marry someone by that time we know just a little about them and whether they have these problems. So limiting yourself saying you know why marriages can be hell is wrong. There are many good men and women out there.

Answer 5

Well, isn't it always said you never really know a person to you live with them, sometimes being in someones face almost 24/7 and trying to look past there fault's like leaving the toilet seat up can make you mad but if you have problems you talk about about it and try to resolve em. The thing is sometimes you can stay with a person because you love them so much but they are not helping themselves, then what how about you, been there, it's like 100% to 50% not good as how about yourself, your feeling, your a person to can he help you as much as you'll be there for him or will you be to consumed on him and forget about yourself.....in the end that would suck cuz you'd feel you gave but never received. XXX
Best Of Luck

Answer 6

Don't marry someone with a problem and you'll be ok! Not all marriages are hell, just the ones people choose to stay in, knowing it'll never work.

Answer 7

Actually marriage is worse because you are bound together in a legal agreement. You can't just kick them out of your life right away. However we have divorce for that.

You do have an accurate assessment. A spouse is a person too and can have all these problems. Just when they have them it becomes "our" problems instead of just his/hers.

I hope if you ever get married that never happens to you.

Answer 8

Since you've had experiences of living with others, you know well the issues that can prevail. GOOD 4 U! Now carry that wisdom when you choose a mate. Use a lot of your knowledge, mixed with sound judgement from your HEAD, NOT your HEART!

Answer 9

So choose wisely my friend. It doesn't matter if it is a friendship, room mate or even a husband you have to know who you are attracting to your life. This is why I like talking about a woman's ex flings. Her description of her past lovers can give you a lot of insight in to the real woman.

Answer 10

That's why you really need to know who you are marrying or living with. And you must realize you can't change people. So if your with someone and you think you need to "try to fix" things, forget it cut your losses and get out. Don't settle.