am taking a semester off from college and my dad won't let me live at my apartment (we're paying the lease anyway) which is an hr away. He is very controlling-- he seldom lets me go out, makes up excuses for me not to see my boyfriend, and gives me stupid curfews even though I'm 21. He grounds me if I'm even 5 minutes late. He also takes his stress out on me by hitting me with the soft side of a golf club (enough to get a bruise) over stupid things like if I park my car in the wrong spot on our driveway. He and my mom used to fight a lot but they stopped when I left for college. Now that I'm home, our household is unsettling again. My mom used to intervene, but she's so scared of my dad that she now turns the other way when he loses his temper with me. She never yells at him, she yells at me because of making him angry or blames me for her non-terminal cancer, or blames me for screwing up everything. Why won't my dad let me live at my own apt? Why are my parents this way?
IDEAS??
2007-03-11 08:51:07 · 7 answers · asked by aMeNa_aCid* 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Who is paying the rent? If your dad is paying, then technically it's his apartment. You are 21 years old; you are an adult.
Move back to the apartment, get a job so you can support yourself, and start living your own life. If your house was settled after you moved out, your father may be resentful of having you back. Who knows why people act or think the way they do?
You are an adult. You are permitting him to abuse you It's time for you to be independent and make a good life for yourself. If you don't want to do that, the next time he hits you, call the police and charge him with battery. It sounds like he needs treatment for anger control. Remove yourself from that abusive situation.
2007-03-11 08:58:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, my dear girl, I am so sorry to hear of your plight.
I think your dad must be having some problems and stress that make him behave the way he does.
You should firmly tell him not to hit you as you are now a grown up girl. The next time he tries to hit you just firmly hold his hand and say a firm "Dont" he will get the message. Also tell your mom not to live in such terror of your dad. Try reasoning with your dad and finding out what his real problem is. It is possible that he just misses you and wants you to be the ideal daughter that he has in his mind. It is also possible that he has this male ego thing that makes him want to show his superiority over his women.
And I would hate to say this but it would be a good idea if you moved away for your parents for a while. That way you would be able to concentrate better on your studies, besides not coming in their way. Besides the old adage that Absence makes the heart fonder may actually work. And your Dad may start missing you once your away. Then when you return he would hopefully treat you better.
Always keep in touch with your parents, Remember they are the reason for your existence!
Best of Luck Dear! and God Bless you!
2007-03-11 16:07:32 · answer #2 · answered by brian p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is not crazy. He has a lot on his shoulders. He cares a lot for you but with your mom's illness he has plenty to solve. Your dad is probably afraid that you got pregnant while he wants his precious little girl to have "the best" in life. You are only going through a rough time that will not last too long. Let things settle at home, you can help by spreading love around you and understanding may follow. Your dad objects that you live in your own apt. because he is an overprotective dad who dreams the very best for her daughter. Be patient. Things will change shortly.
2007-03-11 16:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by alpha & omega 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if your parents are paying for your college it's hard because you obviously need that I know it can be expensive..it's too bad you have to take a semester off of college at all then that would solve your problem..
anyway if you said your mom has cancer it sounds like everyone is taking there frustrations and being hurt out on you.. sucks to be the scapegoat anyway you should sit down and talk to them and explain how you feel.. and if that don't work you may have to work, go to school and take out student loans if at all possible.. Good LUCK!
2007-03-11 16:03:47 · answer #4 · answered by sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a toxic family...once you're out on your own, i suggest loving them (if you do) from a distance. don't become too emotionally involved with your parents so you you don't get hurt.
As for right now, stick it out, work hard in your classes so yucan get a good job and GET OUT of there...your dad's controlling issues and your moms passive aggressiveness toward you are forms of abuse!
2007-03-11 16:06:15 · answer #5 · answered by Mia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of there.
2007-03-11 15:59:06 · answer #6 · answered by dad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are 21 you don't have to stand & take it. just pack up & go when he is asleep.
2007-03-11 15:58:38 · answer #7 · answered by Tired Old Man 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋