What is it about Men?

Question

I am seriously curious about this and want some answers that would help me understand my husband. Why is it that most men (husbands) still want to hang on to their social life so much, to the point that it causes marital problems.
I am a mother or two and he is a father of two but I feel more attached to my children and would feel guilty for going out and staying out til 3am!
Doesn't he miss the children, doesn't he want come home early and not so drunk so he can wake up with the kids?
Are women just more made for parenting, why is that? Then why can men reproduce if they don't feel the need to just let go of their social life, atleast temporarily until the kids are a little older. Why don't they just wait until both husband and wife can go out together. Why does he always ask me if it's ok that he go out, of course I don't say no because then I'm gonna be the wife that said "no."

Some may say because he didn't really want to get married, but he wanted it so badly!

He's the one that's overprotective and way too jealous. He still tells me how beautiful I am and always wants to make love to me, so it can't be that he is not attracted to me anymore.
What is it?

I guess I just wish that he didn't desire to go to bars with his friends, only with me, but it doesn't seem to bother him that I home with both kids and getting up to feed one and deal with the night terrors of the other.

Maybe I should mention that he is only 26 yrs old.

He hangs out with other married men usually.
Also, I have a 5 month old and a very demanding 3 yr old, no family here to help, so I can't leave them with a babysitter than will be willing to watch them til 2:00 in the morning.

He goes out like 8-10 times a year, not a lot but I know he would go a lot more if I didn't b itch about it so much. I am wondering, why would he even want to and why does he feel this pull to go out there and drink with buddies and strangers? without me too?

Answer 1

Most mature men do not want to hang onto their social lives
that would exclude their wife..
A mans wife is his lover, best friend and companion through
life...The other half of the whole...The mother of his children...
Women are indeed Gods gift to man..
Beautiful , wonderful mysterious creatures..
Why would a man not want to involve his wife in all his
social activities..

Answer 2

I think it's different with each husband, depending on their personality. My husband grew out of that stage around age 25 or so. By that time we had a 6 yr old and 2 yr old (with serious medical issues). It's rough, especially when you've got little ones at home.
I never got a 100% answer as to why, but from comments here and there, here's what I figured out.
He didn't regret marrying me or having our kids - he was just at a point in his life where he was looking around at what others his age were doing, and wondering what he was missing out on. He kind of wanted the best of both worlds, and since I was sort of like you (not saying no, but really bothered by it) he kept doing it. I wouldn't tell him no, but I'd pout for hours/days afterwards and pick fights. That kind of fed into the "what have I done" feelings he was having. He loved me and didn't want to give us up, but felt the need to assert his independence, kind of show his friends that he was the man in the house and not ruled by his wife.
Honestly, I think the only way it's going to end is when he grows out of it - giving him an ultimatum will push him further away.
Does he go out like that once or twice a month, or is this a few times a week? I've found that my husband needs the "guy time" every once in awhile to escape, just like we need girl time... (though we rarely get it). If it's not that frequent, make a night of it for yourself - invite a friend or two over and enjoy yourself without him. Or consider hiring a local teenager to sleep over, pay them a flat rate for the night, so you can go out with him. There are plenty of teens out there willing to do that, just make sure you find one you feel comfortable with, or you'll never enjoy yourself. Sit down and talk with him about it, but not when he comes home or the next morning, pick a time when he's in a good mood and you're more likely to get good results. See if you can agree on limits, like him going out with the guys twice a month, or whatever compromise you can come to. You guys have a lot of responsibility for your age, and he's probably just feeling the stress. This is his way of escaping, his way of pretending that his life isn't as complicated as it really is.
The fact that it's married men he's going out with is probably a plus, much better than a bunch of single guys. Hopefully the men he's hanging out with are at least somewhat happy in their marriage, and not out for a wife bashing session.
It's also good that even through all this, you still trust him. It shows a strong foundation to your marriage.
It's a fine line between setting limits for him to respect you and your feelings and acting like the stereotypical shrew of a wife... but the fact that you're asking says you don't want to be that way and want to do the best you can for your marriage.

Answer 3

I was married at 23, had children a couple years later. I admit I was immature and not completely ready for the responsibility of fatherhood. Don't get me wrong, I was there and supported them and was faithful, but I felt like I could conduct my life more or less normally, just every now and then the kids would require something more. The reality is when you have children, everything else needs to take a back seat and just wait...but it took me years to internalize that lesson. I think its just maturity.

Answer 4

Honey where still neanderthal . We like grabbing our spears which they call pool sticks today and going on the hunt then stand around the other hunters and talk about the dinosaur that away .

Woman think we know what they wont but in reality we really don't we cant think like woman can we can only think about one thing at a time woman are thinking about 5 things when you get 5 questions out where still thinking about the first one .

Guys like to have fun to so instead of saying watch the kids say honey do you wont to play with the kids . Guys like to be helpful to so don't say take out the garbage instead say honey can you help me out and take out the garbage so i can cook dinner . Just think of men as big kids

Answer 5

Well for one if your stupid enough to let it go, and not put your foot down, then yes, he's going to keep doing it, until your get tired of it, or end up in a divorce, or worse.
Tell him he needs to start being a father, and he has children that don't like to see their dad drunk.
I know what its like to have a drunk father. All thats matters is beer and having fun, and don't give a fu......! about anything else.
And when my mom did put her foot down, he rejected her, and left. tell him he needs to grow up. And be the father he should be. Yea it may seem fun now, but in the long run, both of you are going to be hurting, but the children will hurt more. Sure hes going to keep telling you your pretty and all that stuff, because then you let your guard down, and he takes advantage of it.
Stand your ground firm, and let him know you mean business. As for saying no, you need to let him ,know your his wife, and you are not happy about the way things are going. don't let him get to you. stand your ground. Tell him if he wants to drink ,then he can drink at home. Don't give into him. If he gets mad so be it. Stand your ground

Answer 6

You need to start going out without him two can play that game whats good for him is also good for you, get together with some of your g/f and go hang out without the kids and have him stay home..Married men don't need know single friends because they have no obligations and don't care wether his marriage is suffereing or not so he needs to get rid of his single friends

Answer 7

Sounds to me like someone hasn't realised they have responsibilities in life yet. Maybe you need to talk to him about how he needs to be a better father to his kids. He can't be all that good during the day when he's up and drinking till 3 am. Sometimes you just need to say no.

Answer 8

No, it's just the guy you chose. You knew this before you married him. Whatever about him attracted him to you surely had nothing to do with his homey-family-type ways! I chose a guy who was totally ready to settle down, raise a family, and be totally happy to hang with us, and extended family. We have friends, of course, but do things as families together. We ARE one another's social life.
Sounds like you married a boy.

Answer 9

Some people, men or women are just unnapreciative of how good they have it. Coming home at 3:00 a,m might not be that fun it you happened to take a week or two off from him. Don't let him know its temporary. Let him sweat it out. Then he might have time to count his blessings. Its easier to count them when they are missing.

Answer 10

talk to your husband tell him you would like some time with him just you and the kid's maybe get some one watch your kid's and you two go some where