Where do I start? We have had sex maybe 1x in the last 4 months. I just gave birth 9 weeks ago so that is part of the reason. We do not communicate--I do--but he can't. Also--he lacks total stamina in bed--lasts about 2-10 minutes. I am so bored with him in bed and sick of the lack of communication. I think I am heading for divorce court. I would rather be alone then live like this. Have tried to talk to him, but he doesn't get it. The man is an idiot that cannot learn from a women. How come he can't please a women in bed when he is in his 30's??? He should be grown up by now.
2007-03-11 06:40:01 · 13 answers · asked by blonde_bitch_norris 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried to talk to him for months about this and yes I do know that maybe I shouldn't have married him,,should have known him better--I am very aware of that. He has also always been like this--not just lately, after the baby.
2007-03-11 11:32:06 · update #1
He is obviously a self-centered lazy poor lover...
He is taking you for granted and does not seen to want to change...
Perhaps you need to start secretly saving money for a divorce.
2007-03-11 07:34:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you feel That strongly about the matter, then divorce is possibly the best route to take. Understand though, men do not communicate as easily as women. Not that I am on the man side of things. But you really have to look into this more before you take such a strong move. Have you tried seeking professional advice? As far as stamina, maybe his is suffering from a medical condition and is embarrassed. Or maybe he is under stress. You both need to open up to one another and be understandin gof each others needs.
2007-03-11 06:47:35 · answer #2 · answered by Juya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he pleased enough in bed before otherwise i dont think you would have married him in the first place, so try get over the bitter aspect if your marriage is important to you.
If this is your first child, the lack of sexual desire and potency is also a male factor. You rbody has changed, he needs to get used to that and re-establish his attractiont o you, Thsi takes time and their is much you can do to help with this.
He may tired from the stress of the new child, the fears of fatherood are stressfull, and stress is exhausting.
Whilst there are many discussions and sympathies for woman's sexuality after child birth, and we, as men are expected to be empathetic and understanding of post natal stress, their is also a trauma to men, and of course, their sexuality. You are no longer only his wife and lover, you are also the mother of his child now, and he may feel ashamed or embarrassed about sex for religious or moral reasons. Father hood can do this.
The sex you do have is important, because, though it may only last a few minutes, his message to you si that he still wanst to be connected to you through sex, but he is unsure how.
Before you try the divirce courts, try a therapist. if his ego won't allow him to go to a therapist, them give your child to a family member for a 4 day weekend and go away and reconnect with your husband, and try leave sex out of the reconnection, if it happens then consider it a bonus.
i am not taking your husbands side here, just trying to share another angle with you.
Remember, you are still a woman, use those flirtatious skills that you were blessed with...:) Seduction can also work!
Best of luck!
Roy W
2007-03-11 06:53:46 · answer #3 · answered by Roy W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you just had a baby 9 weeks ago. Was he present during delivery? I think the reason for the lack of sex is that he is probably afraid to hurt you. Some men experience anxiety after having a baby just like women do. Especially if he was there during delivery he might be extremely sensitive about sex issue, not because he is not attracted to you, but because he doesn't now how you really feel down there. Maybe he thinks that you are just trying to please him by having sex, and he would rather not have it, than make you uncomfortable. I think what you are lacking is communicaiton...big time. You should sit down, talk to him and find out what is he really thinking.
2007-03-11 08:32:02 · answer #4 · answered by Tout 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Every one is different. Is it really all his problem or is it timing that has made sexual contact rare. When I had both my girls I went from 105 pounds with a tomboy figure to 189 pounds, full bust, hips and belly. Most of our problem was timing, when he wanted to I was either nursing, tired, busy or not interested for fear of getting pregnant again too soon. My attitude became his, over the months, so when she started sleeping all night and I was getting the hang of being a first time Mom I started wondering why he wasn't hounding me all the time wanting it. I too, thought he should be more like the sex gods on TV or my favorite magazine hero, or at least as good as my girlfriends men were said to be. When we did make out it was a quicky and he was sound asleep afterwards, sometimes it seemed to all happen before I even got in the room, and if I tried to talk about it to him either he didn't want to hear about it or he took offense and pouted like a baby the rest of the day (or night). We divorced, I lost weight, the girls got a little older and we got back together. I asked him why he wasn't more like this time around the first time around and you know what he said?? He said he was in the beginning when I took pride in how I looked and smelled for "HIM". Long story short, when I became a Mom I no longer cared about being a wife in the physical sense...my appearance for him was no longer there. My lack of desire to please him in my self-appeal created his lack of desire to please me in the bedroom.
2007-03-11 07:22:47 · answer #5 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Before heading for divorce I'd try a marriage counselor for the communication and see how that goes. And for the sex...maybe take him to the local adult store and walk around see what interest you both.
2007-03-11 06:46:51 · answer #6 · answered by kMaz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you know communication is critical in a relationship. Since your relationship has little to no communication it is failing, Since it seems that your spouse is not willing to work with you I would cut my losses and find the right one.
2007-03-12 19:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's review - he's a 2-pump chump, an immature little baby, an uncommunicative asshole, he doesn't get you or learn from you, he's an idiot, and he can't please you in bed.
So knowing most or all of this about him, you married him and spread your legs for him and let him knock you up and you popped out his kid?
Remind us again - who is the immature idiot who should be grown up by now?
Until you admit that *you* are every bit as much of the problem as he is, you'll never solve a thing - you'll just bounce from guy to guy and oddly none of them will be able to satisfy you.
2007-03-11 07:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have always said, if you can't do...atleast try, effort goes a long way. Your hubby sounds like he's either content or lazy. If he's not willing to try, either get a divorce or get a BF!
2007-03-11 07:06:14 · answer #9 · answered by huckleberry1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, however, you should have known all of this before you married and then made a child with this man. Good luck and God bless****
2007-03-11 07:06:57 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋