should I not leave my son alone?

Question

My son is 11 years old. He is very mature for his age, makes good grades and is responsible. My husband and I make a date night once a month and when we go out I leave my son at home by himself. He is only by himself for a couple of hours and I always make sure he has dinner made for him before I leave (so he doesn't have to use the stove). He has our cell phone number to get a hold of us if he needs something, as well as a neighbor he can go to in the event of an emergency. A friend of mine accuses me of being a bad mother because I leave my 11 yr. old by himself. Do you think I should hire a babysitter for the nights me and my husband goes out? I think if I suggested it my son would accuse me of not trusting him. He has never given me a reason to not trust him before, and the last time we went out, I came home to find my son had even done the dishes and straightened up the house while we were gone. Am I being a bad mom??

Answer 1

You know your son better than anyone in the world. Outside advice is always there but not always wanted. Tell your friend to mind her own back yard and leave yours alone. If your son cleaned the kitchen and was very mature as you describe him than you don't need to change anything. He is letting you know that he is responsible by doing the dishes and if you bring in a babysitter now what are you telling your son? He has your numbers and I am sure you are not that far from him and if things go wrong they will go wrong if you are there with him or not. You are a good mother and don't let any one tell you any different until they have walked several miles in your shoes. Be confident in yourself and your decisions and stand by them. Stand your ground and be who you are. Tell your friend to bug off.

Answer 2

You sound like a very good mother with a remarkable son. I think you've covered all your bases with the cell phone, and I'd make doubly sure the neighbor is keeping a close eye, just as insurance. Only you can be the judge of your son's maturity level, not your friend. Eleven is a precarious age, and I think your son has given you no reason not to trust him for a few hours. I like that he doesn' use the stove. Tell him how proud you are of him and that everytime you come home to find him obeying the rules of your home, your trust in him grows. Tell him that will mean a lot to you when the time comes for him to drive and be away from home. Keep building these bridges.

Answer 3

No you are not a bad mother.

Do check the law in your area, but the majority of laws in the USA concerning this matter are silent. Because you know your child and the government doesn't. On average, 11-12 is the age were most kids get to stay home alone for a short time. (Not overnight) Think of latch key kids...

I have 2 links. One from the University of Illinois and the other from Ohio State University. Both discuss this issue in finer detail than one can go into here.

Answer 4

11 should be old enough to be home alone fro a couple hours.
I've had 12 year old babysitters with no issues.
As long as the kid is responsible and is good with the program then where is the problem? Many kids want to be given more individual responsibility and thrive with it. Give them the ground rules, the tools for dealing with problems and a chance to succeed ( as well as fail). That is much better than babying them and wondering why they can't deal with moving to college later.
Kids will only rise to level of your expectations. If you do not expect them to handle things and do well, they won't.
Keep up the good work.

I would be suspect of any 11 year old who cannot stay alone for three hours.

Answer 5

My mother left my sister and I at home when we were 11 and 12 so she could work I think you know your son better then anyone else and in till he gives you a reason not to trust him i think you are fine to leave him at home for a few hours really not much longer then that.Your friend might be jealous because she still has to pay a babysitter

Answer 6

Check the LAW. My son is 10 and very, very mature. But you need to be able to say, if he was cooking and the stove caught his shirt on fire, he would know what to do.

If someone came to the door and broke in, I feel he would be able to process his thoughts as an adult.

You are counting on him to act like an adult in any situation, because if he is alone, any situation can arise.

Now, if you are honest with yourself, and you think you can leave him alone because most likely...nothing bad will happen.then you are wrong. Always, always prepare for the worst.

But it really comes down to the law. There is a set age kids must be before they are allowed alone at home.

Answer 7

You are not being a bad or good mom, just a mom. Your child seems to enjoy having a reliable reputation but you should check the laws where you live. It may be illegal to leave your child under 12 yrs old home alone and it would be a shame if a vindictive person reported you to the authorities.

Answer 8

It is legal in Canada to leave a 12yr. old alone. It is even legal for them to babysit.
Your not a bad mom at all.
You know your son more then anyone else would. I think it is your judgment and your call to decide whether he is capable to take care of himself.
And you did mention for a couple of hours. Which is not a whole day.
Your allowing him an opportunity to act responsible and give him a chance to feel like a grown up. I believe that in return, it sounds like he is showing you that he is capable of what is expected of him.
Sounds like you have a fine young man, and that he has shown you that.

Answer 9

Check the age in your state(In mine it's legal to leave a child home alone at 10) and tell your friend to mind her own business. If your son is comfortable enough to be left as well as responsible then it's just fine.

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like a problem to me. If you are still unsure, look up child protective in your state.

This is what I found: "The age at which children can legally be left at home alone for short periods of time varies from province to province, from 10 to 12 years"