My future wife wants to represent both her son and me in her life by hyphenating her last name w/ mine. It doens't feel right to me becasue as a future husband to her, there should be only one man in her life (which is me), and she should represent that be taking my last name. Am I worng for feeling this way? Her son will grow old and seperate from her. Thats why I feel upset. I feel if she is going to have two men in her life I really don't want to be one of them. What should I do and say to her?
2007-03-11 06:20:13 · 8 answers · asked by josiahaaron 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tell her no...
A hyphenated name is not a commitment...
2007-03-11 06:23:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
What is the problem here?? Do you love this woman? And does she love you? You have decided to take on this woman WITH her child? Well you have made a commitment and she has made one to you. So, why is a minor detail such as names and hyphernating such a big deal. You could adopt her son and then he could have your name also, by her changing it by deed poll. If you dont want to do that then you should accept that she is taking your name and wishes to keep her name as it is with her son. You are making a family together and when your children with her come along they will have a different name to her son's. Think about the long term implications aside from the fact that her son will eventually leave home. There is alot more in it than just you and your name. You're asking this woman to alienate her son all for a name. Oh and a big old man like you feeling like you're in competition with a child for your fiance's love.... have you heard yourself? Maybe you should think about butting out if you feel that way cos you cant take on this family unit with that thought in your head.
2007-03-11 12:54:22 · answer #2 · answered by chiccigyal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is her decision, not yours. She could keep her last name, or you could even take her last name. I had a male friend who did not want to carry on his family name and took his wife's. So, it could be said that you should represent your commitment to her by honoring her committment as a parent, which came before you and will be an undying connection throughout her life, whether her son is still at home or not. She had a life, he is part of it, and he will always be. If you start off making her choose between him and you on this very minor issue, your marriage will never last.
2007-03-11 06:27:52 · answer #3 · answered by DisIllusioned 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The woman always having to change her last name to that of the man she marries is a traditional outcome that is both inequal and out dated. I have an unusual last name and it is a big part of my identity. I would want to keep my identity as much as the man I marry or pass it on to our children. So you can compromise with a hyphenated name or why not consider taking HER name. If you feel strongly about your name she may feel the same way and you should respect that. Also why would you want to make her son feel second best to you, you are the adult here.
2007-03-11 07:24:53 · answer #4 · answered by climber1 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
My cousin got married some years ago stating she wanted a traditional wedding and caused nightmares and fall outs to get it. Then, decides she doesn't want to take her husband's surname, and decides to hyphenate her name and his, making him change his by deed poll! I actually find that an insult to his family, and what the hell happened to the "tradition" as this is the biggest tradition of all. Her name looks hideous now (cant tell it to you in case she's reading this) and her kids will be about 25 before they learn to spell their two christian names and a double barrel surname! Good luck with this problem - I really dont know how you're gonna resolve it.
2007-03-11 11:59:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My cousin kept her last name, why marry if you have so little respect for your guy and want your independence so much?
That said. I kind of feel for your future wife. Loyalty is a big thing to me, and this shows she is keeping a loyalty to her son. Her son really should be her first responsibility...over you even. I think it's cool to keep her son's last name as part of hers. She is a good mama bear, a good catch.
2007-03-11 06:47:21 · answer #6 · answered by tenbadthings 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am definately with you on the issue, as I am very traditional. If your last name was Smith, and hers presently is Jones... It would be always recorded as Jones-Smith.... always under the Jones name. She should be taking your name only and not using her maiden name. Good luck to you.
2007-03-11 06:45:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you could change your name to hers.
Be different, show your commitment.
2007-03-14 09:04:56 · answer #8 · answered by jimgdad 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋