Hi,i am a stepdad and my wifes ex boyfriend.?

Question

This is so difficult for me.We have been married for 18 months and i love her so so muchEvery friday the ex picks up their child and has him weekends...
He is a trouble maker,he tries to speak to my wife on the phone but she will not talk to him,he says he must be able to speak to my wife regards their son.
I tottaly disagree,yes if its a health problem fair enough i totally understand that.
He has just droppd their son off at my wifes workplace where she is working today,when he should have dropped him off at home.......i am an easy going person,but i feel bad and upset about this,,i feel this is wrong.
In the past the police have been involved and i dropped charges,i thought things were quieting down until this happend...how would you feel if this was happening to you?and can i get some sort of injunction?thank you for reading

Answer 1

It's up to your wife to deal with her ex. If he doesn't stick to the access arrangements, she can go back to court to try to change them. He sounds like a proper tosser messing about with a child.

Answer 2

The child is part of your relationship, as is the fact that the father will be coming into your lives on a regular basis; what you need to do is accept this and try not to overreact to the situation. Your wife loves YOU and is with YOU and you need to get over your insecurities. Perhaps the father dropped off the son at your wife's workplace to avoid a confrontation with you. Calling the police on the boy's father (unless violence was involved) was also a bad idea. Remember, whatever your feelings are, he is the boy's father and you have no right to interfere with their relationship or make the boy feel bad about his dad. You need to settle down, act like an adult, and be reasonable. You don't sound easygoing at all regarding this situation. You sound childish and selfish and you have no reason to be; you're only upsetting yourself, your wife, and the child.

Answer 3

i am sorry to say this. but as a married mother who has a child with an ex, and also a step son. they really do need to talk. for the child, they must talk about how he is behaving how he is doing in school, what he's been doing at home to sort of 'co-ordinate' their efforts, on how to discipline, how to reward, make sure that what they are doing is for the best interests of the kid. he also must contribute to his upkeep when with you and your wife, uniforms and essentials that he needs, it is important. AS LONG AS THEY ARE BOTH CIVIL IN FRONT OF HIM otherwise they should do it over the phone when he isn't there.

all i can say is, be there, when the ex is. you don't have to feel bad, he's the EX. she married YOU. amke sure he only drops off or picks up the boy at your house, you can be there, and that should make you feel better, after all you need to know whats going on too, you should be there when they talk, you are raising the mans child as your own. and its also important for you to be the good guy. you don't want the little 'un in a few years hating you because you stopped him seeing his dad. don't be the bad guy. you sound like a decent bloke, you took on this child and are raising him, not many men would do that these days.

(except my hubby.)

Don't make yourself out to be the bad guy. sit down with ur mrs. explain what your feeling and ask if he can only be dropped off at your home with you there and tell her you can be more involved with the discussions that they have for the boys best interests.

Answer 4

I too, am a stepdad. My rival also needs the police involved on occasion. I will not drop charges. A custody order by the court concerning specifics such as drop-offs is very helpful. Reporting abuse of the order will lead the court to reconsider the parental rights of the offender. Hang in there and good luck.

Answer 5

As long as your wife blows him off your fine! They need to talk on the phone regardless of illness if they need to make plans for the child such as school and special gatherings. I know it can be hard but as long as your wife keeps things between her and the dad strictly on the child you have no problem.

Answer 6

WTF? Are you serious. You think its not necessary unless its an health problem. Don't you think his mental health is important.?. You must not have had a Dad in your life. You are just being insecure, and jealous. Appearantly you could care less for this kid by wanting to make it as difficult for him to have a relationship with his dad. Some dads just are doing what they know. Communication between Mom and Dad should be encouraged, unless you want the kid to be screwed up. Thats the road your comfortable with. I feel for your wifes child, cause appearantly there is no feelings from you toward him.

Answer 7

Talk to your wife and see where she stands on this issue,and if it bothers her then tell the ex the next time he comes around that if he keeps doing it then the visits will stop and you all will have to see the judge before he can see his son again.

Answer 8

I truly dont see the problem with him contacting your wife because of the child. Now if he is seeing, or talking to your wife about something else besides the child, well then you have a problem. I think you should defenetely talk to your wife about it. Sometimes assuming things is not healthy for the relationship.
Good luck!

Answer 9

If that's as bad as it gets, trying to speak to your wife and dropping her son off at work then ignore it. He's trying to get a reaction and it's working!!! If your not careful it will come between you and your wife and that will please the Ex so don't let it... be strong and he will get the message. Good Luck

Answer 10

i feel so sorry for you it obvious from your text that you love and care for your new family maybe you and your wife need to sit and work out a plan for picking up and droping off of the child/ren and if he doesnt stick to it see a solicitor this upset is no good for the child anyway take care of your family....