Will my relationship work if we have different values?

Question

I have been in a long term relationship for over 4 years and we have had our ups and downs but I am starting to worry about our compatability. We have different values I am caring and focussed on helping other and he is money orientated and not close to his family. He has taken on my son as well and we all live together so its not always easy. I do love him though but sometimes we just do not understand each other does this have a chance in the long run? We are now relocating to another part of the UK so I guess thats why I am feeling a bit anxious. When we do get on we are fine. I have been battling depression for a while now and do wonder if this contributes to it but he has supported me as best he can but at times its so hard. Serious answers please...thank you.

Answer 1

We all have ups and downs in our relationship because any mature person knows that you take the good with the bad.

Most women are caring and focused on helping others. That is our biological nature. To nurture.

Maybe there is a reason he is not close to his family. Some men are very logical with regard to dealing with people who are not good to them or who have abused them.

So, bottom line. As long as he is not abusing you and your son verbally, physically, emotionally or financially, you've got a normal, healthy relationship.

The day you let go of a "utopia belief" of what a relationship should be, is the day you are going to be a very content woman.

Answer 2

A change might be just what you need, so by relocating you could say its bit of an adventure. Its easy to get tied down into a relationship thats just plodding a long, but also you have to realise the good things about your man. He supports you through your depression, I think you need to see a councillor to get to the bottom of your depression and find out why you feel like you do. Me & my partner have different values too, he likes to help people even if it affects our relationship and finances, but I think he should put us first. (Im probably being selfish) Take a chance and see what your new life is like, you might even love it and the new friends you will make. Its all about making a bit more effort and you will find the rewards are worth it.
Take care and try and look forward to your new adventure.

Answer 3

Well I'm not an expert but I think I give good advice. First off, their is nothing wrong with two people who have different values being together, its kinda like you two cancel each other out or rather you balance each other out. I'm married now to a woman that Ive know for over three years and we have many things about us that didn't coexist but we find a way to exist, because we love each other. Sometimes it takes putting aside values you were brought up with to make a long term relationship work. The number one thing that I think you two should do is talk about let each other know where you stand on certain things, and find the best solution that both of you agree on. As far as the depression goes I don't think it has anything to do with it, as long as you are trying to battle it and he is still their to support you, then your depression has nothing to do with if your relationship will work or not. You've been together for four years now I think you two will make it! You, him and your son will be fine. Well good luck and I hope I helped you out. God bless you both.

Answer 4

It depends on how different your values are. It would say it's no big deal that he wants to make a lot of money, but that depends on how far he goes with that. If you guys are fighting over your differences, I would say that isn't good. Because he won't change the way he thinks, and neither will you. You can't lose your values or the things you feel strong about. If he isn't family oriented I wouldn't push that with him, because those things can be really touchy subjects, and I don't know how long you've known him, or how close you are, but there could be things from his childhood that make him the way he is. I would just talk to him calmly about it. See what his opinion on it is. And then go from there. From what you say about him he sounds like a good guy, so hang in there, we all go through rough times.

Answer 5

You don't have to have the same values, just compatible values. Partners don't always understand each other, I think if they did it would be a little strange. It's understandable to feel anxious if you're moving away from family and friends, especially if they are your anchor. You'll probably have to run up a telephone bill right after you move, that's what I do. Maybe sign up for cheap calls when you get your new telephone hookup.

Answer 6

What do you mean taken on your son. Are you telling us that at times your boyfriend and your son is not on the same term? Boy, this could turn out ugly. Sounds like you only love your boyfriend just because he can support both you and your son. It's a plus that some of us can do that. But you have to be careful, though, how you want your relationship between you and your boy to turn out and how you and your boyfriend relationship can turn out. I do understand sometimes it's hard to be in love with someone who has children, but from a guy's stand point I should have asked myself whether I can love my girlfriend's children as my own as much as I would love my girlfriend. What I am thinking about seems fine and dandy, but tthat's life. It has to be this way or else relationships does not work out at all. We tend to get ourselves, I mean us men and women, in situations where the only person we really care for is the person we first met and had been going out with and no one else. It would be OK, if that is the case that there's just you and another person and no one else is involved. But the world isn't the perfect place. for you, my dear, you have to really find out from your boyfreind if he really loves your son as his own. you can't just go into a relationship just because you both love the sex part of it. You have to accept the whole package. Good enough, yes?

Answer 7

I believe that there is someone for everyone. All relationships have ups and downs. It is the ups and downs that form the bond and strengthen the relationship. All things considered your child is also involved in this and if you are not happy then neither is your child. Children are affected and suffer because of the mistakes that many moms make. I know I have done that myself. I was in a relationship that was financially stable for me and my kids but there were absolutely no emotional ties there at all. And in the end my children suffered because I wanted to give them security. That is not a bad thing but it is more than just being able to offer them security. I might not have been able to offer them much alone more than likely just provide the bare necessities for them a food, clothing and shelter but the peace that they would have had is priceless. The well being of your self and your son should be your main concern. Honey when you are depressed so is your son. We might not think tha tour kids are paying attention but they are and they feel what you are feeling. Sometimes they tend to "tolerate" a person because they think it will make "mommy" happy and that is all they want for mommy to be happy...When it should be "mommy" that wants her baby to be happy. True love will come to you in time but first you must heal yourself and be able to accept it when it gets there. I can't tell you what you should do but consider your son and then yourself......Men are with us for such a short time but our babies are ours for their entire lives. The way he turns out as an adult is only a reflection of what he was trained and taught as a child. I hope that his helps... Be strong and many blessings to you ....it will all work out..

Answer 8

I guess if both of you commit to doing everything it takes to make your relatonship work, then it will. Being with someone with completely different set of values system could be quite difficult, and exhausting at some point. But if your love for each other and your desire to be together overweighs the differences then you should both be confident that your relationship can take on any challenges in the future.

Answer 9

I am in a new relationship with someone who is completely opposite me. It is a challange with a lot of emotional ups and downs. But I do believe we can succeed as long as we maintain good communication and continually try to understand each other. It's important to respect the other persons values and beliefs even if they aren't yours. I would focus on that and enjoy each day "one day at a time". No one knows what the future holds.

Answer 10

I think that you really need to sit down and talk to him about it find out if you both feel like you're right for each other. From what you're saying I'm not sure if it'll work because the things you focus on like family, he doesn't really focus on. But you need to think is it because he doesn't want to or is he just really busy with making money to help support you and give you everything that you want to make you happy. Honestly, it doesn't really matter what other people think it matters if you two are both willing to help each other and give in to one another's needs. Is he willing to take more time of to spend it with you and the kids? Just think about the pros and cons and see what there are more of if there's more bad then good, then you might want to reconsider being with him.