Personal question?

Question

my bro has been living with his girlfriend for about 5 years now and they have two sons. one of the sons isn't his but when she was pregnant with caolan (the son that's not his) he had been seeing her. it was a one night stand she had with a guy she didn't like and she asked her m8ts to keep her away from him but she was young and well you know how these things go. but now they have been living with eachother for 5 years and caolan is 5 and jamie is almost a year. do you think it would be right to tell caolan that his real dad isn't who he thinks? not now i know but when is a good time? btw they are great parents and what not. just wondering what your views are because i was chatting to him about it the other day. thanks

I'm not asking this ques. from me. I mean when should they tell him.

Answer 1

tell him now, begore he gets older...

cheers

Answer 2

NOOOO!!!


They should tell him when he is like alot older when he can fully understand the situation and your brother should always say he is Caolan father and that he loved him no matter what either way. I mean your brother has basically been Caolans dad since forever so yeah! When he is alot older. Thats my opinion.

Answer 3

he should know by now that that isn't his dad and the real dad should be held accountable.My sister in law took my nephew away and won't let anyone see him and my brother is devastated.she has replaced my brother with another man which isn't fair to my brother or my nephew.5 is old enough to know the truth.And the real father should be apart of this but if the real father truly doesn't want this child then don't say a thing there is no point shattering this kids world if his real dad won't be there for him.your brother sounds like a good man I hope everything works out for them.

Answer 4

I think if everything is going good for this family as a whole right now. It's all about love and accepting responsibilities, your brother must be a very fine young man to take on these responsibilities as a father. The boy is young and if he has excepted your brother as his father let him do so. Best wishes to all.

Answer 5

That's a tough one!!! The child does have a right to know but think 5 is maybe a bit too young for him to understand!
It also depends on whether his 'real' Dad still sees him etc....

Sorry don't think I was much help there!

Answer 6

tell your son before he can think about reasons why this is a problem. tell him in a way which won't effect him. bascially, tell him now before he grows up more and hears the opinions of others on situations like this. because, as you said, he's happy and the marriage is working out. if there is no problem, don't try to make one. good luck. im sure things will be fine. : )

Answer 7

this is a tough one Chris!! no one could say the best time cus there aint one really, i would say the younger the better, mainly cos the younger the kid is the more accepting they are!! obviously not so young that they dont understand a word being said lol! your bro n his wife will know when the time is right !
anyway go back to asking fun and EASY Qs lol

Answer 8

when caolin is old enough (when that might be...i don't know), he should be told, if only for the sake of medical history.

he doesn't need to know the details. only that his mom was pregnant before he and his dad got married, and his dad loved her and caolin so much, that he wanted to care for them as a family.

and then dad should underscore the fact that he couldn't love him any more than he already does and he doesn't consider caolin any less his son than if he HAD been the biological father....they are still a family, regardless.

Answer 9

SURE my views are as follows

its great that your brother as took on a son not of his own flesh and blood

the thing that i dont know is what name is on his birth certificate you can change a name but that can never be changed so that needs to be thought about as one day he will have access to it may want it for I. D etc

i think in a few more years the child needs to know that your brother is his step dad only and yeah its nice that the son calls him dad and dad calls him son.

its far better for the parents to tell him while he is young and not when he is a teen/adult i think it be easier to explain.

also let your brother know that when he does know about who his bilogigal dad is that when the child gets older and he tells him of he will often hear YOUR NOT MY DAD i know i been there i have a step dad i was 2 when he came a long and YEAH i call my step dad ... DAD

also his real dad may try to get in touch with his son so it be a great shock if he dont know about him

FINALLY my real real dad died his new wife phoned my uncle who told her i think you best phone his sons to let them know ...she never knew about us,,,,,,

so as you can see you may want it to be kept hidden but who knows what wil happen and just because you dont tell him some one else might.

so it be easier for the parents and there children to know the truth and hide no secrets

the skeletons are bound to come out of the cuboard one day..

so yeah talk to your brother but he got to talk to his partner they got to make the decission.. best of luck..

Answer 10

I was adopted and told from as early as I can remember! I think it's healthy to tell kids young and make them understand it doesn't mean you love them any less because they aren't your actual "birth" child. If they are told at a later age, I think that is where the resentment begins. They feel like they've been lied to all their life.

Answer 11

I would only ask what good will come from telling him? It is clear that his real father has no involvement in his life so when is there ever going to be a right time to mess up his world.