hi, i want to start by saying i know that my decision will have to come from deep in my heart and im the only one that can make that decision.......i was just wanting others opinions on the subject. i tend to over react at times! my fiance and i have been together for five years and we have done alot to hurt one another in that time! for the past year and a half tho i thot we were putting everything behind us and starting over! i have three boys from a previous marriage and we have two boys together and a baby girl on the way (29 weeks pregnant). i thot that things were going good and that we were putting the past behind us and getting married this year (we have a wedding date set for the 23rd of this month). last night he comes out and tells me he has to be honest with me before we get married and bout a year and a half ago (maybe little longer) he messed around with a girl one night when we were fighting! i just dont know what to do now?! im so hurt and so confused at this point!!!
2007-03-11 05:57:30 · 12 answers · asked by hello :-) 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i appreciate all the answers ive recieved so far and i just wanted to add that one reason i am having such a hard time with this is the fact that yes this girl was just once but.........we have been thru this previously (yes both of us doing wrong) and bout a year and a half ago (yes bout the same time he would have messed with this girl) i had found that he had messed around with another girl when we were broke up for a few days and lied to me about it for over a year! and now...........this...... again lied to me for over a year altho it is in the past i keep asking myself how do i know everytime we get into a fight this isnt going to be what he does...runs into the arms of another girl?!? i have been married and divorced and im not getting married again just to get divorced again! i love this man with all my heart and we have stuck it out for five years but i wander.... when is it enuf and time to call it quits?!!
2007-03-11 06:30:58 · update #1
well his timing sux, but at least he came clean with you! that has to count for something. maybe counseling would help.
2007-03-11 06:08:32 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Sparks♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was a one time deal and he hasnt seen her or talked to her since then you have a kid together.This is why I tell young girls get to know the guy FIRST BEFORE making babies with him.Before you ever have sex with a guy you should know what kind of man he is and if you can get along or not and then you should marry first instead of "try it out" and make a big mess when it doesnt work out.The fact is that you have been together 5 yrs and had a kid already tells me he wasnt ina hurry to marry you, and the fact that you mostly have fought for the last 5 yrs tells me what the rest of your life together will be like.I feel sorry for you, but I feel sorry for the kids.The best thing to do at this point is get married, and go to counseling to work thru the things you fight over .
2007-03-11 06:05:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. you know, it hurts I'm sure. But if you don't feel right about it. Then don't do it.
Yes ,he could do it again. If he has to run to another women, every time you 2 fight. then he needs to understand, what it is doing to his relationship with you.
One can love a person so much, that, they don't want to let go. But what of you children?
How does it affect the siblings from your other marriage? I'm not a marriage counselor. but , if its not working out now, then it might not later.
If neither one of you can agree, on whats best, for the each of you. then it will cause problems, in the long run. If he's not willing to accept that it is his fault , and your not willing to accept it might be yours.
then you need to set some boundaries, and get it straight, before its gets father out of hand. After 5 years, you should know him.
And what he will do. And the same he should know how you feel by now, and what upsets you..
You both may be worried about it might not work, because of things before. So it stays in your mind. You need to work at it more, and slower.
Give it time. If he loves, you as he says. then let it be.
But if you still feel somethings not right. Then let him know. Don't fight about it. just let it come as it may. here each other out first.
2007-03-11 08:51:13 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it Pretty much any man will have sex with any woman that offers it. That is the nature of the species. It was 18 MONTHS ago. What the hell. He's still stays with you and not the other woman isn't he. Sex is sex. It is not love or liking. The two have been wrongly put together as synonymous. Any man can have sex with any woman and enjoy it for the moment but it is not a relationship. Women, although they won't normally admit also enjoy sex for its own sake. He's tried the rest but he stayed with the best. What is your problem.?
2007-03-11 06:12:44 · answer #4 · answered by Tony A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As my mother would say ... you really need to take this to God in prayer. But I would say he sounds like he's trying to do the right thing and nobodys perfect. Don't even think about the messing around stuff. Babies need their daddies way to much. Just be a good wife, love and support him and most of all have a forgiving spirit. They say, To err is human ... to forgive divine. Get married and have a happy life together and don't get negative! Think of your babies! Best Wish's to you and your family.
2007-03-11 06:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by Law School 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thoroughly agree. examine have shown that the couples are at not extra of a disadvantage than a hetero couple. In numerous the circumstances the infant is genuinely extra effectual off with the gay couple. i'm hetero and married to a surprising guy. who're we to return to a selection that a gay couple isn't in user-friendly terms as able, if not extra now and back, to advance a very clever baby? it particularly is a human genuine for 2 consenting adults to have the means to marry and have babies with whoever they want.
2016-09-30 12:45:43 · answer #6 · answered by linnon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget it... it's over. He's wanting to be honest. He should have kept his mouth shut but since he is feeling "guilt" that is a good thing.
I'm going to be hard on you... you need to be more concerned about your kids at this point than yourself. They need a dad and it need to be a legal dad.
None of these guys are perfect. You better marry this guy and quit getting knocked up by him.
I think he is growing up, but still not bright enough to know at some times he should keep his mouth shut. Don't make his honesty be hard for him.
2007-03-11 06:05:55 · answer #7 · answered by Raylene G. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well his timing in telling you that was not very good: you are pregnant and very sensitive at the moment. One wonders if he still loves you, if he really wants to get married with you. You have to discover this first and then decide if you can forgive him for the sake of your children or start another life without him.
2007-03-11 06:03:18 · answer #8 · answered by remy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say, IT'S ENOUGH NOW.
LEOPARDS DON'T CHANGE THEY'RE SPOTS!!!!Remember this.
He will always betray you, plus, you don't even know if those (admitted ones) are the only ones. I doubted.
No matter how much you love him, you should never accept being unfaithful, plus, you both had promised, not to again, but, HE DID. The longer you put up with this, the less he cares, if he does it or not, why? BECAUSE YOU ALLOWE IT.
Once could be forgiven, but ONLY, O N C E!!!!
2007-03-11 07:14:06 · answer #9 · answered by SwissAK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is going to be difficult to get past, for sure, but what you need to focus on is how he is now...and if he has really stopped seeing her. Once someone lies to you, it is very hard to build the trust up again, and he is going to have to earn it back.
2007-03-11 06:22:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋