Can you tell me about custody after a divorce?

Question

I'm thinking about leaving my husband. What can I expect in terms of custody? We both want to be with the kids everyday, but obviously can't have it that way if we divorce.

When do you seek custody arrangements? Do you have have to have a legal custody arrangement? How often is joint custody given?

I don't know anything about this topic.

Answer 1

my ex and i remained friends through our divorce, and did not stipulate designated rights to certain times. this really is the best way for the child. i would tell him when there was a school event, and we would attend together. doctors visits, clubs, holidays, etc...all together. the only time you will have to estimate a split in time spent is when it comes to calculating child support. he and i did the math together and figured what i definately needed, and what would allow him to support another family should he need to, and came up with a figure. the attorney plugged it into the equation so it came out to what we agreed on. this type of arrangement also really helps when it comes to meeting other men that you might want to marry. they shouldnt be bothered by the presence and friendship with your ex, if they are then dump them. its for your kids, make it as amicable as possible. just because you divorce someone doesnt mean you have to hate them. they had qualities you admired when you married them, so friendship should be expected. to this day, he comes over and watches movies and has dinner about once a month....with my new husband of five years. i know the lack of animosity between myself, my ex, and my husband has done a lot to cushion for my kids.
joint custody is the standard in all states. to get sole custody, you would have to prove the other parent unfit. in joint custody, one is the 'primary custodian' (one kids live with), and the other is 'managing conservator' (different phrasing in different states).

Answer 2

I have joint custody of my 2 little ones. My husband has them at night and I have them during the day and we switch every other weekend. We had to put that in the divorce papers and then the Friend of The Court called us and made an appointment to set up Child Support. Who ever has the children the less hours has to pay. But My Ex and I both Opt out of Frined of the court child support. I guess you can do that now. So we no longer deal with the courts we just share the expenses equally. we didnt have a bad break up though and we are still friends. Hope things go good for u. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 3

Your husband can be thinking the same thing, he can think about taking the kids as well as you, you do not have more rights then him because your a woman..not these days NOPE and second the courts do not care about what any of you have to say, you both will be going to a mediator and will sit together, you will think about who gets who what days what weekends and what holidays etc. whatever you do in court NEVER talk bad about the other parent ( you'll lose ) courts hate it, they are for the child nothing else.
Custody is given on these reason ( ages, school, activities, home, not on who is better that is BS) so this is what I would do to be a great mother, write out a list of every month holidays as well, you take every other one odd or even do this before you go to mediation ( be prepared you'll be happy)
Second, tell the mediator you want the kids to spend as much time with their father as you can or when he would like ( you'll also enjoy this and need it for yourself) second, do not worry about child support at this time, that comes second.. anyway this will work for you.

Answer 4

Joint custody is very popular these days, but it is not 50/50 like the terminology implies. The kids live with one parent and have visitation with the other, like normal, but both parents make health care, school, and other decisions together. All of this has to be agreed on in advance, either through a judge or mediation, and you will have a court order, and you will be smart if you stick to the court order. It is a big mess, you had better be damn sure that you cannot work out things in your marriage, because this is a VERY big deal. Much stress, headache and heartache awaits you.


Get a lawyer.

Answer 5

You need to sit down and talk with your husband about custody, almony, house, etc. Realize what u are taking your children thru too. It is not about u --think about your children love both of you. Ask your husband how can we work this out 6 months with u and 6 months with me, pick-up from school, etc. It is good that u both want to be involved. It has to be legal but if you and your husband can work out your arrangements it will be less expensive instead of 2 attorneys (Yes you need an attorney like the divorce this will be mention and included) Remember someone is going to pay child support.

Answer 6

You do indeed need to do this with an attorney. Anytime there are children involved in divorce, excessive financial estate(s), IRA's etc., unfortunately, you will need a barrister. Those agreements then become part of your divorce, and can be whatever you each agree upon.... and agree upon is the key here. You may both use the same attorney (they are called mediating attorneys... look in the yellow pages for attorney - divorce - mediating). What you absolutely don't want is that the two of you get involved in an adversarial divorce, where you each get an attorney.... they, then, are the only ones who come out ahead, and it is in their financial interest to drag it on and on and on............. Agree what will suit you both, so that all the mediating attorney has to do is write down your agreement, and submit it to the court. The less time he takes, the cheaper for you, and the squabbling doesn't occur. ........ the only way to divorce is civilly. Good luck, hon

Answer 7

not MUCH really. if he is violent you may want to have a restraining order.

but he is required to send money to you and your kids every month.

and required to visit them a few times a year. twice minimum

Answer 8

It all depends what country you are in and then what state.