I have visited her family a few times and they do not like me because I am Asian. They have shown distaste for our relationship. I know they are quite proud to be white in Scandanavia. Is there anyway I can change her family's mind about me? I have never done anything to be dishonorable towards her family. The only reason her family does not like me is because I am Asian. It frustrates me very much because they make me feel like I am not worthy of my wife and I am starting to feel that way and it makes me depressed. We have a daughter together and I am not sure if her family even likes our daughter.
2007-03-11 05:40:26 · 24 answers · asked by jenzwatt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Remember, you are married to your wife. Not her family. If you love her. That should be all that matters.
If the family wants time with your wife, let her visit but you stay home with your little one.
If the world was less worried about what people looked like, ethnicity & national origin would never be an issue. We are all part of the human race.
2007-03-11 05:56:55 · answer #1 · answered by pukcipriavroc8v 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you would like acceptance from your in-laws it really shouldn't matter. Your wife is the one that you share your most intimate secrets with and the majority of your time. Don't let the fact that they aren't mature enough to understand that true love has no racial, ethnical or financial boundaries. As long as the relationship between you and your wife is in tact and on a strong and sturdy foundation then be the best husband that you can be and love her for being who she is. And if her family has any form or sense of judgment then in time they will see that you are a wonderful person and that they should see you as a man who loves his wife and not as an Asian man or any other but just as being a good man. So I say to you love your wife and your daughter and teach your daughter that true love has no boundaries to love people not creed or nationality.
2007-03-11 05:48:28 · answer #2 · answered by cuRiOuS 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a German American male who married a Philippine who )( and you know about how strangers sometimes make you feel bad.
i am sorry your wife's family is not treating you better but you do realize that these people don't even know you.
You have a daughter and must be strong for her and not let these people hurt your feeling. Your daughter will be the person who bridges the gap and if you can have more children...some boys would help you out too.
You are not the first Asian who was discriminated and sadly you won't be the last. Be proud of your culture and remember you will have to be strong for your daughter ...Your wife should not have to be told how you are feeling..Is she blind? Is she that uncaring to your welfare and feeling?
If the conditions are getting to effect your physical or mental health I would just cut these people out of your life and go pursue a life that will bring you more dignity, honor, respect, and someone who really loves you. Life is to short to dance with ugly people..You are the master of your fate. and the author of your life...God Bless You..be strong
2007-03-11 05:52:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This may sound stupid, but are you absolutely sure they don't like you? Finnish people are weird when it comes to showing their emotions, and can come across as very cold and unfriendly when they're actually just shy and a not very good at socializing. If you're from a friendlier culture, you may mistake this for actual dislike. Have you tried drinking beer in the sauna with them and rolling in the snow afterwards? That tends to break the ice!
Of course, if they actually do dislike you because you're Asian you should just forget about them - they're not worthy of your friendship. You and your wife, and your daughter, are all that matters. Don't let idiots depress you.
2007-03-14 01:34:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, prejudice has been around forever. Some people grew up with it and will never budge. This is probably going to go on and on. You are who you are and that is something that cant be changed. As long as you treat your wife with respect and give her and your daughter all they deserve in life, than her family has nothing to say about it. And if they do, you are going to have to let it fall on deaf ears. Turn your cheek. These people are stubborn and wont change. Just do what you have been doing and be a good father and husband. If your wife and child love you, that is all the approval you need. Good Luck and I am sure you are a good man.
2007-03-11 05:49:06 · answer #5 · answered by mlock123 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do it be quiet, be respectful and show her parents (through the course of time) that you love and cherish their daughter. If you can do these things, in time they will see you as a man, not just as an Asian. They obviously have opinions that are deep seeded and it will take time to change their minds.
Curious that their daughter most likely knew of her parents feelings and did this to you......she had to have known you would be received this way
2007-03-11 05:52:06 · answer #6 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Supprisingly the Scandanavians have the purist white gene's in the world this is true, no wonder they don't want some asian ruining there gene pool.
As long as your wife is happy then don't worry about what they think. If she has nothing to ring home and complain about then they can't say any thing genuinelly bad about you. Remember the only person that matters is your wife.
2007-03-11 06:11:13 · answer #7 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats because of the whole sweden thing. swedes dominated the area and then there was racism towards natives who often had an asian body type and features. so there might be a slight social pressure. i have finnish family. they are not racist, so im surprised. but they are kind of stuck up. maybe what you perceive to be racism is really just a natural coldness they have? my family that is finnish is extremely cold. and they have no personal affect on their faces. barely a smile ever. i often think they hate me. but their actions, like inviting me over and making me dinner and giving me gifts are actions that say they like a person in that culture, even if they dont look very happy and they wrinkle their noses. my family is no longer in finland btw, but they go there a lot and they speak it and were born there. hope it gets better.
Add-On: im not sure you can do anything. dont do that to yourself. just avoid seeing them. im not sure what you can do. thats sad. hope you feel better. i know the coldness youre speaking of. im sorry. i hope they become more warm to you.
2007-03-11 05:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by wcarolinew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it this way, you have a wife who loves you so obviously you are "worthy of her." It's a good sign that your wife introduced you to her family because that proves that she isn't ashamed of you. You can't really change their minds though. All that you can do is continue to love your wife. You haven't done anything that gives her family a reason to dislike you so don't worry. All that really matters is that you and her support the relationship.
2007-03-11 05:46:25 · answer #9 · answered by Vince R 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's a certain point in our lives that we give up trying to please other people even if they are our in-laws. Just be yourself - be the one your wife loves. If you have a happy marriage and are blessed with a little child what more do you need? Sure it's nice to have the in-laws "approval" but you can get sucked into a mire forever with that. They're the ones who need help not you! I'm Scandinavian heritage and they don't even treat their own family very good - very distant in the first place.
2007-03-11 05:54:39 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋