i can't stop my mother-in-law from trying to be my child's mother?

Question

My daughter is 2 now and starting right from the time she was told we were expecting it has been a nightmare. She drove me nuts about what to eat and not to eat, was i gaining enough weight, is the baby going to be too small....when she found out she wasn't going into the delivery room she told me she couldn't believe that i wasn't going to alow her to see her grandchild be born, then she thought she was going to the ultrasound i told her no just me and my husband and she said well i know people at the hospital i can get in...i still told her no. She babysits two days a week only because she demanded it and my husband takes her side so i can't get rid of her. She is very secretive about what she does here during the day, or at least she doesn't want to tell me anyway. She won't listen to anything i tell her to do concerning my child it always has to be her way. what do i do to turn things around i feel like i am backed up in a corner she makes me feel insecure as a mother and wife.

Answer 1

AM SORRY YOUR GOING THRU THIS, BUT YOU NEED TO SIT YOUR HUSBAND DOWN AND TALK TO HIM, TELL HIM WHAT YOUR GOING THRU AND IF FOR SOME TWIST REASON HE STILL DOESNT ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR POSITION THEN I THINK IS TIME FOR YOU TO START THINK OTHER OPTIONS.

YOUR MOTHER IN LAW HAS NO REASON TELLING YOU HOW TO RAISE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER. YOU HAVE TO NEED TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LET HER KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON SO SHE CAN HELP YOU. ANOTHER THING, GET YOUR DAUGHTER OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S IN LAW HOME AND TAKE HER TO CHILD CARE. MAYBE YOU CANNT PAY FOR IT, MAYBE YOU CAN, SO I DONT KNOW HOW IS UR MONETARY ($$$) SITUATION.

IF SHE CAN NOT RESPECT WHAT YOU TELL HER ABOUT YOUR OWN CHILD, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE IS DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR HER?? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE IS NOT REALLY CARING FOR THIS CHILD AS SHE SAYS SHE DOES, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE IS NOT SPANKING HER OR PUNISHING HER? THERE ARE MANY QUESTIONS, I DONT CARE IF SHE IS THE GRANDMOTHER, YOUR HER MOTHER. AND AS HER MOTHER YOU HAVE TO GAIN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.

YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HER (YOUR MOTHER IN LAW) AND TELL HER TO BACK OFF OR MESSURES WILL BE TAKING. IF YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT STAND BY YOU, THEN YOU CAN TELL HIM THINGS WILL CHANGE DRASTICLY.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOUR CHILD HAS EVERYTHING SHE NEEDS, THAT IS CARING, LOVE AND PROTECTION.

AM A GRANDMOTHER AND A MOTHER IN LAW TO MY SON'S WIFE. AND I HAVE GIVEN HER ADVISE AND SAID MANY THINGS, ONCE SHE TOLD ME TO BACK OFF AND EVEN THOUGH SHE APPOLOGIZE FOR TELLING ME IN A MEAN WAY TO BACK OFF, I UNDERSTOOD I ONCE HAD A MOTHER IN LAW WHO TOLD ME THING WITH OUT ASKING, SO I DID BACKED OFF. I APPOLOGIZE TO HER AND TOLD HER I DIDNT MEANT NO HARM, BUT THAT I UNDERSTOOD.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

imo...you have to make her respect you and your standing as a mother just as she would expect the same. If it means she has to be reduced to one day a week or supervised visits, you can't let this person continue to undermine how you raise your child / how your house is maintained. You and your husband may need to talk and understand that the two of you should always pose a united front and should always remember that before your child begins to undermine / play you two (or actually 3) against each other. Good luck on what ever route you choose, but hopefully everyone will get in their respective roles.

Answer 3

There are particularly some techniques you ought to attempt to handle this reckoning on how properly you mostly like your companion's mom and no count if or no longer you desire to initiate scuffling with along with her now. i might attempt getting alongside along with her and your husband and the two one among you at the same time letting her understand which you relish the strategies, yet that your mom has already planned the toddler bathe, you desire your husband and mom with you in transport, and which you do no longer think of you would be waiting to permit every physique shop her while she's 2 weeks previous. purely attempt to be as friendly as achieveable and make certain that's a joint assertion from you and your husband. i does no longer tell her which you do no longer have faith her although... purely permit her understand that her opinion is significant to you, yet which you 2 might rather do issues your very own way.

Answer 4

You may need to get western with her and let her know plainly who's boss. Some people do not respond to hints and niceties, so you have to give it to them straight. You can always tell her you are going to restrict her seeing your child if she doesn't back off. Your husband should support you in this also since you are his wife. The wife should always come before the mother in disagreements.

Answer 5

I can see why you're so concerned!

First you've got to deal with the issue with your husband. If he won't help you keep his mother in line you might need to consider some counselling. He absolutely must be YOUR partner in this. You may need to do some compromising, too, but that's good. What isn't good is having his mom manage the kids and ignore your wishes.

When my kids were small both my MIL and my mother tried to tell me how they had to be raised and it got so bad that one year when they were both small I spent Christmas Eve in tears because I dreaded the next day when they would both be in my house. I realized that was absolutely a ridiculous way for me to live. I was an adult and a wife and mother and I was going to raise my children the way my husband and I decided, not the way our mothers decided.

The next time my mother called to tell me what I was doing wrong with my kids I said in a very firm, but not angry voice, "Mom, I love you, but you do not have permission to talk to me this way any longer. This is the last time. I'm the mother of these kids, and they'll be raised the way I want them raised. If you want to be with my kids you will do things the way I want them done. While I'd hate for this to happen, if my rules about raising my children aren't followed, we won't be able to spend time with you any more. I hope it doesn't come to that." I was prepared to hang up if she argued, but she was shocked- she just listened. She tried to explain herself in ways that made me look bad, but I ignored them and said my piece.

She got very quiet, and I said, "I love you, Mom, and I'll talk to you later." I hung up, and I stuck to my guns, and by jobe, things changed.

With my MIL it did require spending less time with them and not allowing them to keep my kids very often. She had actually thrown away books I'd bought them because they didn't suit her religious tastes, and she would tell them things like, "I can't believe your mother lets you live this way!" referring to my not-good-enough house keeping. She made our dog stay outside for a solid week because "dogs don't belong in the house" while we were on vacation- completely ignoring our practices with our dog. Although we still saw them on holidays and special occassions I did have to minimize visits. Over time she learned that if she wanted to see the kids, she would have to understand that she had her chance to raise her kids. She was going to have to understand that although I was not her favorite person she did have to respect me. Now it was my turn to raise my kids.

It was hard but very freeing. When I hung up that phone with my mom I felt like a 10 ton weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I ended up raising two excellent kids who are good, responsible, etc. and even ther grandparents can now see that doing it our way worked beautifully.

So raising them our way (the way my husband and I agreed on) turned out best for the kids.

And the kids are the most important thing.

Answer 6

You should talk to your husband. Because in the long run you're going to start resenting him; if you don't already. You two should set the rules together and set limits with her together. Good luck.

Answer 7

u need to lay the law down to both your husband and his mother maybe even threaten to leave if he does not protect u from his mothers obsesive behavior give them heck and stand firm do not back down good luck