WELL, what do u think of my POEM???

Question

The wind blows across my face,
As in my hand I hold my suitcase,
Ready to leave,
Trying not to greave,
For my loss of a love one,
My eyes shone,
With water,
I try not to falter,
For I cannot bare to leave,
Or once again greave,
Why must things be this way,
All through the night and day,
I try not to cry,
Though I can’t forgive the lies,
The lies that my love one told,
Creating a fold,
A fold in our relationship,
A rip in our friendship,
Before he passed away,
As the suns rays,
Shone across his face,
He lost the race,
The race for life,
Life was the race,
I’ll never forget his face,
Though he left this world with a disagreement,
I never meant,
Meant for this to happen,
I shouldn’t have been mad,
For now I am sad,
And gone he is,
Gone forever,
Just like my happiness.

IS THIS POEM ANY GOOD? HOW DOES IT MAKE U FEEL? WHAT DO U THINK ITS ABOUT?

THANK U ALL IN ADVANCE

could u please rate it on a scale from 1 to 10? thanks

i'm 23 u jack ***! (judas)

I WANTED IT TO RYME! (sp)

Answer 1

i was once told that the best way to get your feelings across was to write them all down on paper, for that i give you a 20 , for the poem id give you a 15 if i could but as you only go up on a scale of 1 to 10 i give you a 10. your poem suggests that at the time of writing it you are very vulnerable and greiving of a sad time in your life. this poem brings sad memories for me, but it also reminds me of happy times that i shared with my loved one before he died, i salute you for showing the millions of people signed up to yahoo answers and the millions of visitors your emotions congratulations on getting your feelings out into the open, and i hope for your sake that your pain goes away one day your poem is a brilliant poem

Answer 2

If I knew your age and writing background I could grade this a little better, but for now I will give it my best shot!

Your poem seemed to be written in basic rhyme, but there were a few lines not. There was no set rhythm pattern or meter, and your vocabulary was very simple. Some improvements would be to extend your lines longer before your rhyme scheme, or try to pick a pattern (such as iambic, one of the easiest) which will make your poem flow, and then choose some more expressive words, via a dictionary, to help with your vocabulary.

Now your content, the idea and information truly sounds genuine. It does make me feel sad (leaving/losing a loved one is always hard) and that is something you want to do, get the reader's attention. I would be curious to know if this was written based upon a true incident.....?

So overall, if you are at least 16 years old and in high school, your writing level should be a bit above. I would rate this poem about a 5. If you are younger than that, I would give your poem more of a 7. Either way, continue to write, you have some good qualities developing there! Smiles!

Answer 3

7

Answer 4

I give this poem a 9. At some points I felt like you were stretching to make things rhyme, but poems don't always have to rhyme.

Other than that, I think it's a great poem and I can really relate since I lost my ex-boyfriend very unexpectedly in July 2006. The difference is, we got to talk before he died and even though we broke up before he died (he just wasn't ready), we were on good terms and I got the closure I needed before he died. If we hadn't talked like that before he died, it would have been soooo much harder for me.

Answer 5

I rate it as a 10 because it is obviously straight from the heart. I think it is about that age old problem we all seem to have-- not realizing what we have until it's gone. The poem is very sad. Are you going to give it a title? Best wishes in the future.

Answer 6

I'm moved by the way you express the story, as it's really clear. But the ryhmes and the composition of it.. it dosen't quite fit. It's too long and too.. concentrated, it dosen't let the mind think about it. You should let your soul breathe... in (as you find the words to express) and out (as you flow the words).
It personally made me feel.. repressed, but I always love a story so thumbs up on that.
But remember to empahize every sentiment, every step of the journey of your writing.
I wouldn't scale your poem, as I can't sincerely find on coparison to what. Poems are not scaled, darling, as they are all different. But in MY liking, in MY comparison to un-professional poems I'll give you a: 4.
Sorry, I'm kinda harsh, but I'm being honest, as I like people to be honest with me too.
My poems are not that good, I know that, but I adore to write them so that's what matters.
Good luck and keep on writing no matter what ANYONE says.

Answer 7

I give it a 3!Its ok, to me it seems like you tried a little to hard to ryhme at the beginning, but towards the middle, when you said...
"For I cannot bare to leave,
Or once again greave,",
it started to flow.I think it is about a loved one that meant a lot to you. They tried to hold on to their life, but it slipped away. You felt horrible and depressed because his relationship to you wasn't so truthfull.

Answer 8

Well I can't give any marks to the poem. Because poems are not written to be given marks .The lines of any poem are written to express the thoughts of the author and to share it with others - not only you , the long line of Wordsworth , Longfellow , Byron .....and all the poets who have written atleast a few lines ..

Anyway thank you for allowing me to share your inner feelings by allowing me to read what you have written .

Answer 9

Really - I mean are you all just being nice or what - well the ones who are saying nice things I mean...cos to me it couldn't be more contrived if it tried. I'm sorry chick, but you don't sound like you've ever broken a toe-nail, let alone lost a loved one.

Just a little tip - poetry doesn't have to rhyme! I know, I know, it's a shock, but life's like that.

Answer 10

i do like it. 10 being the best, i give it a 7. it expresses your feelings in a clear and and expressive manner. you could use more literary devices (symbolism, metaphors, etc.) but your imagery in helping the reader to picture it and feel what you feel is quite nice. it's not very complex, but sometimes in poetry this is a good thing.