I'm 28 and I'm dating a 35-yr-old divorced guy. The problem I'm having is with his family. After the divorce my boyfriend went back to live with his mom's house which besides his mom, his younger brother & his wife live there as well. Last Dec my boyfriend asked me to move in with him, so I did. But his brother & his wife treat me as if I'm intruding their lives. I know they live there, but it's his mom's house, not theirs, and as long as my boyfriend & his mom say it's ok, I don't think it's none of their business. They're planning to move out asap and they say it's because they don't like having two families living under one roof. Am I wrong to move in there or is it none of their business and they have no right to be upset at me? They told the mother that it's because we're not married yet, but I think it's because they don't like me moving in to the house. If my boyfriend lives alone, I don't think they care.
2007-03-11 04:29:14 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To answer one of the questions, his mom didn't approve of me living together with my boyfriend at first, purely because we're not married, not because of living in her house. But eventually she accepted it as long as his son is happy, and she treats me quite well.
2007-03-11 04:58:21 · update #1
That's too many people in one house, too much drama, and just not normal. You guys need to get out of the house and live on your own, as should his younger brother and wife. Nothing good will ever come from this living arrangement, and so to answer your question, yes it is your fault. You should not have moved in in the first place.
2007-03-11 04:34:38 · answer #1 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think that if your boyfriend wanted you to move in with him, he should at least be responsible and mature enough to have his own place.. not being shacked up with you in his Mom's house.
At 28 years of age, I would imagine that you should be a lot more grounded and financially stable than this. I can't picture what is even remotely appealing to you, about living with your boyfriend, in his Mother's home...
I can definately see why some of his family would have problems with the situation, for several reasons.
If you and your boyfriend are so set on living together.. why don't one (or both) of you get a place the two of you can share. You're both adults, and shouldn't be staying with his family like that.. It's not a very responsible thing to do.
Sure, maybe after his divorce, finances are tough for him.. Maybe he's trying to save some money or whatever, but that's him. He may have a legit reason to be living in his Mother's home.. you however, do not.
2007-03-11 14:32:43 · answer #2 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very difficult for two families to live together under one roof. While I can understand your boyfriend needing to move home to "recover" financially from a divorce, moving you in with him wasn't a good idea.
It also isn't a good idea for his brother and wife to be living at home with his mom either. I don't see where they have any room to talk about you.
However, I think all of you are missing the point. You are all old enough to be living on your own and supporting yourselves. None of you should be living with his mother.
You are only cheating yourself by moving in with your boyfriend (before marriage) in the first place. He has everything to gain, and you have everything to lose. Why offer him all the benefits of marriage with none of the responsibilities or commitment? What reason does he have to marry you then?
2007-03-11 11:53:09 · answer #3 · answered by Mugsy's Place 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a disaster waiting to happen. I suspect the divorce devastated your boyfriend financially. I hope he recovers. But I promise you that no house can have 2 ladies of the house. You should get a place of your own. It is a bad idea to move in together before marriage. The chances of a divorce go up 50%. But it would be better than moving in with your mother in law before you are even a wife. It will be quiet and you don not know if your relationship can even work.
What I promise you is that if you strain the relationship between him and his family your chances are worse. You want his family to be your friends. Family was important to your boyfriend during the divorce, and he needs them now until he recovers.
2007-03-11 11:37:47 · answer #4 · answered by eric l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other couple, you should get married first, living with an unmarried couple would me feel awkward. You have to consider everyone's standards, not just your own. At 35 and after a divorce he still can't face life on his own? Any guy who needs to live with his mother, no matter what his excuse - is a poor choice.
2007-03-11 12:14:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is a 12 yr old in the body of a 35 yr old.What 35 yr old man lives with his mommy?Why dont this boy have a job, a place of his OWN , transportation etc?Why did he ask you to be his shack up whore at his mommies house instead of his wife?As for the brother and his wife, they arent any better than him.Whose fault you ask is it?The mothers for rasing such lazy good for nothing bums.She should boot everyone of you out YESTERDAY!Youre 28?Why arent you working supporting yourself with transportation and your own place to live girlie?Are you one of those lazy women who will shack with anything to keep from having to work?MY GOD! Get some self respect!Do something with your life besides be a shack up whore at your boyfriends(I emphasize the word BOY) "MOMMY'S" house.
2007-03-11 11:38:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It not your fault, but having all those people under the roof is quite hectic and there is a lack of privacy on everyones behalf. You and he should seriously look into getting a place of your own. You will be much happier and I think all the relationships in the house would greatly improve.
2007-03-11 11:37:56 · answer #7 · answered by mlock123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 35 year old son should not move his girlfriend into his parents' house. There are too many people there anyway. Get a place of your own. One more person in any household creates problems.
2007-03-11 11:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by ra63 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't do better than
a 35 year old guy that lives with his Mommy? Between the two of you, you can't manage your own place? Sorry, but people so inept or lazy that they can't take care of themselves, aren't ready for any adult relationship. Just curious- Does Mommy cut his meat, and help him dress in the morning? perhaps tie his shoes for him?
2007-03-11 11:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not ur fault and i think ur brother in law and his wife are being very rude! It;s not their house and as long as youe mother in law says its ok, i think u should stand ur ground and stay, it seems like its them with the problem! They could also be looking for an excuse to move out and are using u so as not to hurt the feelings of ur mother in law, assuming she is a sensitive person having let both your brother in law and your families move in.
2007-03-11 11:48:47 · answer #10 · answered by carina n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋