Why do people, especially women need commitment?

Question

Don't obligations suck...When you are married/commited you are basically saying, you can't have fun with anybody else.

Is marriage all about owning others and being selfish?

When you were kids, did your best friend get mad at you for wanting to play football with the new kids down the street?

When you were teens, was it not cool to hang out with differnt people every once in a while?

In college, was it not fun to have random sexual encounters?

My point is this: life us full of fun activities.

Why is it that when peole get married, they are only allowed to have fun with the spouse?

And when people break this rule, its called cheating:

Angry woman says: "You were supposed to be commited to having fun with me only! So now I'm going to take half of your stuff."

How selfish is that?

Answer 1

I think for the most part the need to commit, especially for women is based on insecurity and the need for status. For instance, the ones that don't think that fantasizing about another woman, having friends of the opposite sex and actually talking to them, etc is normal. As long as when the day is done, you go home to the wife, I say that's good enough. The insecure ones don't want you to even look at another woman, and when you want to rest and have a minute to yourself after a hard day's work, they say you're "not being attentive" to their needs! Then, yeah, they find some other guy to latch on to and do the same thing to them.

Answer 2

You gave up your right to have "fun" with others the day you CHOSE to say your vows... assuming there was no angry father with a shotgun standing behind you.
If you go to work most days (when you feel like it) and do a half-a$$ed job, what happens? Bad review, no raise, and probably fired. Same thing with a marriage - you get out of it what you put into it.
As for playing football with the new kids or hanging out with new friends, ideally, those that are married have moved beyond the childhood/adolescent years - though I'm beginning to wonder about that.
And for the "fun" - it doesn't HAVE to be boring. Once you're that close to a person, being open and honest about what you'd like to do for fun, and what you'd like to try, becomes easier.
Marriage isn't selfish, it's actually about putting your spouse's needs above your own. It's the people IN the marriage who tend to be selfish. And if you married a selfish person, that's your own damn fault. It's not ownership, it's more like a long term lease agreement. The other person is free to walk or have fun with someone else at any point they choose. But, they have to be willing to give up the marriage for it...

Answer 3

I'm sorry you are an unhappy person. The thing people want most is acceptance and the thing people want the least is rejection. You have to deal with both. Having a good friend is very rewarding. If that friend is your spouse, it is fantastic. What makes you thing you can't have 'fun' with your spouse? People get married because they love the companionship and total acceptance they receive from their spouse. Of course, there are bad marriages just as there are people you had rather do without. As for commitment, that's life. You make them all the time. If you are single and in the 'dating game' it can be a jungle out there. With a loving spouse it is Nirvana. There is a good book by Dr. Phil - Self Matters. You would do well to read it.

Answer 4

Committment is something that encompasses much more than marital relationships.

It also means doing your job with pride and attention to detail; not becuase you get paid to, but because you have a committment to quality.

It means that your word is either bond or it isn't worth spit. If you tell someone you're going to be somewhere at specific time, you BE there, ready to do whatever is needed of you.

It means dedication to a skill or craft, because you want to master something. Committment is closely tied with motivation.

If all you want to do is sleep around, do so. Just use protection so you don't spread diseases to the rest of humanity.

And if you ARE in a relationship - married or otherwise - don't do it "on the sly." Be man enough to talk it over with your partner and do things as a couple.

Marriage is not about "owning" others. It's a partnership - not a master/slave thing.

Unless you're into BDSM; that's different, and it's the sub who's really in control, anyway.

Answer 5

Hang on! The weddings I've attended have all pretty much laid it out in advance as far as the major ground rules're concerned. Once you've agreed to commit (presumeably a volunteer effort) you're on the hook for the implications thereof-all the way to the bitter end. Yeah, maybe these obligations suck, but they didn't come sneaking up on you unawares. Blinded by love, lust, or whatever, many men awake to the realization they're in for more committment than they've bargained for. the new bride'll keep ya informed as to the exact extent of your transgressions on a real-time basis-guaranteed. Part of their bargain, I suppose.
Bottom line is read the fine print, only commit to what you'll execute, realize a vow won't change how you intend to behave and when you lose confidence, it will be in your half of the relationship.

Never begin a relationship that defines timelines like "till death do we part" unless you're confident of your ability to execute on all of the fine print. Good luck!

Answer 6

For two people in love all you need is each other to have fun, but I am sure you will never figure that out. I don't know how old you are but you come across like some dumb kid that has never had a relation ship with anyone in your whole life. You have so much growing to do as a man. With some luck maybe earth will still be here when you finally figure that out.

Answer 7

You are missing the point. You are free to see anybody you wish. You can sleep with as many women as you wish. You are free to live any way that pleases you. BUT, when adults marry, they make a vow to be mutually exclusive sexually. Nothing forces a person to marry, or promise to be faithful. But, if they do make that vow, they should live in accordance with that vow. Or is your complaint that you made the vow, but don't wish to keep the vow? So, you are trying to say that the vow is wrong, and it's OK for you to screw around, even though you expect YOUR wife to be true. You sound like a kid, mad cuz they can't have their own way.

Answer 8

Marriage I think was invented in efforts to cut down on societal chaos. [imagine all the extra kids that would be around? and diseases?]
hey, believe me, I definately see ur pt. of view tho.
I think if ur real free-spirited, u'll be much happier being single.and there's nothing wrong with that at all. u have to know urself enough b4 tying that knot. everyone's wired differently. some folks are happiest being married, some aren't.
what are ur values?
commitment, security, stability in a relationship?
or passion, being spontaneous,and having glorious fun?
on the other hand some couples seem to have all that together.....atleast for awhile anyway

Answer 9

If you don't accept marriage as a union between TWO people for life, then don't get married. It's all quite simple. Marriage isn't "you plus me plus whoever else I choose to have sex with". If you want to sleep around, be single for life. Doesn't seem like that much of an issue to me.

Answer 10

Yes I have noticed that about women. Men may be that way to but it seems like women are more likely to be that way. Women will go from one bad relationship to another. I don't know why they do that. They are rather odd that way. It is sort of like they just want someone to bail them out or maybe they are emotionally dependent. They just won't be independent.