Hello,I need some Advice my Husband of 19 Years has been seeing a Sex Worker for 4 Months,He Told me Today,I asked had he slept with her and he said Yes on 4 Different Occasions and they have met in a Private Place about 6 Times to talk,He wants me to forgive him and To Forget it happened,Should I Forgive Him or cut my Losses,Would be grateful for any advice,Cheers.
2007-03-10 23:20:59 · 24 answers · asked by Spud 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, this other woman is not a "sex worker", she's a whore. I hate political correctness, you should call a spade a spade.
Second, you need to get yourself tested for STDs such as HIV and Genital Herpes. He also needs to get tested immediately.
Third, IMO, the relationship has been mortally wounded. Not sure it can be saved. Even if it can be, it's going to take a LOT of time, counseling and rebuilding of trust. Only you can do the soul searching involved and come up with the answer to whether or not the relationship is worth saving.
If you still love him and you want the relationship to continue, I would STRONGLY recommend getting counseling for both of you because most likely, there will be some very hard feelings and bitterness on your part (which are natural) that you will have to get over eventually in order for the relationship to work out long term.
Good luck!
2007-03-10 23:29:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
He must be really really guilty to come out and tell you.
Things like these cannot be forgiven so easily [or even at all].
But please put these things at mind
Feel free to be angry at him. Feel free to hate the sex worker for life. But don't feel free just by forgive him - he's now really prone to cheating again.
These things can really interrupt your daily life, so try to continue working hard, even through something as tough as this. Instead of being the troubled worker with marrage problems, be the employee of the month in the near-perfect relationship.
As a product of divorced couple, my opinion is that you should not leave him, although I am quite aware of disadvantages of both sides.
If you divorce, you will practically be in a war for money children, cars, houses, etc. It's just terrible financially and emotionally. Just watch the movies. It's [almost] the same.
If you stay, he'll still may see that sex worker. Then she can contract STDS, soon your husband, then you yourself. Also, you'll be more prone to a divorce in the future. Your best bet, if you want to stay with him is to not act like your casual nit-picky married couple, but as two individuals who are really reliant on each other. Don't bring up this matter at all times.
Also, fulfill his sexual needs more, while making him work for it [a new pay check maybe? Even waiting for you is good enough.]. He's talked to her alot too, so also when he tries to talk to you, don't be too biased. Instead just listen to him for a moment, just sit and be pretty for him.
All I have to say about your husband is that he's a really gutsy man to just tell you can still ask for forgiveness.
Be strong, be forgving but alot more tougher to break, and try to be a better family.
2007-03-11 07:57:38 · answer #2 · answered by Pristine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That lady is a hooker. There is no need to divorce him because he wanted a little strange action. 19 years is a really long time don't you think.
Don't you think that maybe he wanted something a little different after so long.
So if you are going to divorce him and throw away a 19 yr marriage go ahead and do it. Remember, he would not have left you for a hooker. He might have just had an itch for STRANGE that he needed to scratch.
And don't tell me that in your 19 years you have been completely faithful. I bet there is some deep dark secret that you don't tell him otherwise he would leave you. Mhmm.
2007-03-11 07:26:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you just forgive and forget (which I dont see how you can do) how do you know it will not happen again? He has lied about 10 times before why not 1 more time. Leave.
Oh yeah you can forgive and forget but that doen't mean you have to stay with him.
2007-03-11 09:10:35 · answer #4 · answered by Jennie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can do that to ya, then what else has he already done that you don't know about.
Either he has been taught to perform better for ya, or he is a looser trying to get back what he already lost before the sex worker.
You can do better, find a real man to live your life with that won't need a sex worker, just you.
2007-03-11 07:33:17 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That he confided in you about this means that there is hope for you two. I would give him the benefit, I never had that luxury, my ex ran off with his co worker when I was five months pregnant with our second child.
There is always hope to work it out unless one of you is not willing to do so. It sounds like your question is asking if it's ok if you dump him for that and want to know if it's ok for not working things out. I would definately take him up on his offer to work things out. He made his mistakes and knows it, and told you about it and wants to make it better.
Good luck for you two. It sounds like he knows that he has a great wife and hopefully he will continue to have someone like you for many more years of marraige.
Not a big fan of cheating, but give him a chance, he sounds like he really needs you in this problem......
2007-03-11 07:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by kaliroadrager 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you still love him???? I guess hat is the only question. If you don´t...leave him no matter the children. If you still love him sometimes things get solved.You have to try and figure out how much this will brake you, some people can´t stand it but at least you could take a chance to figure it out. If you decide to give him an opportunity, make the rules clear. (and both be checked for STD´s...consult your OBGYN)
2007-03-11 07:29:07 · answer #7 · answered by L V 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After an Aids test, I would suggest he prove his repentence in the form of compensation. A diamond the size of a rock would help you reach the stage where you can bear to be in the same room with him.
2007-03-11 07:24:34 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not an affair, its simply a commercial fornication! Your husband is either too active sexually or you aren't giving him enough.
If he hadn't had safe sex with a walker, not only cut your losses but cut HIM too....AIDS would be the least of the troubles you would have!
Even if he had safe sex, his mind is corrupt and infected. Either he repents and subjects himself to a medical test and leads a faithful life with you...or he GOES...
2007-03-11 12:08:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Knowing what you know, why would you want to stay with a man like this? Seriously, do you really think anything good will come of it? He cheated, and he's proven that he can't be trusted. If you can't trust, you have nothing. Men like this aren't worth your time. It's just unfortunate that it took you 19 years to find out what kind of man he really is. Too bad you couldn't have found out about him sooner.
2007-03-11 07:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by heather_chavous 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋