2007-03-10 22:52:26 · 11 answers · asked by notme 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
you have asked a very thought provoking, great question here...
one, I think, that you will see (if you have not already) is something, unfortunately, a lot of women face....
talking helps, with or without him around.. to him or not... it helps
and
thinking... not obssessing... lol.. but thinking about the person he is.. how unlike (or likely) it is for him to act/react during stress... etc...
and
letting go... my personal cross.... I do not let go easily..... but once confronted, discussed and resolved for good or ill.... the last step is to let it go..... not keep it close.. or hold it...
for me, it is not a matter of "power" to forgive... the forgiveness is almost easy when there is love... it is a part of love...
for me it was understanding his side, his reasonings... and then coming to terms with how I felt inside.. how I had felt belittled.. small and nothing... even if for a short time? those feelings did not just go away cause he stopped... they stay and fester like an open wound untreated....
for that part, I needed to talk to him... I needed the closure; the why he had acted like that... and the understanding that he "got" that what he did was not right.. that he had hurt me... and that with that understanding he would not only not do it again... but could appreciate the "us" better... by talking to me when he was feeling stressed and alone..
his reasonings turned out to be he felt cornered.... that his life was now not his... and even though he and I both had wanted and hoped for children.. he found suddenly that what he had wanted... planned for.. he wasn't ready for... and wanted to delay it again.. he felt as confused and lost as any of us do when pregnant the first time... only he had no way to express it... most certainly none that are acceptable "manly" ways.... so he got angry... we all do... his mistake was in venting it incorrectly... and on the one person he should have let down his guard to express those feelings to...
I found I was able to forgive the actions when I understood the reasons...
I found after fifteen years though? you do not ever "forget" the forgiving is easy... it is love... the rest is something we all gotta muddle through... as couples.....
thank you for taking the time to read this...
I truly hope it is of some help
good luck
if you would like to vent/talk or have no one you feel you can talk to? feel free to email me via my profile....
2007-03-12 08:07:46 · answer #1 · answered by elusive_001 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My husband wasn't terribly supportive through my pregnancy. I went to most doctor visits alone, he didn't come up to touch my belly or offer to rub my feet the way you see on tv.
In fact, we had some very trying times- he had gotten drunk and said some really hurtful things that still haunt me. We came close to breaking up.
I think with pregnancy, we are highly emotional and some men do not react to that well. My husband feeds into my PMS by becoming equally- if not more bitchy then I am. In addition- we have this ideal that we will be pampered and treated like a queen- after all we are growing a baby inside of us.
It took a while for me to get past the anger I held towards my husband for this- our son is now a year old and I still have doubts. However- we got pregnant again immediately and that child was stillborn. That brought us much closer together and now he realizes how special and treasured a pregnancy should be.
I hope you do not need to deal with a tragety for your husband to be more supportive or do get over the anger of the past. If it has been over a year I suggest you seek couples counseling and get the help you need to save your marriage.
2007-03-11 08:44:35 · answer #2 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well pregnancy is a hard time for not only the mum to be but the husband as well .. i guess u just find the power in the fact u have both just brought a beautiful baby into the world and thats what u need to focus on .. but that doesnt mean he gets away scot free let him know he has done wrong ... and then work on building your family good luck
2007-03-11 07:01:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Join the club. I think theres alot of bad guys out there who treat you like crap no matter what the circumstances are. I went through it and now everything is sooo much worse. If you really love the guy though you just need to tell him how you feel its alot of hard work to carry a baby inside of you for 9 months and for someone not to appreciate it just sucks!
2007-03-11 07:03:20 · answer #4 · answered by evil_munchgin420 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned "awfully", therefore, my suggestion would for the both of you to go get counseling. IF he treats you this bad, how is he going to treat your baby? If he treats you bad again, leave. Quickly. Start now to find where you could go, so you have a plan with your bags packed, and the baby's too. No one deserves to be treated meanly. I wish you the best.
2007-03-11 07:09:05 · answer #5 · answered by babbles 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
depends how bad he treated you, maybe it wasnt as bad as u think {u didnt tell us, so i dont know how bad} when your pregnant u over react to everything more, if hes treating u better now and has apologised, try and move on, as long as hes truly sorry, nearly all our husbands can b real pricks at times, even while we are pregnant, if u want to forgive him only u can, good luck
2007-03-11 07:04:55 · answer #6 · answered by ROCKMUM LOVES BOWIE 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That depends on had bad he treated you. If it was really bad then dont forgive him and move on with your life. It may be hard to do but sometimes it has to done. If it wasnt too bad then just talk to him about how he treated you and tell him you are going to forgive him but that he better not treat you like that agian
2007-03-11 07:09:29 · answer #7 · answered by Oops! 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It is hard to forgive someone when they have treated you so badly. Just pray for the strength to forgive.
If he is still treating you badly then you should leave him. No one deserves to be treated like a dog.
2007-03-11 07:12:58 · answer #8 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
you don't necessarily have to forgive him. just let it go. it will be better with time.
unless he has mistreated you physically. in that case, you never forgive him. divorce him and get a restraining order against him.
2007-03-11 07:02:58 · answer #9 · answered by impossiblemama 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
you dont. You file for divorce. I have been in an abusive relationship , and it only gets worse.
2007-03-11 06:58:19 · answer #10 · answered by tammer 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋