Question for married men?

Question

Part 1 - You have been married for almost 3 years, but you and your wife have had problems for almost 2 1/2 years. At first they were simple disagreements, maybe a more serious issue came up every now and then, but nothing major. Then your wife finds out that you have a porn addiction. You lie about it and say you are going to stop. 2 1/2 years later you are still doing it, infact, the problem has gotten worse. In the course of these 2 1/2 years, you cheat on your wife twice. Once with your ex-girlfriend (she is naked when you arrive and you use a *** toy on her, but you realize you are making a mistake and leave). By the way, you don't mention this incident until a little over a year later when your wife asks you if you have ever cheated on her. One with an ex-fling. You run into her New Year's Eve and end up going to her house with a group of people to play dominoes (at 1:00 in the morning). Your wife suggests that you and her works things out. See Part 2.

Part 2 – You say okay and tell her that you want to make things right. Your wife said she would try to forgive you and would need time to get over it. When asked about the intimate details of the second infedelity situation, you get upset, but finally agree to talk about it. You are supposed to be coming clean, completely clean, and your wife asks you if you used protection with this ex-fling. You insist that you did, but you know you are not telling the truth and so does your wife. Your wife keeps asking you and you finally come clean and say that you didn’t use protection. Your wife tells you to get tested for HIV and STD’s so you do. You test positive for genital herpes. At this point you are in disbelief but you are now at your wife’s mercy. You basically beg her to forgive you and want her to stay with you forever, constantly saying you want to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work. See Part 3.

Part 3 – Your wife gets tested and she is not positive for genital herpes, so you go and get a second opinion. The results come back negative. You are overjoyed and now not so willing to make that sacrifice for the marriage anymore. You are back to your old self, and everytime your wife cries (thinking about the infedelity) you tell her that she said she could get over it and that she should have given it more time before asking you to come back if she couldn’t. You tell her all this and say you know she will never forget, but she said she would forgive you. All the while, you are still viewing porn and covering your tracks. You have a history of lying to your wife and she doesn’t trust you. You are starting to feel boxed in because everytime you want to hang out with your single friends your wife becomes insecure. You are frustrated because she won’t trust you again, so you take matters into your own hands. See Part 4.

Part 4 - You go where you want, regardless of how insecure your wife feels. After all, you refuse to be boxed in because she can’t trust you. If you decide to stay out all evening and not check in with her at least once then you think that’s okay. If you decide to go to your friend’s house an hour away and get have several drinks, you think it’s okay to stay the night at their house until you sober up in the morning. Your wife cries her heart out and begs you not to go, but you tell her you are not going to spend another weekend arguing with her.

My question to the married men is this – if you know that you have lost your wife’s trust, and you know that you have lied to her time after time, and if you know that you have cheated twice, would you do everything possible to make the relationship right if you cared for someone or is what you want to do more important? Do you feel that you should be able to do the things you did before you lost your wife’s trust?

By the way, I would like to add that as this man's wife I am not totally innocent. I have NEVER cheated, but I do have a lot of insecurities. I feel that I need to check up on everything that he does. I tend to pick a lot of arguments with him out of frustration, and he is a very laid back person. I tend to keep the arguments going while he is trying to avoid them. It's all out of frustration, but I know it's not right. As of now, my husband is not home. He decided that regardless of how I feel and how much I trust him and how much I have cried, he is going to get out of the house so he doesn't have to spend this weekends arguing with me. He went to a reception and then called me to say they were having a "fellas night out". He asked if I wanted him to come back and get me and take me to his parents so I can feel comfortable while he goes out. He'd rather work it out so he can have fun than to avoid the situation all together.

Answer 1

I'm not a man, but I will tell you this - your husband has proven what type of person he is, plain and simple. He's a person who doesn't give a flip about you, and can't be trusted...EVER. How many more disgusting things does he have to do to prove this to you?

Things will never work out with him. People don't change that much...he will always cheat. He will just try to hide it better next time. But he WILL do it again. You can tell by the way he's acting about all of this that he's just waiting for another chance to cheat.

Get out while you still can, and move on with your life. Leave him and his STD and let him fend for himself. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

to answer this question realisticly and right to the point. With myself separated with my wife after a 6 year total relationship, being married three of those years, ive been around and seen enough of whats going on behind enemy lines. The man wouldnt be cheating and lying and what not if the woman was honestly doing her part in the relationship to make it loving and trusting. more than likely this woman is insecure about her own wrong doings, and is jumping ALL OVER this guy taking out her anger and problems on him, therefore causing him to lose patience and care for her. This lady has probably done the same exact thing and is worried, because she is doing or done wrong, that her man IS, no if ands or buts about it. ITS jealousy. PRIDE COMES BEFORE THE FALL and that woman didnt want to loose her dignity and pride for what she had done so she covers it up and feels better about her self by lashing out on the husband until her outragious outrages and comments and rude gestures finally cause him to reach a breaking point and say "screw it, i dont deserve this, i can do better. But when it comes down to it, its a competition to see which one is going to sleep around the most and that drives the jealousy level skyward, and makes both him and her wanting to come back to eachother over and over again. Not that they truly love each other, but because they have been together so long there had grown a dependency to eachother. TOO late for that though. their marriage is already too far gone at this point. They just keep bringin eachother down the longer and longer they stay together. So thats it.

Answer 3

Most men don't care. I am going through something similar. About three years ago my DH asked for a separation. I was not for it but he was acting strange then. Come to fid out that he was cheating with someone he met on the internet. He move her here with her two kids ( we didn't have any). Then when I found out, I was completely heartbroken. So after that we didn't talk, then he came back telling me that it was over between him and her. He wanted to work on the marriage. Go to yesterday, he is in the hospital for pneumonia. He never called to tell me that he was in there after I was blowing up his phone for days. He told me that is not working for him and that he love me but not like he loves her. So all this time I was the mistress and he went home to her. Some men(esp my DH ) are greedy. They will say anything to get the panties, and we women are dumb to believe their lies.

Answer 4

1st try not aguing let alone keep the fight going allmost sounds like u are trying to drive him away at this piont
2nd still dont trust him try to hire a p i he will find out if he is faithful or not
3rd as far as the porn goes why dont u try to watch with him may end up trying new thing as this may be what he is looking for
4th we dont allways remain cheaters i got caught the first time 15 years ago ! and i have been faithful ever since then

Answer 5

Let him watch the porn and don't worry about it, Are you putting out enought, if not be happy the porn isn't another girlfriend. You can't monitor him 24/7, you can't be with him 24/7, and he has to have his own space too. You have to trust him if you can't it's over. He has to earn your trust by not lieing and not getting cought in compromising situations.

Answer 6

lady, i am sorry to tell you this.. but that marrieage went down the drain along time ago..now you are the one who has to make a decision about your future...with him or with out him..there is no way a person should (or has to) go through the mental and verbal neglect and abuse..

Answer 7

Girl:
You ok?Leave the bastard alone,u deserve better,he is unhealthy and a pig.
A pig will always be a pig!
Be a woman !

Answer 8

WHAT DID HE HAD TO OFFER YOU? NOTHING GOOD ,BUT MISERABLE ALL THE TIME. PLEASE THINK FOR YOURSELF":DO YOU DESERVED TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM?"

Answer 9

since your wife added a detail, the truth is out!! WTF get a life

Answer 10

are you for real????