Is It A Phase?

Question

I'm 18 and Ive been in love with a woman for 4 years and I would die for her and give her the world an still have fantasies of marrying her, but I also find myself attracted to men, which I have been for years. On a whole, I find myself much more attracted to males than females and a lot of times when masturbating, it takes SO much to get off to women, (sometimes even her) whereas almost instantly when thinking of a man and just being with one and the quirks then feel guilty. While the answer might seem easy based on that, I'm still heavily in love with this girl and crazy about her... she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen and would love to spend the rest of my life with her. She knows about this and while I'll never be with her (engaged) it's the feelings that I have for her, a woman, which make me question my male feelings.

So this can make for some confusion. Based on all this, because of my love for her, can my gay feelings be a phase that can ever go away? Or am I passed the "it's just a phase" stage? I mean, I can recognize the beauty of women and even have a few small crushes on some celebrities and try to make myself fantasize about sex with them, though I guess I feel more at home when I think about it with a guy. But maybe it's just a phase that can one day go away? Your help is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

If it is a "phase," it sounds like a pretty long one :) You might be bisexual to one degree or another (being bisexual doesn't always mean being equally attracted to men and women--some people are more attracted to one gender than the other). Some people, as they mature, settle down more into being hetero or lesbian/gay, but many people still identify themselves as bi later in life. So it just depends on the individual. Don't sweat it--it's normal to have feelings for both men and women, so you don't need to question your feelings for either gender. If you relax and don't worry too much about it, you'll probably find it works itself out over time. If you're engaged and you love the guy, you can have a happy and full life together. Love is love, with either gender. Good luck!

Answer 2

yah your right.. it might just be a phase where you are also attracted with men.. im female.. and i once had an attraction with a girl.. up to now? but not really.. i look up to her as a close friend now.. though she still seems to be expecting better that friends relationship but now? i have my boy friend. and i love him very much.. so as for me i would suggest that you better go for the one you love. the appeal with the same sex would go away.. not in a click but though it takes time you will see.. go for the girl!! not because im a woman. but because you see.. you love her. and thats enough for a good and lasting relationship.

Answer 3

dunno, but I remember when I was in college, about 21 or so, I was so confused because I loved men's bodies but womens minds. I could take to a woman all day and, well, be with a guy, all night... In time I found that it was my lack of knowing myself and men in general that kept me from being able to connect emotioinally. it was also the lack of integrity itself... blah blah... anyway, give yourself time. You're young. meet some folks, make friends/ build community and explore. DON'T do anything to get yourself locked in to anything!!!

Answer 4

Well, have u tried not to label yet? I just spoke about this. Ur 18. It shouldnt be "Am i gay or bi?", it should be "i am having fun and dont need to worry about that now". Go with the flow. If u like her, great, see where ur heart and mind takes u.

Answer 5

Love is love! Stop trying to categorize yourself and just enjoy it! I consider myself an equal opportunity lover!

Answer 6

NO DUDE ITS THE REAL DEAL