about 8 years ago, i had a friend with benifets while i had a gf (this gf is now my wife) i really liked that girl but i couldnt dump my gf cause our parents knew each other and i was afraid of what they would say, so i had to leave my friend with benifets and i just ignored her it ws really hard!! a few weeks ago my friend and i got into contact and i decided to go to holiday over at his house with my wife, when we landed at the airport he was waiting for us and he took us to his home, his wife was my friend with benifets and as soon as she realised who i was she just looked down, she avoided me for the 2 weeks i was there and never once spoke to me unless nesary, i still have feelings for her and i dont know what to do, i heard her having sex with my friend (her husband) and i just got angry and i wanted to hit him!! and she also just found out that she's pregnant!! my wife knows nothing about my feelings for her!! should i tell her that i love her??
2007-03-10 20:28:00 · 6 answers · asked by zayed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You made your bed, you have to lay in it.
What were you thinking of, marrying just to please your parents?
It is over, end of story. She is pregnant to her husband, you just butt out and leave well enough alone.
Already you have damaged her life, and your wife's life. You married a woman you really didn't love, and were already cheating on her when you were dating. You probably broke the other girl's heart, leaving her to marry your wife. How much more damage can you bring to these people?
Man up, for goodness sake.
2007-03-10 20:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by Gillian 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This other woman you mean? Why would you? I understand you want to get this out - and you likely were deeply effected by her - and loved her. It is understandable to have feelings. But it should stop there.
First of all who will this benefit if you tell her? I don't think it would benefit anyone at all.... not even you. Your need to tell her and how it is killing you now will likely be replaced with guilt for ruining your friendship and your wife. And honestly, in this situation, I think it is likely they would find out. And what about her, she actually seems content in her marriage, and she is making a family with this new man.
I know personally, I had a hard time with this - my husband now, I origanally only dated him because as a rebound, and when I dated him origanally I had no feelings for him. I ended up getting pregnant - and I married him. My ex whom I rebounded off of, he has come in and out of my life. Last December my ex and I grew very close - and I was tempted to have an affair. I even asked a couple of questions on here about it.
I decided against the affair and have distanced myself from my ex until a point where I can be "just friends" with no temptation - it was hard... but you know what - I can say even a few months later I am thrilled I did.
I love my husband, I would hate to hurt him.
Now, I know you aren't thinking of having an affair, but I have to say it is my experience that in entertaining these thoughts you only make the situation worse - and it builds and builds and builds and it is hard to go back. Think about this rationally though. You have been with your wife for 8 years, and while I am sure there have been some rocky times. You don't want to hurt her, which makes me think you still love her and care for her. Why not cultivate what you have here now? She is not this other woman - but this other woman you knew long ago - and likely she is not the woman that you knew then. She has a life now and you - if you do really love her as well - you should be able to be happy to see her happy.
I don't think you should tell her. I think this quite possibly could be the bravest thing you may ever do. Think about it at least and good luck :)
2007-03-10 20:58:24 · answer #2 · answered by Willalee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you cheated a long time ago with some girl who is now your friends' wife, yet your wife has no idea?! it's in the past. how do you know this other girl has feelings for you? if she doesn't, then you've left your wife for nothing. if you don't love your wife, then you aren't doing her any favors by sticking around. that other woman is married, and expecting a child. don't screw her life up as well. you do need to come clean with your wife, so she knows that you cheated on her years ago, but that it hasn't happened in a while. then you need to accept whatever the consequences are.
2007-03-10 20:41:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are the one who let her go in the first place, you MARRIED someone else. She moved on and who knows how hard that was for her. You need to leave her alone, HELLO she is married and not to you, even more they are going to start a family....I guess you should have thought about this before you dumped her......It's a little to late my dear
2007-03-10 20:38:04 · answer #4 · answered by Rosie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no no no no
2007-03-10 20:46:47 · answer #5 · answered by Mississippi's Jersey girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no.
2007-03-11 05:47:18 · answer #6 · answered by jasmine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋