I am 36 and we have been together 12 years. We have no kids together; however, I have a 16 yr old son that lives with us. We have a home together but when I talk about marriage, he doesn't give me a straight answer. I feel he will never marry me but it is something I really want. Am I wasting my time? PS He has not told me he has loved me for like 10 years. I don't say it because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I am pathetic, I know...
2007-03-10 19:03:05 · 13 answers · asked by Barbara S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
From the tone of this letter, and having known guys who think like that, I don't think it is likely that he will marry you. If he hasn't done so in 12 years, do you think he will change his tune in another 12 years? From his perspective, avoiding the question is better than telling you lies, or saying what he really thinks (which is 'no').. He is comfortable with the situation as it stands, even though you clearly are not. So things will keep going as they are, until something changes.
Not meaning to be rude here, but the quote by the top poster is dead accurate - "Why buy a cow when you can milk it for free."
2007-03-10 19:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by Michael T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most likely he is avoiding a straight answer because he would rather not tell you the truth which will break your heart or at a minimum hurt your feelings or even just ruin a good thing for him.
Do you really want a guy to marry you who hasn't told you he loves you in 10 years? He's comfortable in the relationship. He's been hittin' it for the last 12 years with the freedom to walk away anytime you or the relationship demands more than he wants to give. He doesn't even have to pretend that he loves you. What a sweet deal!
The bigger question, IMO, is who's name is the house in? Also, how financially dependent are you to him? It really is time to move on. Also, once again this is my opinion, shacking is not the example you want to set for your son.
It sounds as if you and your partner have basically been using each other for the last 12 years. The clock is ticking and now you want him to commit. He's getting everything he wants out of the relationship now, so as far as he is concerned, what's the point of making a commitment?
In short answer to your question, he's with you for the "free milk" that you've been giving him all these years. Although, I'm sure it hasn't been a totally one-way relationship.
2007-03-11 04:47:03 · answer #2 · answered by Leroy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him, it sounds like.
1. He has not said "I Love You" in 10 years.
2. He will not agree to marry you.
3. This is affecting your son. Even though he is a teen, this can still be awfully awkward.
4. You do not seem happy.
And I bet you're making at least 1/2 the income here, if not more.
You need to find someone who will make you happy! Even if that person is yourself. There is no way of knowing until you do.
2007-03-11 04:07:27 · answer #3 · answered by Esma 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is "comfortable", and thats enough for alot of people, not just guys.
Do you love HIM? or are you just comfortable.
If this is hurting you, which I imagine it is, its time to address it with him, before another 10 years go by.
You are NOT pathetic, and you should hear the words "I love you" without having to worry if you are making him uncomfortable. And you know what? It is TIME for him to feel uncomfortable, and you too............you need to feel uncomfortable in order to fix this, if you want a shot at the relationship you want and deserve.
2007-03-11 04:45:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would a man go out to buy milk from a store if he has a cow at home?you have given this man so much power over you that he does not respect you anymore.you do for him what a wife should do for a husband.why would he need a wife.kick the bum out and find a man to love and marry.
2007-03-11 04:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on. At this point if he did marry you would you really want that? He's w/ you because it's a habit at this point. People have all sorts of agenda's for staying in relationships but if it's not love it's not the right reason.
2007-03-11 04:06:35 · answer #6 · answered by uknowme 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You said it all in your last five words.
what words of wisdom can we give you know that you have lived so many years together.
as long as he is getting the milk ..why should he buy the cow?
you have zero bargainning power and little influence in a life
2007-03-11 04:12:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am afraid to tell you after 12 years, he would have known by now. This breaks my heart that you would wait this long and still question his motives. As for me, I couldn't have held on that long. Good luck. I do suggest you move on.
2007-03-11 04:16:50 · answer #8 · answered by someone 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why should he marry you when you've already made the commitment to him,? No need to make it legal when he can do with you what he pleases,including not meeting your emotional needs.
2007-03-11 04:08:37 · answer #9 · answered by Brainiac 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he owns the house, you cant take it away from him if your not married, otherwise the word use you comes to play!
2007-03-11 04:08:49 · answer #10 · answered by enviro 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋