Anyone have any advice on how not to get so enraged with my teenage children ?

Question

I have three: 14,13 and 11 (who may as well be a teenager)
It's so overwhelming sometimes how angry they get me. I need advice on how to calm down before I have a heartattack or kill someone !!! (not really gonna kill anyone but would sure love to do some damage sometimes!!!)
How can I learn to just let things roll off my back without them thinking they won or that they can take advantage of me?

Answer 1

Organise a monthly or bimonthly dinner at a restaurant with some of your friends and get it off your chest !!!Theres nothing like comparing amazing teenager stories to make you think thank god I have my kids and not hers...!!!
Get something happening for yourself ..a course or the gym ?? kickboxing ?? Something to release some endorphins.
My girlfriend and I would leave the kids with their Dads and go to a movie on cheap movie night .There is something nice about driving fast away from home some nights ...!!!!
Sometimes its good for kids to know that adults have an increased status within the family .This may not apply to your family but I have seen lots of parents give their kids the absolute best of everything and go without for themselves .. the kid may or may not appreciate what effort and money has gone into pleasing them and may expect ultimate treatment to continue ..this becomes the norm..they spit the dummy when they have to miss out or go without..
They will grow up and be nice people eventually and part of that is learning to respect others in other words YOU and your partner
I know they can be totally ruthless when they sense you are tired.. postpone decisions until you have a chance to think about them and if they hassle you ....say NO
I have a policy of thinking overnight about social arrangements .Its give and take with other members of the family and adults get the last word.
Research on Amazonian tribal family groups shows us that it is basically hard wired for adolescents in all cultures to exploit and exploit their caregivers . Its an inbuilt behavioural survival technique !! we cant blame them really !!
Don't forget you are the parent !!

Answer 2

As a father of 3 teenage daughters and one son who will soon be there, not to mention 2 girls and another son in the wings waiting to hit those years, I have discovered a small thing that appears to have escaped most of everyone who has answered this question. LOVE them. When you are are your very wits end, walk up to them and give them a hearfelt hug. Tell them how much you love them. A parent's love should be unconditional.Show that to them. It will not be easy as I can attest, but it helps immensely. It will change the atmosphere of the room and open some of the doors your children close. Then you can begin to discuss the problem and how to solve it. Remember, they aren't off the hook because you love them but it will help them to learn why you want them to be better. We always expect more from our own children than we do anyone else in the world and we get frustrated when they don't live up to the high standard that we place on them. My parents once told me something that helped me as a teenager to turn my attitude around. They told me that they knew that I was learning for the first time what it was like to be a teenager but, I needed to understand that they were learning for the first time what it was like to be a parent of a teenager. I hope my rambling helps a little but, I do know what you are going through and you can get through it. Remember, "this too, shall pass" when things are at their worst.

Answer 3

Set clear limits and learn to say NO. It's the hardest thing for moms to learn, but the best thing to do.
If only I had my time again with my daughter, now 19!!
She was absolutely horrible, and got away with it most of the time 'cos I was so stressed with her behaviour I found it easier at times to just give in and have some peace.
WRONG
Don't let things just roll of your back, don't ever give in. It starts a bad pattern and then it will only get worse, as they push the boundaries more and more.
It's your house, your rules. Make them stick to your acceptable limits or they miss out on things. Believe me, in the long run it definitely is the best solution.
When they wear you out and you feel like you've reached your limit, ask yourself WHY. How did it get to this point? What started it, and what could you have done different? Often it is us giving in, indulging them in an argument. Don't debate, just set the rules and that's that. Discussion ended. It will save your sanity and things will improve.
Good luck.

Answer 4

I'm still a teen, best advice is from teens. :D

Remember how your parents will say?

"Your kids are going to be 10x worse than you!"

I get that lecture a lot but the best way to do it is remember;

They're at that "stage" where they want to be rebels. Don't let them rebel too much, but give them their space. Don't let them win either.

How to calm down? When arguing, take in one deep breath, release it slowly, then repeat once more. And be assertive, if they sense that you're angered. (Trust me, we know what buttons to push to manipulate our parents.) They'll win if you let them know they're getting to you.

If you have rules like "No sugar after 8pm"; or "Curfew is 9pm". Enforce them strictly, show them who's the boss.

Also, unwind a little more, take a nice long hot bath while the kids are away. Use a vanilla and lavender bubble solution, and chill out. That'll be the best way to prep for the kids when they return and the war begins. :]

Answer 5

You'll do ok, teenagers have the wants of a young adult, but the morality of a child. Set rules now,, and enforce them,,, but make sure they are resonable and not harmfull to the most important thing to a teenager,, thier social development. Set the rules and don't bend. They'll get the message, and it will be usefull later on when one of them really tries to mess up.

Answer 6

Just remember that you were a teen once too, and remember how you felt during that time. This is where old diary's and journals and pictures come in handy. Put yourself in their shoes for a second. But just a second, then send those little low life money grubbing conceded brats to their rooms and lock the doors. I can't stand teenagers. I never realised how horrible they were till I hit about 27. I tell my mom how sorry I am all the time for how moody and rotten I was. Luckly, they can and will grow up. Hang in there!!!!

Answer 7

i have monsters too mine are 19g,17g,16b,15b,11b

just remember that you will be free in 4,5,7 years they will be 18 and all moved out

i know how you feel with the wanting to kill them i often tell my kids " i am going to slam the two of you together make 1 child and kill it " they think I'm so funny

i once asked my 15 y/o to get me the hammer he asked what i needed it for i told him i needed it to fix his head

i once told my 11 y/o that i was going to put him in a box and mail him to the marines

try and find something funny in all of it

i say these things in the heat of anger but the kids find them funny and it does not end up hurting there feelings

Answer 8

I have a technique....maybe it will help....

Remember Lamaze......it wasn't just for birth....They forgot to tell us we would be using till the end of time....lol

Really it does help....Breath your way through it.
I also put up baby pictures of the kids....smiles and what nots....funny....but its hard to raise your voice when you turn and see a giggle or smile...looking in your direction....

Know that they will grow out of this stage....they are just trying us all over again....like when they were 2....testing and trying to see how far they can take us....whether it be with our wallets, their grades or staying out longer than normal.
Laundry may seem like a mile for them to carry...however I have taught mine to wash and not depend on me ....if its something they are capable they need to know that they can feel free to help too.

I have also tried to listen more than I talk....while breathing inbetween...ha....so I don't faint, explode or laugh out loud.
At this age what may seem really small to us....is a really big deal to them...they are learning from how we react or respond..... that's where the Lamaze comes in again.......

I know my mother survived....so I have hope...:O)

Best wishes

Answer 9

you need to make time for yourself im sure with the kids are busy and you are as well runnibg them around. I would ask the 14 yr old to share their stash with you,then perhaps you can remain calm when things get rough. The kids are old enough but are they mature enough for you to leave them alone for awhile just for some Mom time..

Answer 10

i have teenage kids.....so im speaking from experience ...my favorite is this.....when they start or get in you face......i stand there...poker faced with my hands on my head and say sotto voiced.....you are beneath me..i have one nerve left and your getting on it...9 times out of 10 they laugh so hard the tension leaves the room before it starts....then im more in a calm frame of mind to deal with whatever got me mad....honestly.....its hard sometimes but making them laugh makes them see you as a human being not the parent from hell