What Should I do?I know he's stressed but so am I. So is stress a good enough reason?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over five years and we just had a baby together a month ago. We both have unconditional love for one another and even more now that we have a kid together. However the problem is I feel as though he and I are at different points in our life. He is 6years older than I. But I feel like I want more out of life than he does. I feel as though he is fine with where he is in life and he doesn't want to progress. We aren't poor but we're not well off. So therefore I think that he should at least strive for more since we need to secure a future for our son. And I feel as though he isn't working towards that or even trying.He use to be so headstrong and goal oriented. And now it's like he don't care. My problems aren't just financial. He had stopped smoking during my pregnacy and was doing well. the day the baby was born he started smoking again. I can't take it. Should I go my own way and let him catch up when he gets his priorities straight?

Answer 1

You are both dealing with a major life altering experience. You and he are dealing with it in your own ways. Band together right now. He may have started smoking again becuase the birth of a child is a huge thing and he wasn't sure how to do it right now so he fell to his crutch...smoking. Its ok to have a temporary setback, you are both brand new at being parents together. Don't stop talking, and saying how you feel, but you both have to be patient with each other -remember this is a huge thing you are now doing together. Give some growing space - but still let him know your expectations with the baby. In the grander scheme of things, it won't matter too much right now 2 yrs from now if he gets used to it. Encourage and ask for encouragement back in what you do, and never stop being each others best friend, he'll get his game back on. It takes time after a baby, but don't let him slack off either - be patient but persistent.

Answer 2

when you guys have been together for such a long time then why leave him now? especially after the baby! the baby will need his father around. and let me tell you that having a baby is not easy you mite know now that you have to do a lot and work on relationships more after the baby is born. ther will be more ups and downs now but don't give up or lose your hope...let you boyfriend take a little bit more time and just TRUST him that he will become more responsible. don't bug him about the extra work otherwise he'll run or be bothered. Make him goal oriented once again as in that your baby should be his inspiration or that he would/should work now for yours and the babies future together. Have you guys talked about marraige? Maybe hez not so serious about the priorities because you guys aren't married and maybe he doesn't feel the "pressure" of being responsible. Wutever it is Do your own thing as well but don't leave your boyfriend as he may already feel neglected because of the new baby. Secure your relationship with him now i know being a new mother is not easy. Congratulations on your baby and hopefully your situation will get better!

Answer 3

God i hate being a parent for people i dont even know...

Perhaps you should have thought about this before you had a son? Look Im not out to point out your faults and make fun of you i just pray that you take my advise. You must know that haveing a child out of wedlock is NEVER good and very irresponceable on your and his part. Not getting married will only make things worse... we are talking child support issues, jelousy and resentment when you two find other people to love, nothing good will come from splitting. From what you have written its sounds as though you two can live with eachother, you need to talk ALOT ALOT but splitting up is the worst possible thing you can do to your baby. Granted If the guy is like a drug addict and dangerous then you have no choice.... but if there is a possibility that this could work well then i suggest you take it. A child growing up in a divided home is more likely to grow up having mental health issues and drug or alcohol problems. Stay together as long you can for your childs sake, it is the best thing to do. Pray alot God is the only one who can really really tell you the answer.

Answer 4

Having a baby takes a toll on all parties involved. Even though you are the one who's body changed, etc....he's having to adjust to additional responsibility, this is a lifetime commitment for him, it's not like if things don't work out he can just leave, this is his kid (not to say many men in the past have not just picked up and walked out).

I'd just hang in there and work on bettering yourself for the future and the babies future. If after 6 months he has not started to show some improvement, then possibly I would re think things and then leave. At least he would have you as an example by showing him that you mean business in getting more out of life.

Just a note, most men do get comfortable in a relationship and then seemingly just give up on moving forward. My husband did the same thing and it took me moving on with my life (as if he was not there even though he was) for him to see I was serious and I was ready to leave him for being so lazy and complacent.

Sometimes it just takes time for all parties to re-adjust. Good luck.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend was headstrong and goal oriented before his life got thrown off course by you.

Women are dream killers by nature, so dont hate yourself too much for ruining all of his dreams.

You guys have a baby now, and his dreams are going to die furthermore, and yours probably will now as well.

But all is well, as long as you can be with a man that isn't poor but is not well off. If he makes enough money to put food on the table, a roof over your families head, and diapers and clothes on that baby, then you need to stop being greedy and think about making some more money on your own.

Answer 6

this is where most women mess up, now that you got the baby, you are his mom too, deciding what he needs to do and his attitude and everything else. keep your mouth shut and let it play out as it will, if you want to educate yourself and strive for a better life, then so be it, don't push him, he will push himself when the time comes. if you think he isn't thinking about that childs future, you are crazy, especially if it's a girl. he is adjusting to the idea of being a father. it can be a bit overwhelming, you carried the baby arouind for 9 months and it was real to you when the baby got there , you were already adjusted to the idea, he couldn't accept the baby until it was out and he could hold it, reality hit him. good luck...

Answer 7

Huh? No violence ... No unfaithfulness ... wanting to spend more time at home with the baby ...
I can see why you want to leave him.

Kids need stability, and parents that can stick together through the harder times can help.

If you leave home, take him with you ... give him a change of scenery or hobby to get him out more.

Don't treat your family as a McAffair - fast and disposable

Answer 8

Um, stress was a good enough reason to leave but now you HAVE A BABY, so maybe you should take that into consideration. Talk to your boyfriend about your worries.

Answer 9

You need to understand kids change everything.
If he need to understand what you want then you have to sit down with him and tell him, and make sure there the stick as well as the caret in place.

Answer 10

All human beings have different personalities and they cannot be judged by one standard. Show patience and see reason. Ur ambition may not much his.