Marriage Fears?

Question

I'm not afraid of commitment. My problem is an actual fear of betrayal.

I hear, quite often, about people being cheated on by their spouse, and it hurts me just to hear about it. Not to mention, people seem so lackadaisical about their vows of marriage, regularly considering cheating just for a "night of fun". It seems like so many marriages are ending, and infidelity is less frowned upon.

The thing is... Why should I even consider marriage when it's likely I'll be cheated on?

Answer 1

I know how you feel, and am currently a divorced father of two...yep, she cheated on me. But I still have not given up hope. As the old saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." What would you rather do, run the risk of getting hurt and share in the magic, joy, and love of marriage; or go with being lonely aside from the occasional "close friend with benefits" and never knowing what it is truly like to be with someone that truly knows you. Don't give into your fears, if you do, you won't ever live.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say it's likely that you'll be cheated on... There's lots you can do to prevent that from happening. First, choose your wife carefully!!! How a person acts before marriage is a good indicator of how they'll act afterwards, so if you're dating a cheater or liar, you'll be marrying a cheater or liar.
Talk seriously about your views on marriage with your future wife - all of it. The daily stuff, like who will do what around the house, the bills, cooking. The bigger stuff, like where to live, children, goals, dreams, religion/spirituality, morals. Make sure that she's just as committed as you are, that divorce is not an option for her. Talk about each of your expectations for marriage, what she needs from you, what you need from her. Agree to how you'll handle conflicts, at least as much as you can in advance. Once you're married, make your wife your priority, over your job, extended family, even children. As long as both partners are willing to put in the effort and time, the marriage will work.
More marriages are ending, and infidelity is definitely more accepted than ever... but it doesn't have to be that way for YOUR marriage.
I'm not sure where you are, but there's been a lot of talk lately about covenant marriages - it's a legal contract that makes divorce a lot harder to get. Not many states offer it yet, but a lot of churches do something similar (if you're a Christian). More info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Covenant_marriage
As for WHY you should get married...
Being married is wonderful, if it's done right. You come home every night to your best friend. You have the constant support and love. Someone to smile with when things are good, and a shoulder to cry on when they're not. It can be the most amazing, rewarding relationship you'll ever have, if you're willing to do the work. Why give up on the idea just because you MIGHT be betrayed? A life without risks isn't really living.

Answer 3

Not everyone cheats. I have been married for 11 years and have never considered cheating. The problem is many people jump into marriage too soon. You have to really know someone, have discussed your beliefs and wants and dreams and everything about what you want out of life and marriage. That takes time, not a few months, but at least a year or two. You should, however, lose the defeatist attitude before even seriously dating someone, much less considering marriage.

Answer 4

This is unfortunately cynical! I have been with my husband since we were in Grade 10 and we absolutly adore each other to the core!! We are still very in love and it's nearly a decade later, neither of us have ever felt the need to betray the other. I think if you find the right person, this situation will never come up! You are right though, a lot of people think it's alright to have a fling, because it's so 'ok' in movies and the media. It's not ok, and I hope you can find someone who will change your mind! However we 'lived in sin' for years before marriage, so if it's not up your ally, then just be happy with what you have without the marriage.

Answer 5

Please don't marry! Do you realise it costs 50 pounds/dollars to marry and several thousand to divorce? And if you're in England, you can't get a divorce for a whole year? Marriage is legalised prostitution, Engels said. That's what my boyfriend of years ago told me, and I thought he was just scared of commitment. It's a different thing whether you'll be cheated on or not, that can happen married or not. But if it does when you are married, it makes life very hard as you try and divorce. I would advise everyone not to marry!!
Maybe I'm just cynical as my own marriage was not like the Prince Charming story...but I think there is something very wrong with marriage. Do you want others to adjudicate your feelings, your property? To have possession of any children? to dictate what you must do?

Answer 6

You young people of today! I am so glad that I was not born in this generation you kids are so confused! You fear because you are not certain about what you want in a person look to the heart seek and you shall fine. Once you fine it you will have no fear I have been married for 26 years, and I new from the very moment that my future husband knocked on my front door that we would be together for the rest of our lives, and neither him nor I have ever broken our vows. Why because we had no fear!

Answer 7

Are you even on the road to marriage? If no, then why are you concerned? You don't need to worry about it until you fall in love with someone who you trust with your life. Marriage will probably feel like the right thing to do then. Or you can just have tons of meaningless relationships or shack up with someone and live like a married couple and go through the same stuff anyway.

Answer 8

Be up font and be honest with future spouse about affairs, and make sure they understand that your marriage will end , and you wont tolerate it !
Most women who hear that will not have an affair ,but remember the sword cuts both ways if you have an affair then you out too!
Also respect her, love her, understand her needs, and be there for her!

Most women say that as long as there is a form of healthy touching sex is neither her nor there.
Good Luck,

Answer 9

When you meet the right person, you will feel safe and you will trust her. Not everyone cheats. I have been married for a long time and there has never been even the thought of one of us cheating.

Answer 10

You've lost before you got into the game.
Change that thinking and keep a lookout for someone who shares the same attitude that trust is to be valued. You'll get there.