do you think women should bite their tongue and not say what they think?

Question

I've been going thru an adjustment period w/baby daddy. I have concerns and worries. I talk to him about it and he thinks I'm saying he is a bad person. When he makes me mad I will call him names. It isn't nice and I apologize to him but the damage is already done. Should I just not say anything to keep the peace?

Answer 1

H e l l no honey let it out , you will feel better after. but some words of advice don't cuzz him and call him names. that's just mean and nasty. i mean you don't want him cuzzing and calling you names do you. you can speak your peace in a better way tell him whats on your mind in a nicer tactful way . actually keeping all that pent up anger in you is not good for you.

Answer 2

Sounds to me like you are feeling like you want to keep peace but just have to get your thoughts in. You already know the name calling is not going to benefit him in anyway, how does it benefit you? Im not sure how old your baby is, but I do know post pardum depression can turn any nice woman into a different person. Heck, just having a child, is such a challenge and alot of work and worry. Perhaps, stand back and watch his actions and if he really is making an effort of doing his best. I would not character attack him. However, if he is a bum and not doing a thing to contribute, its not healthy to keep your thoughts to yourself. I would leave out the character attacks tho. Always keep in mind this is your first time at being mommy as it his for being daddy. That baby doesn't need to be brought up in such a tense situation. Find a calm way to negotiate with him. Find a way to come together for the best outcome for that baby. That baby deserves only the best from you and daddy. Good Luck.

Answer 3

If there are issues that need to be addressed, then they should be. Have the conversation, but keep this in mind:

1) Choose your words carefully. I’ve learned from experience that often getting what you want is really just a matter of asking for it the 'correct' way (non-threatening, non-blaming, etc).

2) Never speak out of anger. Wait until you calm down to discuss the issue/continue the discussion. Once you say hurtful worlds, no matter how much you regret them or apologize for saying them, you can’t actually take the words back. The damage is done.

Answer 4

We only hear one side of the story here. However it seems like you need to learn some restraint and stop freaking out and calling names. That's very destructive to a relationship. On the other hand staying dead silent, though at times a pretty good idea, isn't the answer. You both need to communicate. Only then the need for name calling will go away. Just don't become the "woman turned hell beast" in your relationship. Otherwise, it will fail.

Answer 5

Dangerous question. Communication is the heart of any relationship. So, communicate. But communicate doesn't mean throwing out words and not listening. Communication means putting together a string of words that convey a message about how you are feeling. Then you have to give him an opportunity to speak while you listen. Really listen. Listen to him as you want him to listen to you. Discuss this between the two of you. And if you both still have trouble communicating, then seek professional help...go to counseling. If you plan on staying married, you might as well have fun and enjoy the experience. That means, you have to work at it. So communicate.

Answer 6

Don't bite your tongue, but choose your words carefully. Words we say in anger that we don't really mean can never be taken back... and often the other person takes them a lot more seriously than we intended them. Name calling is never a plus - makes you sound immature. Adults talk things through, children call each other names.

Answer 7

Tell him exactly what you want or need. No arguing is necessary. Every person has set expectations of the other. And when those expectations are not met discord ensues. You both need to discuss the issue and come up with a solution that is agreeable for both. If he is not willing to do that then you have another decision to make. Stay with him and allow it or move on.

Answer 8

I am going through the same thing. Controlling men can't stand any point you have to make about their lack of character or issues they have and bring on you -stop apologizing and realize why you feel the way you do. You have a right to tell him how you feel--this is your life too. You should not have to be submissive to "keep the peace".

Answer 9

A random act of violence ability there is something greater nerve-racking below. She would desire to get placed interior a psychological institute for 10 years. as quickly as I get inebriated i act like a dic'ok and fall some lot then bypass asleep i don't attack absolutely everyone, purely like usual healthful human beings do she's needless to say insane.

Answer 10

No, you should tell him what you feel needs to be said, but name calling never works. I know that some people feel that it's just words during an argument, but some guys (Like me) take those words to heart and get very hurt by them.
But it is important to communicate with him. If you feel like you want to call him names and mean it, then go for it, but don't think they will be forgotten.