help with adolescent daughter?

Question

my 10 year old stepdaughter is having a lot of school problems. her mom has abondened her since she was born...off and on. The mother is now in jail and my stepdaughter knows this...but its nothing new. Her dad has pretty much raised her and her 13 year old brother...no mother figure at all. the problem we are having is her school and her lying. she is failing awful at school and she will lie about ANYTHING! What can we do

Answer 1

what punishment have you tried? keep raising the punishments and explain that it's going to get worse because she keeps lying and if she tells the truth it wouldn't be so bad.

Answer 2

She's 10 years old & has been through disappointments of a lifetime. Hence she needs the love of a lifetime.

Love her as much as you can because she is now insecure and vulnerable. Lying maybe the beginning of negative activities kids turn to so as to feel secure. Sit with her and hold a positive discussion on your concerns but first asking her about her feelings and sorting them out. This is a family issue and by not bringing a third person in, you will assure her that her family is there to rely on and turn to intimes of need. Have quality family sessions prepared for weekends wih input from all involved.

Turn to counselling only when all this fails and she will understand you made an effort before turning her to strangers like her mother did.

Best of Luck!

Answer 3

punishing her may not be exactly the right choice. Let her know what she is doing wrong and try talking calmly about it with her. You can look for a counselor, it could really help her a lot. Someone who she can complain to and confied in. Also you can talk to her counselor about having some of the appointments be family so all of you go into gether and discuss how things are changing (or not changing)

It might also help to have her meet with a school couselor every once and a while who can help her stay organized in school. Make a meeting with her teacher and ask her to send you a list of the things they will be working on and what homework assignments she will have durring the week and check her home work every night and make sure its all done (dont worry so much about it being done right, start off with her having it done first) then make sure she puts it in her back pack so she has it ready for school. Give her a lot of support and tell her how good she is doing and be patient with her.

Once she starts doing better in school she will feel better about herself and how things in her life are going.
---also this way with getting a list of her assignments from her teacher and you checking over her homework she cant lie to you about if she has it done and if she has homework or not. -You can also exchange emails with the teacher and she can update you and let you know of any changes.
--each week you know she is doing good you can reward her with a gift or take her for a girls night out.

Answer 4

Obviously a broken home and poor parenting brought this out. The question is how to compensate for inferior parenting. The answer is simple remove from the girls life the mother - get her professional help, get her in to a religious private school and become a stable home life. All who are in family contact with this girl are part of the problem because they are not correcting it

Answer 5

You would all benefit from speaking to a family counselor or a psychologist. The kids have been exposed to a lot of stuff that most people only hear about on the news - they need somone who is experienced to help them through it. plus they can give you & your husband the tools you need to deal with the school problems effectively - so you don't run into a brick wall with a lot of ineffective screaming & yelling & punishments that don't work.

My best to you! Good luck.

Answer 6

Just give her lots of love and be there for her. Do not punish her for her bad grades, discipline. Take away priveledges at the most. This is a hard time in her life and you need to help her through it. Possibly consider hiring a tutor or speaking with a counselor.

Answer 7

There's a difference between the words punish and disipline.

Punish is harsh, nothing that you should do to your children. Your children need love, not punishment.

Disipline. How about for everytime she lies, you ground her for two days?

As for the school, it might be expensive, but get a tutor.
And a reward for the good grades.

"If you get a C or higher on everything on your next report card, we'll take you to _____."

Take her to a movie, Chuck E Cheeses, her favourite resturant, an arcade, or something else she'd like to do.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You need to sort of realize that she does have a mother figure in her life. YOU!!!

Even tho she has never been around her mother she is still effected by her mother not being around and what her mother has and is doing..

The first step the WHOLE family needs to do is start counsling. This is a family issue, not just her.

Answer 9

look into the scared straight programs. Stop by the local police dept. and find the nearest juvenile facility and have her go for a visit and explain this is the path you are on in life. I just hope she doesnt have all her mothers bad jeans.

Answer 10

low self confidence maybe. It may be a bit of a struggle but you have to support her. She may not want to talk to you about how she feels (which is very understandable) and maybe she could see a counselor or talk to someone that she trusts that can help her.
If you are understanding, she will one day realize that you are not a enemy but you care for her. Sometimes it just takes time and effort but it can be worth it. Good luck