Marriage a mistake?

Question

My hubby and I have been married for nearly two years. We've had lots of problems but today just destroyed me. We knew eachother for 6mths before we got married. And a month later found out we were pregnant. Now he is deployed and I'm a stay at home mom for our 1 yr/old. In the process of discussing our future I asked him what his life would be like in 5yrs if we'd never gotten married, thinking that would give me some idea what he wanted out of life. Instead I got this response..."Honestly I think our relationship was just a fling and we took it too far". I love this man with all my heart and always will. I thought he loved me now I don't know what to think. What now???

Answer 1

I don't know what other problems you have been having but he said something that was thoughtless and hurtful. Try not to hold it against him if you want your marriage to succeed.
You did not have to get married. You got pregnant after you were married. 6 months is not a lot of time to be dating before you marry but it is not a quickie marriage, either.
So consider that he is deployed (I assume you mean he's in the military and overseas, maybe even in a war zone) and perhaps stressed out a lot from being sent to fight, having a baby at home and wondering what kind of future you would have if something happened to him.
You could have, for example, just asked him what his goals are in life instead of asking the question the way you did. Ask him again but just ask what he wants out of life and how you can help him attain those goals. Maybe being in the military, he realizes he needs more education and he foresees problems when he tries to go to college and you need him to be at home instead of that.
If you love him with all your heart, tell him that what he said hurt you because you didn't think it was a fling and you can't imagine life without him. I'm pretty sure, under all the stress talking, he can't imagine life without his wife and baby now. He thinks he has to do a lot more and he might think you are simply going to complain when he's working and studying or trying to advance his career by volunteering for challenging jobs that might involve travel. If he doesn't plan to stay in the military, it might be that he thinks, 'Well, I could do this (but maybe not because she wouldn't want to leave where we are now) so I am limited in what I can try to do.'
Tell him that you will follow him, you will be a military wife. You are going to be his support system.
See if that makes a difference. If it does, I'd totally forget what he said.

Answer 2

Sorry but the guys a jerk. If he's under 25 hopefully he'll outgrow his thought process. If he's over 30 then you need to step back and take a good look because what you see is what you get and if you don't like the view now, you'd better change the scenery. Hang in there and give yourself a chance to really see that your love for him won't change the fact that he thinks "the fling went too far". Man that's just cold. Good luck sweetie. Think of how your baby will feel about you if you keep this guy around...How much respect and love do you think this guy and show your baby to feel and be able to show others in the future?

Answer 3

He's under a lot of stress due to his deployment, and so are you. It's not fair to ask him questions about the future now, as you can imagine leaving you and your baby is not easy for any man.
Talk to him before he leaves, tell him that you don't think it was a mistake getting married, that you can't accept that your relationship was just a fling because you love him and know he loves you as well.
He'll be back but in the mean time stay in contact as often as possible, tell him every day if you can how much you love him, send photos of the baby often so he can see your baby's growth as time goes by. If you're hurt now so is him for the chance of events.
Forget those words he told you and make every second you both share enjoyable. After all, marriage is not only for good times, it's also for bad times.

Answer 4

Please contact other military wives who are going through what you are at military.com. It will help you to get in touch with them and they can give you better advice than what you could get anywhere else.

Never try to discuss your future with a man about to be deployed and never suppose or imagine what your life would have been like if you'd never married him. You are married and your husband is worried and afraid that if something happens to him, you won't be there for him. It is what it is at this point. Talk to others who can give you sound, realistic advice on how to cope while your husband is gone. I have a feeling he still loves you, but right now he is property of the government and has to shut down his personal feelings. Don't add any more pressure and stress to how you both are feeling about his impending deployment.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Oh no he didn't!
No one should ever say that to their wife!
I don't think that is acceptable.
When did he realize that he was getting in over his head?
Oh my gosh! Did he love you?
After all you guys got married & all. Did he do it for the baby?
Or parents/family pressuring you 2?
Because if he doesn't have his priorities straight, you are on your own.
Tell him how you feel but just give him some time.
He is going through a lot too being deployed & everything.
People go crazy overseas from what I hear. It's probably just a phase...
If it's not, & that's how he really feels, then talk to your family or his, if you are close w/his family & try to find the best solution.
If not then, you'd better just go on with your life while you can. It's gonna be tough.
Good luck Hon.

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a similar situation. My now husband and I dated for about three to four months before finding out that I was pregnant. Things were very hard at first, but worked out great for us. It took about two years for us to "give in" to eachother and learn to work together. We almost divorced but decided to see a counselor. Our first is now 4 years and we now have a 12 month old daughter and are very happy! We could not be as happy as we are today without counseling and JESUS. We both learned that Marriage is a partnership and we both have to give 100% regardless of what we think the other party will give in return. The 700 club, which is a Christan program that comes on ABC Family (TBN) at 10:00am, has a 24 hour prayer line that I would suggest for you to call. The number is 1-800-759-0700. You can also see there web site at http://www.cbn.com/700club/

I hope things work out OK for you, but don't forget that God is always with you!

Answer 7

People these days tend to get married for the wrong reasons. But, it not your fault or his. it's the society that we are now in. Family values has become a thing of the past and everything single is being promoted. So, we have no guidance in what to look for in Mr or Mrs. right so we use our god given tools which is feeling like if the sex is good. i want to keep feeling like this forever I know"Lets get married" and the moment you run into your first problem"I want a divorce".
I don't doubt that you love him. But, if you are contemplating leaving him you are not " in love with him" and you should go and move on but learn what you are looking for before doing it again and talk ALOT!

Answer 8

That is a man for you, you should have none better to marry someone just after 6 months of dating. Honey, most men are out to see how many women they can sleep with, they don't care about your feelings, you have a baby now and he don't won't to take the respondabliy of being a father. There are so many women who are tricked into a relationship that just isn't gonna work out. Wish I could help you. But good luck with your new baby.

Answer 9

You know your hubby may have not have loved u as much as you expected. But honestly only time can define real love. The spark may be gone but give him some time and if apart of him does love you he'll stick around and his love is guaranteed to grow. Hes still married with you for a reason. Something about you keeps him.

Answer 10

I was married for nearly seven years before my ex-wife and I came to the conclusion that we were better of as friends. We have a son, who is now four years old, together. We still remain friends and are probably just as happy (if not happier) than when we were and the end of our marriage. Just because we divorced doesn't mean we don't still care about each other.