A few years back, I met a lady with whom I fell in love. She and I were good friends, but she was married, there were "issues" between her and her husband, but no matter the situation I never told her how I felt because she was married, but it hurt to hold how I felt in. I would never make a move like that towards a married woman. But I have never forgottenm her, and how much she meant to me, and still does. Now, 3 years later, I have found her again and we have spoken a bit. Just as old friends catching up, but I keep thinking about what might have been.
I had a dream last night, its kind of wierd, but I was on a road trip, and she was with me, and at some point, I left here behind, I didnt know where, but all I could do was panic, thinking of how I would find her again. Does this mean that, in my mind, I am ready to leave her behind, or should I remain silent about my feelings? I would love to stay friends, but I'll never know what might have been, and it tears my apart inside.
2007-03-10 15:35:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
She is still married, she still has problems with her husband, but they seem to work it out, I would never be one to break up a family because of my feelings, but this woman means the world to me. I am wondering, is it wrong to feel like this, I know its wrong to want what another man has, but he could never love her the way I have, but she has never know that i feel this way, or, if she did, she never told me. It scares me tio think i may lose her again.
On top of this, I have since gotten married, and i have a son, I know she and i could never be together now, i love my wife and would never leave her, but I cant help but think about this woman, she visits my dreams at night and stays in my mind, Am i wrong for this?
2007-03-10 15:45:03 · update #1
Of all the words of tongue & pen,......the worst of them is....What might have been?______Unrequited love is bad enough, but when there are strong social sanctions against the consumation of the dream, (such as marriage), then you have an ethically impossible situation. You have to give her up. There's no doubt about that. The question is, "Will you get over it?". From personal experience, the answer is no. When I think about my married dream fixation, I still get "warm & fuzzies", & she died of Lupus 10 years ago. The prednisone that she took for her disease made her fat & many people, including her husband called her ugly. She was always beautiful to me. Let me tell you what I learned. You can't move on this situation, but you do have to move on with your life. Give her a place in your heart & never worry about that. But, go on - live. And know that you will find HER. The time and everything else will be right and you will have a lot of love to give her. Farewell, My Friend
2007-03-10 16:03:39 · answer #1 · answered by Rudy R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say it's wrong, per se. Only rather self-defeating.
If this woman is still married, and you are still not willing to compromise on your morals (good for you!), there isn't much you can do.
The best thing you can do for now is just try to distract yourself. I know it probably won't be easy, but I think you will lose so much in life pining away for this woman.
Hopefully, someday, either this woman will become free (if she has husband problems, it sounds like you have a chance) or you'll find another woman who makes you feel this way.
Good luck!
2007-03-10 23:44:42 · answer #2 · answered by alc051001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello forgottenlove, I believe you should move on. The issue here is not just your feelings for her. Consider also if she has feelings for you. Telling your feelings to a married woman may not help a lot, if at all it can improve things. Remember that her first priority now is to improve her marriage (is her marriage really that bad?). As for your dream, yes, it mirrorred your feelings and your desire to go all the way with her. But it's just that.
With regards to your additional details, I will still give the same advice. I sympathise with you, but you cannot let these feelings take over you.
2007-03-10 23:44:26 · answer #3 · answered by Dowland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the dream meant that you were afraid you found her again and can't bear to lose her for the second time. Life is short, there shouldn't be any final regrets, about what may have been. If you feel that way about her, she should know, and you should get it out in the open. You both need to be in touch with your feelings, good luck, I certainly hope the feelings are mutual.
2007-03-11 00:17:22 · answer #4 · answered by lilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wondering is not wrong; in fact, it is perfectly natural.
I think you ought to stay friends with her, though, and not try to start something new.
The first time, she was married yet she acted thus to allow room for you to fall in love.
It seems as though, had you tried anything, she would have followed in your steps.
"Issues" in a marriage may be nothing more than her tendencies to have wandering thoughts.
If that is so, she may be an infidel.
Now, why would you want to have a progressing relationship with someone who may very well cheat on you during a marriage?
2007-03-10 23:47:32 · answer #5 · answered by megahot megababe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's a really tough situation! I'm not an expert AT ALL, but for my English class last semester we had to write a journal on this quote, "In all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'it might have been'." I don't remember who wrote that quote, but I just thought it was cool how your question ties in with that.
2007-03-10 23:43:26 · answer #6 · answered by ~Lollie~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you shouldn't dwell on what might have been, but if you have found her again you should tell her you have these feelings and just let her know that you love being friends with her and you would never want that to change but if she ever wants it to be more than friendship you would be more than happy to ablige her. Tell her that anyone would be lucky to have her in thier life and how beatiful she is to you. Women love that stuff. If she just wants to be friends than you will have said your peace and will not have to dwell anymore.
2007-03-10 23:45:00 · answer #7 · answered by Bubbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres this dude, i had a crush on him before i got to know him, then i met him and got to know him and now were friends.. not good friends.. but enough that he smiles and waves.. and he's really, shy and like.. hides behind his hair when he's around ppl he doesn't know.. never speaks and stuff.. so yeah.. so we became friends and i got over it.. i mean.. i dont want to like him at all! he's a kewl person and i think he'll be a good friend after a while... but i still have moments where i'll be half asleep and imagine what it would feel like to be in his arms with my cheek against his chest falling asleep instead of sitting in my chair...
and then i'll snap out of it and freak out because i dont like him like that anymore... and its just strange...
2007-03-10 23:47:56 · answer #8 · answered by janna w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to wonder about what might have been as long as you don't obsess on it or act on it in your situation. You're smart enough to realize that you have to move on from this woman and even smarter not to get involved in her marriage or mess up your own. I do think you're ready to move on and part of you already has. Cheers.
2007-03-10 23:51:54 · answer #9 · answered by Just Me Alone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell her how you feel and leave it at that you can still remain freinds im sure she would be flattered i know i would, there is a guy who has been in love with me for many, many years i do not feel the samr towards hima nd never will i am married but we still reamain freinds and it makes me feel good that he thinks so much of me but i did make it very clear that i would never have anything more than a freindship with him, i would tell her!!!
2007-03-10 23:40:57 · answer #10 · answered by tristy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋