I am stuck in an abusive marriage. I married a non-believer. I know that I shouldnt have, but God should get over that because I cant control the past. Of course I want a divorce, but this time instead of doing it my way, I'm going to try to do it God's way. I know he 'hates divorce'. But why would he want to punish me eternally with the weight of being abused in front of my kids for the rest of my life, instead of just waiting until I get to hell? I feel like Im in a lose/lose situation. If I leave, I did the wrong thing again, and He'll probly punish me with being alone since u cant remarry. If I stay, I'll never be happy and have to be around all my loved ones and friends who have Good husbands who treat them good and feel the hurt, and also continue to be shamed and abused.
I dont understand why God is still punishing me for things I cant help when I already get the point. Anyboby know anything?
2007-03-10 15:27:41 · 21 answers · asked by NICE LADY 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, god never said you couldn't send your husband to prison.
2007-03-10 15:33:06 · answer #1 · answered by Karla Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve a husband who will 'Love, honor and Cherish' you. Same as God does. God does not expect you to take abuse.
Sure you made a mistake marrying this man, but God is waiting to give you another chance. Think of this a a God-given oppurtunity to start life afresh.
Your children should not be raised in a violent home. You will not be doing anything wrong if you divorce this abusive man. Next time around, allow God a say in who you marry.
And sweetie, stop blaming God for everything that's gone wrong in your life.
You deserve all the love and happiness that God has in store for you. Keep smiling. There always is a rainbow after the rain.
2007-03-10 22:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by pj_12_75 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop blaming God. He forgives you. You punish you. You have choices. You also can find a terrific guy who is a believer and may want to love you and marry you. Life's not over just because this guy is a jerk. So if your tired of the abuse take all the money and everything else you need and get a good lawyer. As for Hell it sounds like your already there so don't worry about that. Train your mind on a win win situation. Stop knocking yourself down and please believe God is much kinder and gentler than what you are thinking of right now.
2007-03-10 15:50:41 · answer #3 · answered by ascendent2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm also a Christian, but forgive me if I don't preach at you. It's late and I have to be up a 3am. Let me just advice you to do a Bible search on divorce. You won't burn in hell, but, I really don't think you believe this either. You just don't want to anger God. Smart woman! So, now, my advice! Try to put this "nice lady" attitude ( I just remembered your name on here, lol) on hold for awhile. It's time to make your husband change! The abuse stops now! I mean it, you will not accept this attitude any longer. You get your cute little buns on the offensive! Threaten divorce, and be creative with your description of what will happen if he doesn't change! Alimony, constantly being dragged into a court situation where he has to pay for it all, child support, custody hearings, etc... Everyone else has written this relationship off, not me! Not you either! Lets do this together! IM me all you want, e-mail me all you want, I won't give up on this relationship all the way to the final signing of the divorce papers. And if it goes that far, I will make it my priority to get you the best advice so you get the best results! Christians stick together! Make sure you don't just rely on me for advice, ask this site quite often, there are quite a few wise people here. Dang, I wasn't supposed to write a sermon, sorry!
2007-03-11 15:42:18 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God will not punish you for divorcing someone who is abusive toward you. God also will not punish you for eternity. The God I believe in is not a punishing God. I think the thing you are forgetting is you made the decisions to get you where you are today... not God. You have punished yourself for the path you have chosen. I don't know the religion you have chosen but why couldn't you re-marry? I understand you are having a hard time- but you need to be accountable for your decisions. I think you should pray and ask God to help bless you with strength. Maybe you need to investigate another church. Or maybe talk to your bishop or paster. Most religions offer counseling that help with situations like this. I know my church offers council for both the husband and wife and sometimes the abuser can get help.
2007-03-10 15:51:55 · answer #5 · answered by Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God is not punishing you. You made the decision to marry an unbeliever. Things did not turn out well so now you claim you want to do the right thing by not getting a divorce. But you want God to come down in a chariot of fire and make everything right in one fell swoop. Sorry, it does not work that way.
We have free will and God will never interfere with our free will. However, free will comes with consequences and whereas God has forgiven you for marrying outside his will he cannot remove the consequences of your actions. That is the bottom line.
If you are being abused see a Christian counselor and get help. Get yourself and your children out of there. This is not the time to be a matyr, especially with Children involved.
2007-03-10 15:43:55 · answer #6 · answered by Tip Top 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God doesn't expect you to stay in an abusive marriage. God will not punish you for leaving someone who abuses you. Take care of yourself and get out of there. You need to talk to someone who can help you, maybe a lawyer first to see where you stand and what your options are and a counselor would be really good for you to do for yourself. It's great to have a neutral party to talk to in confidance about things. If you are afraid to leave, enlist the help of family and friends to be with you. God loves you just the way you are. Talk to Him, He understands. Good luck and God Bless You!
2007-03-10 15:44:33 · answer #7 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I'd like to know is why you put Christians in quotes. Maybe it's nothing but that's the first thing I noticed.
Anyway, you're right. God hates divorce. But God also blessed us with common sense and I'm sure he'd want you to use it in this situation. Your husband is hitting you. Not only is he physically and emotionally hurting you, he is psychologically damaging your children. If you have sons, your sons will more than likely grow up to hit women. If you have daughters, they will likely date/marry men that are abusive.
Look, God is not out to punish you for a mistake you made. The funny thing is, God doesn't really punish anyone right then and there and on the spot. When he created the world, he created consequences to every action. Throw a ball into the air, it comes back down. Get a job and work, you get a paycheck and so forth. Stay with someone who hits you, he will continue to hit you. So God isn't punishing you. He simply gives us choices with consequences, whether they be good or bad. The fact that your husband is a non-believe has little to do with the fact that he hits you. I've counseled some devout Christians who hit their wives on regular basis, and on the flipside I've counseled Atheists and Agnostics who seemingly treat their wives very well. God didn't decide to say "Okay this woman married a non-believer. I think I'll turn him into an abuser to teach her a lesson."
One thing you DEFINITELY need to stay away from is assuming what God will "probably" do. You don't know that he will punish you by being alone. Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds to me like you're setting yourself up to have a scape goat for your unhappiness and that scape goat is God. DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF BLAMING GOD FOR YOUR SHORTCOMINGS. It will get you NOwhere. Trust me, I've been there. So you made a mistake and married an abuser. Guess what, it happens every day. And I guarantee there is a situation out there that is much worse than yours. I'm not saying "Be happy he doesn't abuse you AND the children." Your situation is bad, there's no getting around that. What I AM saying is that you have a choice. Either stay with your husband and continued to get battered, or leave. It's that simple.
One thing I'm also noticing is that you are using God. Now stay with me here becaue you probably don't know you're doing it. I know you've got to be scared as hell thinking about trying to leave your husband. But you haven't said that. You've told us that you're staying with him because "God hates divorce." On the flip side, you think God is punishing you for marrying a non-believer. So God is either damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. What's more is that you're setting yourself up to blame God for everything later on. "I stayed with him because he hates divorce!" Then if you leave him. "God punished me because I left my husband!" See? Either way, God is responsible for your strife. Don't blame God for your situation. If you're scared to leave your husband, just say you're scared to leave your husband. Who WOULDN'T be?
Something else you should know is that if you feel your life is in danger, you can get an anulment. Plain and simple. God can't condemn a divorce if the marriage never happened. Now obviously you were married to him and God knows that but he also knows any man who consistently abuses his wife and doesn't try to stop or get help probably doesn't truly love her...which means there really wasn't a marriage in the first place...no matter what that piece of paper called a marriage license says.
YOU are responsible for your life, NOT God. God gives you choices that have consequences (both good and bad) depending on the path you choose. Deep down inside you know leaving your husband is the right thing to do and you KNOW God wouldn't punish you for having done so. You also know that God isn't going to punish you by not giving you another husband because you left a physically abusive husband. You're responsible (NOT for your husband hitting you...he'll pay his penance soon enough) and you know it. Just don't use God as a crutch or a scape goat because you're afraid to shoulder the responsibility if you don't leave, or don't find a new mate.
I hope this answer helps you. If I sounded too harsh, I apologize. It's just that my wife was once in your situation and continued to blame God for her misfortunes. Her life was miserable until she realized her fate was in her hands and she alone was in control of that. I hope you can find what she found...Good luck, and I will definitely pray for you.
2007-03-10 17:00:51 · answer #8 · answered by Eddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, you need to know that God has His reasons for most everything we don't understand, and he gives you signs of what to do if you actually pay attention. You need to put all your troubles into God's hands and leave them there without trying to handle them yourself. He's always willing to resolve whatever problems you have, and you deserve to be happy. The non-believer will always keep you in an unhappy life if you don't stand your ground and give your life to God for guidance. This is being said from someone who's gone through your specific situation for more years than you probably would believe before paying attention to the way out. So, prayers are your main source for peace of mind believe me.
2007-03-10 15:49:34 · answer #9 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Separation for safety's sake is not wrong. God does hate divorce, but it is not unpardonable. Are you seeking the advice of your pastor? Do you have people praying for you and your husband? Your husband's abusive behavior is not God's punishment; it is a trial to pass through. I am not trying to minimize it, but to offer a slightly different perspective on it. Can God change this situation? Your husband? Can you find relief from the abuse? You may say no, but when you think about it, that is not true. Please seek help. I will pray for you.
2007-03-10 15:38:51 · answer #10 · answered by Bob T 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
God is not punishing you-your husband is abusing you, you have every right and reason to be free of that, and if your pastor won't support that, you are listening to the wrong pastor. Abuse escalates over time and your life could be in danger, so you must protect yourself.
God is love, and He forgives sins, puts them "as far as the east is from the west" away from us; He "keeps no record of wrongs"....if we confess our sins, He WILL forgive them. He has GOOD plans for you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Be strong and take heart, and trust in the Lord...
May God bless, comfort, and protect you...
cryllie
2007-03-10 15:55:10 · answer #11 · answered by cryllie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋