I have asked my husband to come home in the past..but he always said..you come here I have school and work. Yet, I felt like this is his home...and I've had to take care of the household while he is away and able to go to school like a college kid and work 16 hour shifts without interruption. I felt he should want to come home cut the grass, do the necessary maintenacne etc. But..that's never been the case. He rooms w/3 other guys in California btw. They share all expenses. He thinks the other guys are having successful long distance marriages so why shouldn't we?? Anyway...we are disconnected. And, he's not meeting me halfway at all. When we differ on opinions he has actually not spoken to me for several days in a row. I was in counseling trying to get some direction w/this marriage. He hasn't gone or even offered. He is a selfish person and I see it more and more each day. He will be coming home the 1st week in April. Thats only b/c it's spring break. Thanks for your sympathy 4 mom.
2007-03-10 15:14:42 · 18 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am 34 and he is 33. We have no kids. HE thinks after graduation in 1 1/2 years we can start a family! Ha! Then he wants to still work in calif. and fly home every other week...looks like I'd be a single parent to me.
2007-03-10 15:24:04 · update #1
he's not interested in counseling, he doesn't want to come home and there are times when he hasn't spoken to you in days. so basically you are separated. might as well take that final step and get the divorce. i believe that is what you both want at this point. i wish you the best of luck in whichever direction you decide to go.
2007-03-10 15:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by simplyme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I feel for you. As for advice there's nothing we can say that hasn't been said or thought of on both sides of this road. Long distant relationships are hard and marriages are hard enough when your together let alone miles apart. He does sound like he is a little selfish but you must have seen this when he decided to go to school and leave you at home. Big sign right there. But he is going to make your lives better when he is done. I'm sure he will make it all up to you. Try to keep the faith April is not far off. Hang in there.
2007-03-10 23:24:41 · answer #2 · answered by ascendent2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Selfishness and self-centeredness can destroy marriages and plenty of YA members could attest to that. He needs to show that you rank higher than it seems you do now, but you already knew that.
My wife was being consumed by her promotion at work. She works long hours and could not get the job off her mind at night. Finally, some reassurance from her boss got her to relax a bit and we did a bit of reconnecting. I guess the underlying theme there is insecurity, more so than selfishness, but selfishness is an underlying theme here too.
The problem is that neither you nor I have enough credibility in the eyes of our spouses to say the right thing, short of being confrontational.
Are other options available for his schooling or your residence?
Even athletes, performers and sales people who travel a lot get home on a regular basis. He needs to as well. I will pray for this situation to get settled for the sake of re-energizing your marriage.
2007-03-10 23:26:15 · answer #3 · answered by Bob T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would give him an opportunity to get his but home and be with his family and be the man he should be and if he decides not to do that then hon I hate to tell you this but he is really enjoying his life w/o any responsibility, so he is not worth you wasting your time on. Life is short and you and your family deserves more from him than this bunch of bullsh**!! Good Luck!
2007-03-10 23:23:00 · answer #4 · answered by halfpint22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does not sound like he wants a Wife at all. He just wants you when he wants you. I am sorry to say this but I think the Marriage is over. He likes his Lifestyle wayyy too much.
2007-03-10 23:26:49 · answer #5 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It means he regrets being married now that he finds his fun in college --- kind of a delayed action. You are now a drag and you make things worse by adding demands.
He is seeing the better life and doesn't think you can. The mismatch will grow bigger and bigger. Sorry to tell you that.
2007-03-10 23:40:55 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand this unless you're both about 20 years old. If you are, then this makes sense. You're too young to be married and this is why every adult you met said so.
If you're older adults, why is he off at college when he has a wife and a home??
None of this, at all, makes sense.
2007-03-10 23:19:16 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like a marriage- it sounds like 2 people who once dated kind of keep in touch.
2007-03-10 23:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband doesn't want the traditional family life. Simple as that. You guys made the arrangment...deal with it the best you can.
2007-03-10 23:19:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hon its time u kicked him out and went on with ur life i wouldnt expect any help from a guy that's reliving his youth tell him its time he became the husband he should be or hit the road ur better off without him
2007-03-10 23:19:43 · answer #10 · answered by Robert C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋