I live in a home
where I can always roam
wherever I want to go
to the ocean that flows
I hear the waves crashing against the sand
thinking about leaving to a better land
what else is out there?
why is life not fair?
I am always looking for something more
wondering what is at the next door
life is to short to worry this much
all that I want is a kind and gentle touch
Here I am living in this life
going through so much strife
How much more stress can I take?
How long can I live this life that is fake?
2007-03-10 15:10:33 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
That's beautiful and I can relate to your words.....
2007-03-10 15:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Hi, well I liked your poem and I will be honest with you. I lived like that for a very long time (fake life) I pretended to be happy when I wasn't and just stayed in a situation that really wasn't meant for me. It really wore me out to the bone I removed myself from that situation and the
hardest part about doing it was change I was so scared that I just couldn't do it but I did. I haven't smile and laugh so much before in my life and this just started this year and I'll tell ya at first my face hurt from laughing because I haven't used those mussels in my face for years lol! Anyhow you are so right when you say that life is too short to live like that we need to be happy in this gift of life that we all have.
Well take care and good luck.
2007-03-10 15:22:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
On a scale of 1-10 you are at about 2 3/4's. Sounds like you need some help with something. Look up and pray.
2007-03-10 15:15:13 · answer #3 · answered by is4031_us 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The idea through out the poem is inconsistant and there is no progression from one idea to another. There are alot of cliches, try to find other phrases or words. Perhaps a good start, but it needs some editing.
2007-03-10 15:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by Heather 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A bit less rhyming will do the trick,
as you see it made some weirdos sick,
but it's good for me, practice more,
more depth needed on the sand and shore.
I can understand your poem well,
it speaks of discontentment as you tell,
Live each day, don't let one just pass,
find what you want and on the way, kick a**!
;)
2007-03-10 16:27:53 · answer #5 · answered by <Xariel the Stray> 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds okay, but sad. And why do you say "Live this life that is Fake" at the end. Not really in the context of the poem.
2007-03-10 15:20:56 · answer #6 · answered by mrlong78 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Going with my first tort
One line was too long
One line was to short
Didn't feel like a song.
The poem that you wrought
Really moves around alot
You must keep to one thought.
First letters are like first impressions, they carry their own meaning.
2007-03-10 15:28:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what the other people say...I like it. I love poetry and this is well constructed. The only thing I would change would be in the line "life is to short to worry this much" would be the "to" I'd change it to "too".
2007-03-10 15:16:15 · answer #8 · answered by Gerbes Slave 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
LOVE IT!
but i think you should change why is life not fair? to Life is unfair! i think it should kida sound better.
♥Roberta♫
hey did you leave ur son play football?
2007-03-11 01:40:28 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Roberta. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its really good! it could be a little more thought ful in like the first four lines. that just my opinion, and it constructive criticism not being mean, trying to help. u should be a poet, it gets really good near the end with the vocab and rhyming, wonderful job!!!
2007-03-10 15:14:30 · answer #10 · answered by nina del barrio fino 516~Fo Sho~ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, I don't like it. I don't think the outside is that stressing The outside is actually very fun, enjoyable, and exciting.
2007-03-10 15:14:04 · answer #11 · answered by bc87 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋