Do you consider this a betrayal of marriage?

Question

My husband in the past 3 weeks has been chatting frequently via text, email, IM and lots of calls with a single female co-worker. The first time anything unusual occurred about 3 weeks ago over supper...he apologized for bringing up her name all the time. Until that time I really didn't notice. Well then about 1 week ago I noticed him constantly texting her, doing IMs and he said it was about work. Then wheneve he talked about her his cheeks would get flushed & acted like he had a school boy crush. Then we got our Cell Bill and there are numerous days of them chatting on the phone for 99 min, 54 min, 30 min, etc. I advised him that this is really not making me feel good that he is married - she is single and that they are beginning to cross the line. He instantly defends her and doesn't get why I am upset. We are having troubles in our marriage and this doesn't help. He says they are just "Friends". Am I wrong for feeling betrayed?

Answer 1

Nope, you're not wrong at all. This is a dangerous path he's on... he may not be cheating physically, but he sure is emotionally. No female outside of his wife should get that much of his time and attention.
I feel that in a marriage, there is no reason for a man or woman to have close friends of the opposite sex (outside of those "couple" friends). It's a recipe for disaster - especially if the friend is single. There's just too much underlying sexual tension in a male/female relationship.
What does he say they're talking about? What possible reason could he have for talking to her for those lengths of time outside of work?
He needs to cut this relationship off now, before it becomes more than it already is. Consider counseling - with a conservative (possibly Christian) counselor, not one that's going to tell you to stop trying to control him, but one that's going to help him see that what he's doing is NOT benefiting your marriage, but hurting it.

Answer 2

That is how my husband started out with a female co-worker as just friends. I notice him talking about her a lot and I said something about it but like all men he said it was about work.He even said to me ( YOU SEEN HER YOU NO WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE DO YOU THINK i WOULD EVER TOUCH SOMETHING LIKE THAT ) well like a fool I believed him why shouldn't I after all this woman was 10 years older then my husband and fat and ugly she was the opposite of me.He worked with her for years so she started pampering him telling him how great he was how lucky any girl would be to have you.She started looking better to him and I started looking not so good.He left me to get his own place and within this time we were dating and spending weekend together it was great we were getting to no each other all over again. 2 1/2 years later he moved back home and everything was good until I was putting away some of his things I found a card it was from a female co-worker the one he was making fun of.It said that they had been together for 3 years and she couldn't wait until they walked down the street hand in hand I was no more good my heart was so broken at that very minute.To found out that way when my husband said that their was nothing going on for so long.I felt so betrayed by him.I hope you don't have to go through what I went through because It was and still is the hardest thing I have ever been through.

Answer 3

Lot of answers here. What to do. If you love him and want to save your marriage I suggest you get rid of any jealousy you have of this said other woman. Is it possible that they really have work they are doing together. If they do than hope the project will end soon. I would feel this out. If this is the case then don't put pressure on him. It is work. When the project is over and it continues than you are in trouble and so is your marriage. I would than give him an ultimatum. Me or her. Sorry this is a really bad situation and would be a great loss for both of you.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say it but it sounds like more than just friends to me. If they weren't then why would he defend her over you? My ex was doing the same thing. Except we didn't have cell phones at the time so he was buying calling cards. Notice I said my ex? Yea, he was cheating. He was leaving an hour early for work and getting home an hour late. He told me he was working over but I started keeping track and his check stubs told the truth. Please be careful. It could be more than what you see. And I can't believe he is being so bold as to do it all in front of you. Not to mention he's not very smart.

You are NOT wrong to feel betrayed. His attention is part of your marriage and he's taking that away and giving it to someone else. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

He is most definitely cheating on you! My soon to be ex-husband was doing the same thing. I first looked in his car and found condoms then did more research and read the IMs when he accidentally left his cell phone at home. The messages were about getting together and they called each other at least 7 times a day! Wake up!!!! This is a relationship he is in with her and he is cheating on you. If your gut-level reaction is that he IS cheating, then do some research. Look at his cell phone records to see when and how many times he is calling her. Check e-mails, his wallet, credit card statements, and his car. My husband was very sneaky about it. After the first month they were together, he started paying for everything in cash. When I went through his wallet there was $2,400 in $100 dollar bills! I also hired a private investigator to follow him when he was out at night "working."
I just want you to know you are in a very bad situation, but if you have to get out of it, things do get better. My husband left the house a few weeks ago and my life has been wonderful. It is so nice not living in total chaos. My friends have been setting me up on dates and I am so happy to have gotten out of this crappy marriage! Just remember, if he is cheating, you DESERVE BETTER!!!

Answer 6

Keep your ears peeled and your eyes wide opened. A women's intuition is usually right. If I was you I would take it upon myself to speak with her women to women. She has no right to be speaking with you husband and I do not care if he says it has to do with work. Then leave it at work. She is stepping over the line. But then you really have no idea what he is telling her about the situation between the two of you. You could always go to her boss privately and explain that this women is causing problems in your marriage. You could also have him followed. I would do anything and everything to know the truth because I would not put myself through the stress or worry of not knowing for sure.

Hope everything works out

Answer 7

No, you are not wrong at all. It sounds like he is crossing the line...especially if it bothers you. That's what is most important. You sound like you are picking up on all the clues that he is at least "smitten" by her. I wouldn't be comfortable with constant texts or calls. If she's single, she may be trying to entice him her way..some women don't have any respect for the sacrament of marriage. I would be stern with him and make sure he knows how you feel. But be careful, he may just start hiding the fact that he's still talking to her. Good Luck.

Answer 8

You better do something about this quick!! When he defends her that fast, he is either close to or has already done something with her... Don't give up on your marriage too quick, do what ever it takes to save it. If it seems like you've done everything possible, then just hand it over to God and pray for the best. Remember, Pride and holding onto the past are the main problems a marriage gets into right before divorce, so be careful. Good luck.

Answer 9

No, I don't think you're wrong for being upset and worried about it. If he is working on a big project at work or if she is his secretary or assistant, then it may be understandable for him to speak to her that often. But, obviously that's not the case. The time he is spending txting and Im her should be time he's spending with you, his wife. Try to explain it to him like that. She's taking him away from time with his family. He has definitely crossed the line on this one. Good luck, I hope things work out for you two.

Answer 10

If a Christian woman converts to Islam due to marriage this can not be considered as betrayal of God since the base of any religion is Humanity and it is we humans who tamper the religion. Religion is only a guiding path for our lives.