My parents have just announced that they are getting a divorce, for real this time. They've been married for 20 year (would have been this year). I'm 26 and live in a different state. My dad is not my biological father. That doesn't really matter, he's the only one I've ever known. I'm not sure why I felt the need to add that, but I did. I have an 18 year old sister that lives at home still. This is all very strange and I'm not sure how to handle it, other that to be there for both of my parent as well as my sister. Their marriage has not exactly been a happy one, no abuse or anything. Quite frankly I'm kind of suprised they lasted as long as they have. I'm also kind of shocked by my feelings over the matter. I'm much more upset then I could have imagined. Any advice?
2007-03-10 14:42:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you can do as you mentioned, be there for your parents and your sibling. They have finally decided to try and have a real life for themselves instead of just settling for what they were use too. Everybody deserves to have some happiness before they leave this earth, so let them have their chance. 31 yrs is a lot longer than 20, and I can tell you that it's never too late to have a life for happiness.
2007-03-10 17:04:28 · answer #1 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are going through this. My parents divorced after almost 30 years of marriage. It was a shock as I thought everyone was very happy. I think that as adults we also go through all the stages of grief in dealing with the divorce of our parents as children would. For me I wondered how much of my life was a lie. I thought we were a happy family - apparently I was wrong. I would say I had two years of absolute misery and grief. The divorce was about 6 years ago. I still don't have a great relationship with my dad (he wanted the divorce). I think my mom probably confided too much in me because I am an adult (an a divorce attorney.)
It is hard and you need to give yourself time to deal with it. I imagine your sister will have an even harder time with it. Try to be supportive of your parents without taking sides (very difficult!) Make sure that you have a good support system so that you have people you can talk to about how you are feeling.
Good luck.
2007-03-11 03:25:13 · answer #2 · answered by CV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is hard and heartbreaking for all involved, no matter how long the marriage. Even though you may have somewhat expected it to happen, there's no way you could have been prepared for how you would feel about it now that it has become reality. I'm sure the same goes with your parents. The best thing is to have a family meeting and everyone talk about their feelings. There is also the issue of how you may start seeing marriage, and relationships differently because of this.
2007-03-10 22:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when people don't get along they feel they would appreciate each other more if they were apart, but after 20 years that is no easy task especially when brought upon from anger and insensitive feelings grouped together from years and years of unsatisfied living conditions together as a couple.
In some cases divorce settles the dispute and a long friendship is further enhanced in some cases only and in others it is like opening a can of worms that come back to haunt you.
I prefer to be more reliant upon faith and God good will than ones self admiration to seek another relationship and taking the burden form the previous one with them where ever they roam on this God green earth and that happens when married couples divorce for the wrong reasons.
2007-03-10 22:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to hear about your parents, you should try talking with both parents and a counselor about your feelings. This is perfectly normal. I know I been there before. The pain will go away, but communicating your feelings is important in the healing process.
2007-03-10 22:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by sweetLynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
major changes in life always cause more stress than anticipated. when something as familiar to you as your parents marriage is suddenly taken away it is bound to shake you up a little. my sister passed away recently from a long term illness and even though it was expected it still shocked me more than it should have. some things in life you just can't prepare for. given time you will regain your balance. my best wishes go out to you and your family. hang in there
2007-03-10 22:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by simplyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They timed it so that the little one just turns 18, or ready to leave the house for college. They know that life living in the same house without at least one kid as their focus is unbearable. They probably made that agreement long time ago. In a sense, they were responsible parents first.
You probably chose to ignore all the signs when you were younger. You just have to learn to deal with each of them as adults.
2007-03-10 22:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with MCC completely. They put you and your sister first all these years, staying together for the sake of the children and now they are putting themselves first for once. Good for them. Allow them their freedom. I know you are sad but you are in no way losing your parents -they should be happy too, right?
I only wish my mom and dad had divorced before she died.
2007-03-10 23:06:18 · answer #8 · answered by sunset28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your feeling out into the open and let them be aired out.
Hope your doing okey.
Your going to hurt for a wail anyway.
Good Luck to you.
2007-03-10 22:47:13 · answer #9 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you do
1. call both of them
2. tell them both you love them
3. tell them you don't want to be in the middle
4. explain that you understand when two ppl. have to separate and that you'll support them both but will not under any circumstance be dragged into their divorce
2007-03-10 23:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋