Why don't people "get" transgender people?

Question

*sighs* I just feel so alone in the world sometimes. The straight community doesn't get it, and sadly, I've noticed that many people in the gay and lesbian community aren't as tolerant or as educated about transgender issues as you'd THINK they would be either. How could I help people understand it better? I really hate that whole "trapped in a man's/woman's body" analogy becuase it's just not accurate to me.

Answer 1

Maybe because it's something completely different, and not as simple as liking a member of the same sex. Nonetheless, "being trapped in the wrong body" doesn't really explain it all that well either. People need to open up their minds and realize that we're all different, but getting them to understand and accept all of that is a whole nother subject..

Answer 2

I am a transsexual and I just try to fit into the mainstream of life as a normal woman. Since trans-genders represent a small portion of the population not much has been done to understand this phenomenon. However, employers are now a little more accepting of the transgendered person and there have been a few positive talk shows that were educational.

Answer 3

I imagine it's because most people speak to women one way and men another despite their sexual preference. In fact I think that gender is the absolute first thing one notices about another person in social interaction. This is true even in small children. Therefore, any level of androgeny may immediately set a person at ill-at ease.

The "gay and lesbian community" (where is that exactly?...LOL) would still fall into this social anxiety because they still prefer a gender and for the most part, treat genders differently. (I hate using the word "they" here...sorry)

In fact, I'd venture to say even the vast part of those who identify themselves as bi-sexual still treat their lovers and friends differently based on gender. (though not all)

I had an experience recently when I went into a Subway on Christmas eve and was the only one there other than the two college-age male cashiers. It was cold and I was muddy coming back from my hike wearing what one might qualify as teenage boy clothes (I wear a chain wallet when hiking so I don't lose it, but still have ID, camo pants, my fiance's band t-shirt, etc.) I had my hair down and I wear it long, but back in a bandana.

Anyway, I went in and they said something to the effect of "Hey, man...what's up." This is what my friends (admittedly mostly male) say to me so I didn't think anything of it. The conversation continued and at some point I realized that they, in fact thought that I was a teenage male instead of a 24 year old, thin and not flat femininely attractive (not at all boyish looking), MOTHER and PTA/Girl Scout mom of two.

I made a point to say something about bringing the subs home to my fiance and they joked that my " (opposite of euphamism for)girlfriend must eat a lot".

I don't recall the exact convo after that, but I have never seen such disgusted looks on their faces when they cleaned up their language and started politely referring to me as "ma'am".

It was funny to me and a story to tell, but I can't imagine getting "the look" all the time. Before I got married I experimented dating women. I got some dirty looks holding my girlfriend's hands in public, but nothing compared to what I got that day. These people were so uncomfortable with themselves that "the look" wasn't even judgemental...like I made them their own sexuality instead of them seeing a gay couple where they feel "high and might" and pass judgement.

I feel that while the steryoptypes are very hurtful, uneducatedand mis-leading, the fact that they exhist means that some uninformed people have made a blanket judgement whereas trans-gendered and transexual people face the "next frontier" of making their personalities and situations publicly recognized...even if it means that there will be new steryoptypes and hate developed in the process.

Unfortunately, steryotypes seem to be the uneducated coping mechanism and currently, people haven't even found this primitive coping mechanism for transgendered individuals. It's a long road to haul. Good luck.

Answer 4

I have to admit that I don't know much about the issues involved. I suppose that people are confused and a little scared of those different to themselves. There are a lot of jokes made, even here, about transgender people and I really feel for you. I wish I could offer more than empty words, but I hope things can change for the better.

Answer 5

Listen, all that matters is how you feel. Don't worry about trying to explain it to others. Be happy with who you are and don't let any one bring you down. I can't tell you that I completely understand but I don't have to. If I met you and you were a good person then that's all that would matter. It's that simple. People can like you or dislike you. If they can't get past the transgender issues than they aren't your friends and who cares. Let them be ignorant. Just be happy with yourself. There are people out there who will love you just the way you are. Good luck.

Answer 6

people learn from other people. I am sorry that you feel alone, it is not an easy place to be. Educate people. Yes i know they look at you with judgement in their eyes but educate them like they aren't judging you. That is the only way people can understand you. I would like to know more about transgender people but frankly (and i am very ashamed and feel like a hypocrite to say this) i sometimes do have some judgement. I promise to be less judgemental next time. I know what it feels to be misunderstood and alone. It is one of the worst places, if not the worst place to be mentally

Answer 7

It's hard to understand something you can't experience. Homosexuality isn't as difficult to understand because everyone knows what it is like to be physically attracted to a specific sex.

Feeling like you're the opposite sex isn't quite as simple. To be honest I see men and women as different on the outside but the same on the inside, but if that were entirely true then being transgender just wouldn't make sense. If you want people to better understand it, then just try to explain to others what it really is. It's not talked about nearly as much as homosexuality, and obviously more difficult to understand, but you can help by educating others.

Answer 8

the entire tran umbrella contains so many different things, and that really confuses people..

first thing i do is explain the difference between sexuality (who i am) and sexual orientation (who i am attracted to)

people assume anythingsexual represents orientation, so it is important to clear the air about this first.

then i go on to explain the different types of trans,,

transsexual - woman trapped in man's body

transgender - man who disagrees with gender role of acting manly/masculine, however does not desire biological sex change

transvestite - man who enjoys crossdressing as it turns him on sexually..

further math equations:

all transsexuals are transgendered too, but not all transgendered are transsexuals.

trans issues are totally mutually exclusive of sexual orientations. some trannies are straight, some are bi, some are gay..

once i lay all this out, it seems to make more sense to people..

if you don't feel trapped in the wrong biological sex then you are clearly not transsexual.. so sounds like you have correctly identified yourself as transgendered.

tell people you disagree with the man-made societal roles for you assigned gender, and that you better relate to the societal role to the opposite gender..

Answer 9

I think it is because they just can' t relate to it at all. For orientation they understand love and whatnot, all they know about themselves is that they are comfortable with their bodies with a few minor complaints. They compare those complaints to what we suffer through and can't find any common ground because of the enormous difference in the intensity of discomfort. Since they have nothing to compare transgendered people to in their own lives that even comes close they really can't understand it at all.

Answer 10

All I can do is cop to my own history of not getting it, either. It was only when a good, trusted, co-worker told me that he was FTM that I really got to examine my own thoughts. I think I ignorantly groped trans people in with cross dressing, as pathetic as that sounds. And I always hated the campy, loud, drunk living-stereo type drag queens. I found them misogynistic, and sad. This is a very different person than the man I work with.