husband is coming to get his things tommorow, how do i convince him no divorce?

Question

My husband left a week ago, after a long fight and him being depressed and me always nagging on him about what is wrong with him(I just wanted to help him, didnt realize i was getting to him) We had a yours mine and ours situation with the kids and this is devestating. He has only called once(about the bills he know nothing about) and he only text me. When i ask him in a text if he is wanting a divorce he will not answer me. I continue to let him know that i love him and want him home but not constantly. I have given him the space he so wanted.
He is coming tomorrow to get his stuff. It seems so final for someone who just left a week ago, and this was the first time this has ever happened. we have never split up.I want to talk to him about our marriage, and try to get through to him that we can fix this. we dont have to be so drastic and file for divorce so soon. The problems seem to be something we can work out if we try. unless im a fool and other things are involved...

everything seemed fine except that we had problems here and there, but it always got better. He always said he would never leave and he loved me so much. we bought a house and were preparing to add on just last week. I dont understand things went downhill so fast.

I love my husband so very much and i know he just didnt fall out of love with me. I know he loves me. Or maybe im trying to convince myself at this point

i think i put it wrong about my nagging...i was always wanting to know what was wrong. why was he depressed and maybe i was just focused on that too much.

together we have four kids...one together, but all were living here. He was the only one who worked while i stayed home with the three youngest kids. I tried to be a good house wife, i always cooked, all that stuff. I have some insecurites, i know i have things i need to work on and i want him to know that i realize i have things i need to fix. This week has been a wake up call for me but im scared im too late.

Answer 1

you just try to talk to him about your marriage, but if he is not ready to talk don't push. he probably needs space right now, why don't you take your space also and work on things you need to work on and suggest to him that you go to counseling in a week or so.

Answer 2

You're right. How could things change so drastically if only a week ago you were both planning to add on to your house? Do you have financial problems? Have you been pressuring him to spend more money than he can afford? Why was he depressed? Is he having trouble coping with some problem? Try to remain calm and encourage him to sit and talk things through. Ask him if this is what he really wants to do. Don't get into another argument. Just let him know that you love him and want him in your life. Listen to his responses. You don't sound as if you have any clue about his behavior but deep inside you must know something. Find the answer and decide if the marriage should be saved or shelved.

Answer 3

I was completely blindsided in my divorce - I thought the problems were small; but sometimes things aren't what they appear to be. My ex was having an affair and his sweetie issued an ultimatum - me or her - he chose her. The fact of the matter is this, if your husband no longer loves you there is nothing you can do to keep him. All that you do will be in vain and end up hurting you more in the long run. All you can do is let him go. Tell him you would rather fix the problems in the marriage and that you love him dearly but you realize that this is not just your decision and that he has to do what he has to do. A divorce is not the worst thing that could happen to you. Let him go and he might just come back to you but if he doesnt then you still need to raise your kids with him still being the father. Dont cry, dont have a fit - put a smile on your face and bite your tongue in two if you have to but let him make whatever decision he wants without nagging. If he still feels some love for you - be the girl he married not the wife he is leaving. Let him see the one he loved and maybe, just maybe your marriage can be saved. Good luck to you -k-

Answer 4

If you have never had huge problems like this before, it really doesn't sound like either of you are quite ready for divorce. It sounds like he needed to blow off steam and needed a break from you. Most of us have been there. All you can do right now is sit down and have a long talk. Tell him not to give up on your marriage so quickly. Things get said in the heat of the moment and with emotions running high, you can do something like leaving in the heat of the moment. Don't be surprised if he needs more time though. I definitely do not think you are being a fool though. I hope everything works out for you and good luck tomorrow!

Answer 5

Hmmm. Sounds like you're not fessing up to your part. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to make a divorce. Let me ask you something. Do you feel confident that your husband likes coming home to you? Would you like coming home to you? You have the power to change this situation as long as your husband is not a jerk, but a sincere loving kinda guy. Please read the book by Laura Schlessinger. It's called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. She has another book called The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. I strongly suggest you read these so you know where you are accountable in all this. Once you know, you can fix your part and hopefully the rest will fall into place. Your husband may be feeling so much stress and might be feeling he's in it all alone. I think you two will work it out, but someone has to make the right step. Let it be you. God bless!

Answer 6

If he is willing I would seek counselling.
You need to discuss finances so that you both are in the know.
Nagging doesn't solve anything,
You can't change him, change your approach and work on yourself.
You can't make him better, only he can do this if he wants to.
You are not his mother, quit treating him like a child.
If he has stayed away for a week you have a serious problem here.
perhaps you should get a hold of your own angers and issues and sit down with a list and discuss things point by point.
letting one person speak at a time and try to compromise on situations that are difficult.
You need to communicate and talk more and not let things pile up.
Make time for each other and show appreciation. Compliment him instead of nagging. show him you love him, hug him, own up when you are wrong and admit it.,
Stop yourself from speaking in anger. Be mature and calm and talk together like adults......

Answer 7

Listen don't tell him what is wrong with him i am sure he knows and maybe your putting him down without realizing it..Tell him how much you love him and how much you want him back and even tell him that you will try harder at being a better wife and person. Ask him if he will go with you to counsling you should call him tonight and ask him to come over and talk about things tonight and not wait untill tomorrow maybe he will come tell him that you don't want a divorce that you can work through the things instead of running away from them because running solves nothing it just makes things worse..

Answer 8

I feel for you girl. The only helpful hint I can offer you is that by law here in Florida, early in divorce proceedings both parties must attend a mediation session. You might want to call your local court house and ask if your state has a similar requirement. That has a number of advantages including it makes sure he actually listens to you (and you to him) and there is a mediator there to keep it from becoming a hurtful screaming/yelling match. Be even better if you can get him to go to counseling with you before even starting divorce, but hey if you want to save it, use the tools there are. I wish you luck, and hope for the best for you.

Answer 9

I know of someone who dealt with a situation like this. The guy snapped at some point and normally he was docile. You need to leave him alone and compliment him and not nag. If you can't get to him directly go through family members. You might need to go to a marriage counselor or somewhere else. Instead of nagging congratulate him for everything he does on a regular basis... everyone needs encouragement.

Answer 10

I once had the same situation (a hubby with depression issues). All I did is realize that it wasn't ME with the problem and I wasn't the one who had to figure things out. I couldn't be the one who decided to stay with me and get help, know what I mean? In our case, we had a short separation in which he did some soul searching (no, no counseling) that ended up with him realizing it was him picking fights and a divorce wasn't what he wanted.... here we are 1 year later!

Answer 11

you are going to have to get to the bottom of this ..maybe he sees things differently then you and has thought so for some time ...splitting up is a last resort but if he needs space give it to him but do not get too far out of his mind ...maybe you could go to marriage counseling ..I think it would help, but do not give up and when he comes ask him to only take what he needs for a week ..tell him you want to go to counseling ..tell him that this can be worked out if you will both try..do not judge him , and keep your cool no matter what ...then talk daily ..ask him if you could go to lunch or dinner one day this week ...you may have to work back to your former relationship..he may not want to go back to how things were ...so tell him there can be a new ...good luck