This is a song I now wrote, please post you opinion?

Question

I have passed through so much
couple lifetimes come as such
I never seem to get enough
and I know it must me tough

CHORUS (below)

I believe the sun won't rise again
the same way it did yesterday
I'm astounded by it's pain
as it turned red everyday

Reminding us of how it is
to live life such as it gives
the faux that's the way it lives
well that's just the way life is

Chorus:
I can't seem to be the same
as days go by
I can't believe it's just a game
I can't just stand-by

I pull myself into an abyss
with the strengh to walk
I realize it's just like this
Dizzy and pale as chalk

CHORUS repeat two times



p.s. I know I don't have that much talent for songs, and that the chorus is mentioned before, but I tried to make it fit.

Answer 1

Actually, your ryhming is inconsistent, and it's hard to deceide, exactly, what you're trying to say throughout the song. However, I really like the last stanza. It is very well written. Focus on that thought and build your song from that point. Love the last line!!! good luck.

Answer 2

My suggestion, maximum singer songwriters initiate off with unhappy significant lyrics and that they the two get sadder or happier. To me im generally in a good temper and that i dont permit unhappy songs get me down yet i think that in case you will write a tragic song, keep in mind a element on your existence once you felt like entire crap, and channel those thoughts into words. on the different hand do exactly an identical for a happier song. you spot there somewhat isn't any might desire to place different persons in undesirable moods with unhappy songs, except your attempting to inform your thoughts.:)

Answer 3

This is not a bad song, but if you want to make a stronger statement take your song apart ...find mistakes ...write it over again ... look up definitions of different words use a thesaurus to find different ways to say words ...play around with the song ...besides making it rhyme it should flow lyrically.

Answer 4

EXCELLENT!!! but if got music, is even better

Answer 5

cool!!!