I need to know how to think for myself?

Question

i always have trouble thinking for myself. i am always looking at other people and see how they do things. it's like i have no personality of my own. I am always imitating my friends. i feel like a fake and fear that i am going to be "found out" and people will start to hate me. I need to know how to stop this. can someone recommend a good book on this topic?

thanks alot

Answer 1

First of all people are not going to hate you because you try to act like them or do what they do . I think alot of people go through what your going through we all want to feel like were (cool) or that we have peoples approval. The truth is that we all pick something up from someone else For example clothes are sold by those on TV we see wearing them we see that looks cool so we buy it . Don't be to hard on yourself when you beat yourself up you take away from yourself, you start going in a negative way and then you start feeling bad. You have to realize that you can do whatever you want. Its easy for someon to say just be yourself but that to some is very hard. Just do things you love doing wear things you like, you have to first appreciate who you are and know that there are things that you do that no one else does. A book i would recommend is called A Purpose Drivin Life by Rick Warren.
Youll be alright just don't think that your the only person like that if you new the truth about what the other people think they have to same thoughts as you

Answer 2

Your not alone. A lot of people don't want to be seen as an outsider so they pretend to agree with or go along with the stronger personality.

I'm not an expert, but here are my thoughts.

No point in making a fuse over things that don't matter, so if you disagree with the gang, choose the important things first. You must never compromise your morals or beliefs, but you must know what they are.
I suggest you make a list of subjects - God, family, friends, education, drugs, money, politics, appropriate dress, foods, everything, for which, you should have an opinion.

Next, take each one and write down how you feel about each one. You need to block out all other opinions and come to your decision on each subject. For example:

Money: it is a necessity so I must prepare for a job. education is the best way to prepare so I must stay in school and I must spend time learning what is being taught
(or whatever you feel about money and everything you feel about money)

The point of this exercise will be to learn about yourself. If you always go along with the crowd, this may not be as easy as it sounds. Do the best you can.

Then, read what you have written. You may have changed your opinion since you made you list and comments, so correct it. Refer to this often until you feel you can express and defend your view. When you are in a situation where you would have gone along with the crowd, you can make your own decision based on your confirmed opinion.

If you always go along, your friends already know or soon will know that you are easy to use. That they can manipulate you into doing things they don't have the guts to say or do.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

You're too worried about what people think about you. If you've thought about what you choose to do before you do it, thought about the consequences and made sure that your actions are hurting no-one, then it doesn't matter a damn what other people think.
My mother has this problem to the point that if we went to Macca's for lunch, she would only eat the same that I would, she couldn't have a Big Mac if I was having a Quarter Pounder! She's diabetic, so I had to be really careful what I ordered so she didn't have something that would send her sugar level too high! Have you thought about the pressure this puts on the people around you?
Just because you choose to wear something that is different, or say things differently, or have a different hobby, or listen to different music etc etc, is no cause for people to think badly of you, so feel free to choose your own preferences. If one of your 'friends' is going to criticize you for your decisions, then they're not really a friend, and not someone you should be around. You'll find that if you just be yourself, people will like you for who you are. And you'll like yourself better too.

Answer 4

God gave you a brain, therefore you should use it. Be confident in yourself, that is the more important thing.

stop imitating your friends. Be confident. Find friends who you share common interests with.

Hope this helps!