me and my husband have trust issue's how do we get the trust back?

Question

we have both cheated once and said we want to start new do you think it will work or do we need professional help

Answer 1

"Cheating" is never the problem. It is always a symptom of a bigger problem (EX: not spending quality time together, growing apart, not feeling special, money issues. etc..) To move forward both of you must first identify the problem and then work on resolutions. What you have on your side is you are both willing to stay together, so you obviously love one another. Also, do not beat yourself up over the other women. This will only drain you and take away from who you are. Keep looking forward and work on not repeating the same mistakes you both made in the past. Communicate! Good Luck.

Answer 2

I would highly reccommend professional help here. However, the only way you're both going to be able to trust each other again is to not cheat anymore. It will take some time as well. I have a good friend who cheated on his wife, she wouldn't allow him to go on business trips for awhile after that without a family member staying in the same hotel room with him (they have a family run business--so that works). It probably took them a good 5-8 years before she felt she could completely trust him again.

Answer 3

Yes it can work out. You don't need professional help. You need to be able to talk about what you did to each other and work through the anger and hurt. Support one another and acknowledge each others pain. Comfort one another. It's OK to talk about what you did, that's therapy but if things get heated take a break and regroup. It could take years to get over but this could make you closer. You both know what else is out there and you know what you have at home. We've all seen the old couples who've been together 50 years, who seem so comfortable together. I assure you they've been through rough times too. It's about seeing it through, toughing it out. You can do it. The best is yet to come. Good luck.

Answer 4

Anything is possible if you both put yourself in this relationship 100%. You both have to keep no secrets and remember that the past is to be left in the past. I wish you both the best and I would also suggest couples counseling from a professional.

Answer 5

its all a giant leap of faith. At some point you have both got to decide if it is worth it.
You have got to tell yourselves, love without trust is not love. A marriage without love is no marriage.
Is it worth living together miserably, or do you take that leap of faith and decide you aren't going to hurt each other anymore. You have got to make a committment to let it go, once and for all.

Answer 6

if u both love each other then definetly it can work. if u both r going to be faithful to one another, then i dont think u will even need counseling. u guys obviously know each others pasts and secrets. so now that they r out in the open. then u guys will be fine. good luck. i am glad to see that there r people out there who get past those things and r willing to work it out because of love!!!! good luck to both of u

Answer 7

Go with an open marriage. You avoid the guilt of sneaking around, can sample what you like, and still come home to each other at the end of the day.

Answer 8

You trust by forgiving. Distrust comes from not forgiving. If you don't forgive your husband, you won't be able to trust anyone esle, because you never forgave. Forgivness is unconditional love which breeds trust. Fore-Give. Give Before...unconditional. Jesus Forgave.

Answer 9

You have to be willing to give full disclosure about everything, and I do mean everything! You also need to get real with your marriage on the level of why both of you cheated! and no I think you will need a marriage counselor, because you got a lot of issues to work through so they wont reappear in you marriage! Here are some of them and if you even answer "NO" to any of them get 3rd party help for your marriage NOW!
Was it revenge for something?
Was it a fling?
Was it a chance for something new?
Were you in need of sex?
Was he in need of sex?
Was it because he was tired of you?
Was it because you were tired of him?
Did you think of his feeling's before and after you cheated?
Did he think of your feeling before and after he cheated?
How were the affairs disclosed,and what was the breaking point?
Is this an isolated event in either of your lives or are you fooling yourselves?
Can either move past the offending persons other partners and hold your tempers?
Is it possible for either of you to not only make a new start, but move forward together?
Is it possible for you to dis-guard the past in argument and not bring up affairs either of you had?

Forget trust RIGHT NOW, just try and move forward day,by day, and try and rebuild FAITH in you spouse and he in you, then trust will return, but it's going to take "years" of hard work on both your parts!

Now for the hard part, You will never have "BLIND TRUST AGAIN" ever!!!
The trust that you will develop will be an honesty that will be better, then what you had before, and will wonder why you even wanted blind trust to begin with!

You must start with this premise what occured will occur again if you don't work on your marriage together, as a TEAM!!!

Give him some forward trust by telling him from this point on you will be his and only his.
Now here's something that really worked for wife and I and made her think twice about cheating, She sigmed a post-nup and in it was a clause that stated if she were to become pregnant, I could without rebuttle from her ask her to have a paternity test by way a of Ammio!

When I first got married wife cheated, and I stated divorce proceeding's against her!
I went out every night and "GOT SOME" ( not proud of that) until I really hated myself. My wife wanted to give us another chance and we decided to get help, after a lot of taking to a marriage counsel, some straight talk form both of us and what we wanted in our marriage, we started a 5 month separation that if either one of us wanted to either invite another for sex we would sign divorces papers and walk away clean, with no regrets from either of us or anger!
We just celebrated our 16 year together!
It's been a hard work, but well worth it!
We adopted 4 boys from one side of family or another. We are in the final stages of adopting her little 1/2 sister right now , we are also raising her two nieces, from her sister who decided to try robbing bands and is dong 15 years to life in prison, and my nephew who's mother decided to have a "SWINGERS PARTY" at her home and her 13 year old son found out and called police , she's got a felony conviction and is doing 6 months on weekends, and 3 to 5 years probation. now and he's awarded to us now for the duration of probation.
We got a lot of thing and blessing in our lives but it wasn't easy and it won't be for you either , But I would not change a thing that brought us to this point in our lives! Try and have faith and go to a marriage workshop once a year for a weekend or two after counseling we do that every other year and enjoy finding thing out about each other still after all this time, and the SEX has never been better!!!
Hope that helps you!
You got a long road ahead of you but remember anything worth while is hard and well worth the trouble!
Good luck to both of you.

Answer 10

We went through the same thing. It can work, but it took us a long time. It's all about communication.