should i split up with my fiancee of 4 years?

Question

We've been together 4 years and i feel really lonely and alone in this relationship. She is very jealous of my daughter (aged 7) and our relationship. We have a very close father - daughter bond. Last year i found out she was seeing someone at work, luckily i found out right at the beginning before anyhing heavy happened (i think). It took her a year to find another job and that year was very difficult for me to live with. She always seems side tracked or tired and we havent made love for about 7 weeks or so, i cant really remember. Our sex life has never been that exciting or regular anyway. I always get texts from her saying how much she adores me and loves me but i just dont get that 'vibe' when we are together. If i try to resolve how i feel it always seems to fall on deaf ears and i feel as though i'm wasting my time. Its like she lives in a safety bubble and everyting is ok until she has to step out of it. Should i quit this relationship? I dont know whats normal anymore?

Answer 1

If the relationship doesn't seem right, It's probabally best to try a trial seperation. Date some other people, see what life as a free man is like. Then come back to it, and choose if you think it's really what you want as your future.

Answer 2

Well 4 years, is a long time, and especially if you've had sex with her, you in a way prolly have ran out of the "magic dust"..you've seen eachother inside out.. it just sounds like your bored of eachother and have no surprises left. Your daughter has to come first and in a sense it just brings baggage into a marriage.. so if she already is jealous and you spot problems now, chances are they will just increase over the years in your married life. Anyways, this may seem a little negative to you, but do you honestly think if you are having problems after 4 years of being bf/gf.. you can last 20 years or so husband and wife?

Answer 3

I don't think anyone here can tell you to break up with someone, but you have a 7 year old daughter that you are very close to (Finally, a good, solid responsible father!) and you will need to protect her and not bring in issues or other problems into your home. I do think it is apporpriate to just say that you can't see marrying her without sorting through some things, and unless you are positive they are resolved, maybe put marriage on the back burner? Good luck!

Answer 4

I,ve been with my BF for 8 years and we've had similar down moments as you're experiencing. You can't always take such drastic steps although sometimes a short break from each other helps you to remember why you guys fell in love in the first place. I'd be wooried too about the difficulties she's experiencing accepting your daughter. Remember, your daughter will always be the #1 girl in your life. Perhaps you guys should get a good relationship counselor. My boyfriend and I went to one and it really helped us open up with eachother.

Answer 5

Apart from your daughter your situation sounds just like a relationship I was in - only I actually went ahead and got married. My mum kept telling me it was normal, that no-one stays 'in-love' and after I was married her advice was 'you've made your bed now lie in it'.

It was the hardest decision I ever made to move on and leave him. But in retrospect it was the best decision I ever made. I'm now married again and this relationship is so different, we are still in love after 8 years of being together and although its not always easy there is the basis of trust, firendship and something indefinable there.

It is really hard to do it and i understand you not wanting to uproot your daughter from secure life but you do deserve happiness and it is out there for you. You might spend some years alone but it will be worth it. A healthy relationship is supporting and will encourage you and your daughter to be the best that you can be. You both deserve to be loved.

Good luck

Answer 6

In your heart, you have already split up. Think about being married to such a person. Is that you - ? I get a yes, you should end this one. But it should be done with love and care where one of you walks one way and the other one walks the other - it is called amicable. Friendly. There is no need to hurt one another just because the magic is not there any more. There is very little either of you can do to manufacture it after it has gone. Read your question over again. You will see you have already answered your own question, and I agree with you.

Answer 7

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there are many reasons I do not think this relationship is gong to work.

1. Anyone who is jealous of the relationship with your daughter is never going to be right. Your daughter will be aound for the rest of your life - do you want to put up with this jealousy forever.

2. Will you ever trust her not to want to stray again.

3. I have been with my other half for 16 years but our sex life is more active than once in weeks. (after 4 years we were very active and experimental.) Will one of you stray when it comes to a virtual stop in a few years time

4 most importantly - from what you say, there does not seem to be that healthy, happy sharing between you.

I know you say she is sending you text messages. But maybe she is in love with the idea of being in love. If she really loved you none of the above would be a problem.

I am sorry If I have not said what you want to hear. But I can only go on what you have said in your question.

Good luck

Answer 8

First of all, I must say four years is a long time to be engaged without setting a wedding date. Either you or her must not be ready to make that kind of commitment. It sounds like you have a lot of problems in your relationship. Jealousy of a child in a relationship is a red flag that your relationship is in serious trouble, not to mention an unhealthy sex life. It really sounds like you either need counseling, or you need to call it quits. Only you and your fiance know whether it is worth saving and working out your problems. My suggestion is to sit your fiance down and have a long talk. Remember, once you truly love someone you will continue to love them for a lifetime; however not all love relationships are good or healthy for you, nor are all relationships meant to last a lifetime. Breaking up is never easy, but sometimes it is best. I wish you both luck, you both deserve to be happy, and your daughter deserves to be in a healthy relationship with her step-mother. Good luck to all...

Answer 9

if you are having these thoughts then you should end it.

i can understand why you asked this here its such a big decision and you know you have to make it yourself but you want to put it to other people to decide for you.

this is something you must do yourself but it must be scary. as this will no doubt affect alot of people and youf life and family.

from what you have said, the relationship has come to a natural end and you need to get out.

it is no good being with someone who is jealous of your child. that is very selfish.

you need someone who has their own children ideally to understand you situation.

just try to think, what it'll be like either way, in 2 years time.

if you end it...in 2 years she will be a memory and you may have met someone new who appreciates you and your daughter

if you don't end it... you will be in same situation wishing that you ended it up 2 years back and still wondering what you should do.

i cannot really help, ultimately this is your life and your happiness at stake.

good luck

Answer 10

You have got to go with your heart..the fact that you are here questioning it tells a lot...sounds like she is good on paper only and that is not a relationship worth the paper it is printed on......Don't you want ..don't you long for ...a Happy relationship where you feel like smiling everyday and can't wait to see her ..and sex is a Major part so at only 4 years it should still be great..my goodness you have a lifetime if it is so/so now think in 10 years...you can find the right one but you have to be available to do that ..