is this poem good????

Question

some people are strange, well from my view,i like things that take my time, it makes me feel so fine, computers soccor the fun never ends, i hope i dont affend, but when you get me mad, youll be left one the edge, and i shall be different, well to some, some people are strange.

Answer 1

My initial reaction was, "HUH!?"

But then I read it again and then one more time. I think you have something. Work with it a little, I think it could be really profound.

Answer 2

You have good potential and this is more of a free thought poem then a structured ryhming one--- here are my suggestions for improvment...


some people are strange,
well from my point of view,
I like things that take my time,
and make me feel so fine.
Computers, soccor,
the fun never ends!
I only hope i dont affend.
But when you get me mad,
you'll be left one the edge.
I shall be different,
well to some,
for some people...
are strange.


try some of the writing sites where you can get reviews and feedback.. I am a meber of one for over 3 years we earn stars and $ and they have contests too1 I wonderful thing to be involved with as young as you are you could go very far! Hey that ryhmes! haha

Answer 3

it depends.

to an essentially conservative thinker like me, it sucks. it lacks any sort of coherence, rhythm or structure. but, then again, poetry these days is supposed to be all about challenging old hat stuff like the Romantics anyway, or something like that, blah blah blah. i for one always thought modernism and post-modernism were a load of trash...

besides, there is no such word as 'affend' - it is spelt 'offend'. No poetic licence can excuse that...

Answer 4

well.... its not horrible, it jumps around a little, try picking one or two of the main topics, like write a poem about how people are strange, or one about what makes you feel good, or being mad, a poem should flow, not an expert but i hope my thoughts help

Answer 5

nope actually it kinda sux..why dont you write a poem about stuff that goes on today like how people are addicted to the net, or coffee or shopping..here lemme help you out a bit..this is a poem i made it's kinda weird but maybe after reading it you'll get an idea

As soon as Belle’s breaths became quieter
And her snores deafening, Sam squirmed uneasily.
The agonizing wait until her sleep
Seemed to have taken centuries. Slowly and
Cautiously, like a snake waiting to pounce on its
Unaware prey, he slithered out of the hard bed,
Scurried to his real haven, and pounced on the new,
Enticing, black chair already fatigued by his
Long, and frequent visitations. The gritty
texture of the weary chair, its warm seat,
And its sour, salsa-like fragrance comforted him.
His quick breaths slowed down, the beads of sweat
Splashed to the ground, and his chapped lips
Curved into an asymmetrical smile. He drew a sharp
Breath and turned on the computer.
He commended his willpower for lasting almost
Two hours and nineteen minutes, and rushed to
Open the Internet Explorer. Just imagine how
Many online friends may’ve pinged him! Just imagine
How many e-mails need to be sent! Just imagine
How many bids he may’ve lost on Ebay!
The magnetic light from the monitor hypnotized
Him as his eyes darted rhythmically from one
Webpage to another. His right claw seized the
Mouse while his left rested on the keyboard.
When the voice exclaimed, “You’ve got mail!”
His heart skipped a beat and he grinned delightfully.
The greasy keys clunked as he began to
Blog about his tense and grievous life in the past
Two hours and nineteen minutes.


and this one's about coffee addiction:

I heard it just days ago: the soothing euphony
Of the espresso maker’s gurgling liquid and popping
Bubbles. At first I discarded the symphony as being
A simple hallucination that happens when an
Overworked, overstressed, and overused brain
Tries to function at seven in the morning. No matter
How I tried, my stubborn brain could not reject
The comforting rhythms of the coffee-maker. As I
stood in front of the healing machine, I was mesmerized
By the coffee’s black color and strong aroma. Almost
Immediately, however, the churning foam and the
Glistening bubbles began to form a distorted visage of
A pleading woman. The eyes, filled with sorrow
And disappointment, flickered as the bubbles popped.
The mouth, half-opened as if it was going to beckon me,
Garbled nonsensical syllables. Shocked and
Frightened, I avoided the hissing muttering the whole
Day. However, the next day, as soon as I stepped
Into the office, the coffee-maker began to speak to me
Again, but this time it was in – English! I clearly
Understood its thundering orders and like a bee
Attracted to honey, I was allured to the fascinating
Liquid of doom. My hands shook as I poured the
Coffee into a white, Styrofoam cup. Slowly, I
Picked up the cup, put it to my mouth, blew on
It, and sipped it. I savored to hot coffee as it
Rushed down my throat, charring it forever.
O, coffee-maker! Healer of the morning blues!
A wave of terrifying yet pleasing titillation ran
Through my body as it prepared to welcome the
New guest. After several moments, I was already
Riding on the caffeine rush. The next day, and
The day after, and the day after that, I continued
To heed to the coffee-maker’s orders by consuming
More and more caffeine each day.

Answer 6

Needs more work to emphasise the theme you want, along with punctuation & spelling. Keep trying! :-)

Answer 7

i think u could do better no offense i get it but u can tweek it some i think it has its points tho

Answer 8

not my cup of tea, you could put it to a rap beat i guess

Answer 9

silent sisters... we won't tell
Cristal & Cristine...
can u tell us apart?

Answer 10

it needs a lot of work......sorry :(
peace