Jivana stood by silence, with not even her sainlty breath around her. Her lace sleeve was disrupted by a teared away hole,that reflected darkness, and seemed to go through her skin. Her body, shaking, vibrating of the sense of fear that captured her. She couldn't even feel her hands anymore, but could tell that they were already severely damaged by the rope that tied them harshly. She lay there, kneeled, with her knees pressed to her chest, just enough space to contain her, young but already with gray strands because of her body's weakness, she started to feel as if a great stone within her was rising, it caused her pain. Then she felt it coming up her throat and was already choking when it advanced even more, and now she felt it's sudden beat go through her nose, and her eyes. She flashed with pain again, and now clearly felt it's beat in her eyes. She was about to chout when it was suddenly gone.It was out of her body. Right then, a blood tear went down her cheeks.Her breath stopped.
2007-03-10 12:51:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Honest truth. If i picked up this book in a bookstore and read it, i would have put it back halfway through the second sentence. My opinion is way too much discription.
(Would you like some coffee in your sugar?)
2007-03-10 17:10:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A few typos and grammatical errors, but very descriptive. A true novel in the sense you say a lot but could have got your point across in two sentences.
2007-03-10 12:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by henryinalgona 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nicely, on the beginning up, i ought to assert to augment your character extra desirable. The remarkable angel going to burning a ineffective physique in all fairness interesting, yet in step with threat there could prefer to be extra desirable tricks on the beginning off up, besides basically a dream that propels her to attain this. additionally, now and decrease decrease back, seems, dates, and popularity are actually not sufficient to describe an angel. there's a splash superficiality in her. If she is "accepted", is she biased or self sustaining? Will she help the "accepted" student, or will she additionally help the "unpopular" student? Does she turn down the dates that she often gets? Or does she settle for them? If she accepts them, does she ever fall into conflicts with dating previous boyfriends? Does she have any particular pastimes, something that fascinates her? boost her. i'm able to additionally recommend to 'recommend' that she's an angel. the way an angel interacts with others is distinctive than, say, how a bitter widow interacts with others. the way she clothing, the way she thinks. She additionally recognized extremely "whiny" interior the beginning off up. i substitute suitable right into a splash taken aback that she objected to waking up early. Her mom retaining mum for 2 hours, then popping the actuality, could characterize that she thinks her daughter isn't stable sufficient to handle dying until finally she's completely conscious. How her father dealt with her jointly as she substitute into alive seems very stable, as she did not look to have any subjects because of the actuality the angel. it extremely is extremely confusing as she wanting to burn the physique. She additionally seems to be on astonishing words including her mom. even nevertheless, the way she all as we talk committs arson implies there are underlying subjects under her angel outdoors. in step with threat hint at them extra desirable on the beginning off up? How she believed her dream to be actuality additionally recognized extremely unusual.
2016-10-01 22:09:10 · answer #3 · answered by bergman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may need to rephrase things, fix typos. You need to fix grammatical errors. (ex: her lace sleeve was disrupted by a TEARED AWAY hole; should be torn hole. Other wise, I love the description, and from what I get from the plot, it sounds interesting, keep me updated!
2007-03-10 13:25:58 · answer #4 · answered by Ruthie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but i couln'd understand what you are talking about in your book. How old are you? with not even her saintly breath around her? a blood tear? young but already with gray strands? sorry !
2007-03-10 13:21:06 · answer #5 · answered by artislife-lifeisart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a few grammer errors but very descriptive and i can picture it. really good! it will be a great novel! i will buy it if its published! =)
2007-03-10 13:01:56 · answer #6 · answered by Kacie S. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pretty good. needs a little more work, but it's cool.
peace
2007-03-10 13:10:01 · answer #7 · answered by Shadow Lark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! pretty good
2007-03-10 13:02:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋