To the point of break down?

Question

Let me get to the point before i start to explain y i feel this way..

Okay i have serious anger issues...i used to get angry about any thing and hit people all the time and say hateful words.. but i have toned it down and kept it tucked away for a whole year now(such progress right?)..

The reason i have tried to control the anger is because i want people to not think of me as the "psycho" but as a friend or normal froend.. just me..and thats wut ive done ive been nice and pretty normal but for some reason tehse people i think are friends just tear me down after ive made such progress..

No matter how nice i am i get the occasional "psycho"..."crazy"..u kno like people would make these remarks as if i was made of steel..

It got to a point where I would cry myself to sleep evrynight thinking of how no one seemed to care ...no one seemed to like me for me... I used to cut but i got over that too..
(more details to be continued)

Ok...so as i was saying.. I barely cry anymore.. its like im bottling up all of my feelings of hatred and resentment.. Every time i feel a little bit of sadness coming i burry it dee inside even tho i times i can feel it trying to burst out..

Is it that im not important.. That i dont belong her any more..maybe its just that im a waste of space and air.. No one cares and i dont kno why i think im worthy of them caring about me or wut i feel...i just feel alone no matter who surrounds me..and i dont know what to do..

Can some one please tell me y people act this way.. i mean really ..is it me?? i just dont know any more....

Also does anyone kno why i always have this feeling of non worth..like i always say and think negative things about myself...I wouldnever even dare to say i thought someone like me(as in a boy) because i feel liek my friends would think "yea right, who would like her?"... I cant shake this negativity i feel like is eating me up inside along with the pain..are the two connected?? Maybe i should see a shrink..

Answer 1

Changing yourself is an experience that can only be accomplished by being humble. Accept that you WERE a person with problems that you have the strength to work on and change with time. You cannot base your feeling of yourself with what other people say and think. You know, even Jesus had alot of people who didn't like him. He was perfect! You are not. How can you do better?....Yet he loved them and understood that it was not about him..but was about them. That is the example to follow. People can always be angry and cruel....but having lived through that..can it not help you to understand what they think and feel when they act that way? Just a thought. I congradulate you are the efforts you are making to be a better person...it's what we all should be doing. Some have a harder time than others. Feel for them. You know what its like.

Answer 2

you need to find the reason for your anger. Suppressing it will only last so long before you explode. You need to work out your anxiety in a different way other than anger and find new ways of dealing. This sounds like a coping method you have adapted for yourself. Its easier to get mad than to realize whats really going on and address it.
In order to stay calm, you have to be calm on the inside.

People steer away from angry people, so if people are pushing you out ,then maybe its time to self evaluate. Try to see yourself as others see you.

Chin up girly. Everybody goes through a rough patch in life. Dealing with it will make you stronger!

Answer 3

first its good you recognize and were able to 'rework' your mind, thats a very good thing, most people can never do that.but now your internalizing, you can only bottle up so much before its gonna spill out..or blow up..i have the same problems, but all we can do is work on them make them better, right ? i hate that they want me to be perfect, if theyd only seen how far ive come!!! email me if youd like, ill talk to you, sometime all we need it to get stuff off our chests and actually have someone write back.. people dont understand, us 'crazy' folks should not be ignored, a simple phone call saying hey, how ya doing usually mean sooooo much...hang in there, your not alone...:)

Answer 4

Having the "psycho" or "hothead" reputation takes time to live down.
I was really angry after my divorce. I started taking paxil for 6 months and it helped alot. Just give it time and keep making prgress and they will come around.

Answer 5

it helps if you talk to someone. i hate to hear how someone like you can hurt so much because they're bottling up inside. it sounds like me in a way, except i still have my anger issues.

Answer 6

you don't have anger issues
you have control issues

you can't control how others behave

you can only control how you behave
and how you respond
to others' behaviors