My husband has been having cybersex for years and I found out six months ago. Since then, he has not commited himself to counseling for more than a few sessions and has completely lost his sex drive. I've waited to make love for 6 months already and nothing has changed. I've tried joint counseling, romantic nights, having time alone, etc.. but he is not commited. After reading logs and logs of cybersex and him having "female fantasy friends" by email, I feel so unloved and unwanted. Especially since he doesn't want to make love or touch me for over 6 months. We've tried Viagra, but it didn't work. I'm ready to move on or at least have a male friend. I miss my husband, but at least finding a male friend to talk to or hang out with can help me get out of this "feeling unwanted state". It wouldn't be behind his back. I've told him and he said he would divorce me if I had sex. How long do I have to wait?
2007-03-10 11:01:52 · 7 answers · asked by nyfever2004 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why are you still married? You both obviously want other people and not each other. You want a 'male friend', he has been having an Internet affair. What's the point?
2007-03-10 11:12:29 · answer #1 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A marriage can only be saved if both partners want to save it and are willing to put in the time and effort. I think divorce is wrong in almost all cases, but a marriage has to have TWO contributing spouses.
From your question, it doesn't sound like either of you are willing to repair your marriage - he won't commit to counseling or find the solution to his lack of sex drive, you're looking for a male friend after being pushed so far.
I don't blame you for feeling unloved and unwanted, I'd feel the same way. It seems like you've been working on this marriage alone for awhile, and have just about reached the end of your rope. But be the adult here - if he isn't willing to get the help he needs to fix your marriage, move on before starting with someone new. Regardless of the history, cheating is never okay, and that's what it would be as long as you're married to him.
You both need to make the decision together - either get into couples counseling, or contact a lawyer.
2007-03-10 12:23:32 · answer #2 · answered by ~StepfordWife~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd call and have your Internet Service cancelled. Even if it means you not being able to use it also. Your marriage comes first.
Of course if you do cyber banking and bill paying, this may seem like a inconvenience, but, mailing in your bills would be better than enabling your husband until he gets his focus back where it needs to be,........which is in the confines of your home and marriage.
You can also take control of the computer if you want by making yourself the exclusive Administrator and "YOU" only knowing the Password.
If he's willing to go to such lenghts as to go to a Library to use a computer to contact his online girlfriends, then it's time to put him on extreme notice.
Anyway; he needs to get away from the computer and realize what he is doing is damaging your marriage.
2007-03-10 11:15:45 · answer #3 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my wife had an affair ten years ago, I went through a round of cybersex just to try and vent. It can be addicting, and for your husband, he is so long gone he won't even try anything else. You need to prepare yourself mentally for the fact that your hubby is mentally gone, he has trained himself to enjoy the thrill of online sex and the live physical stuff isn't going to turn him on anymore. You are in a very tough spot, but stand strong and be firm. You deserve better, and yes, I think you should consider divorce.
2007-03-10 11:11:25 · answer #4 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, from experience I can tell you...my ex did the same thing. I sacrificed, scrimped and saved so we did not take lavish vacations, etc. just long weekends. He decided to spend 10 days with this women he was cybering with. He came back the day before our 20th anniversary and I asked him if he F***ed her. He replied yes. On our 20th anniversary I filed for divorce. It was worth it. As far as your husband not wanting sex with you? He is too tired from wanking off with other women and he can't get it up for the woman that should mean the most to him. And he has the gall to tell YOU he would divorce you if you had sex? Why are you waiting? Who is HE to tell you to wait? Give him an ultimatum. He is hooked on getting his jollies from strange women. I'd watch my kids if I had any with him but then again, I'd be filing for divorce. What you describe IS grounds for divorce.
2007-03-10 11:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by ladygwen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a girl not a boy .I can use a home girl want to talk more .But I'm not gay unless .You role like that my name is Natasha,ShaVaun,McBath aka Lady Baby contact me at( n_mcbath@yahoo.com) for get your old husband you will meet more than you ever dreamed of so let's talk girl what's your name bye girl!
2007-03-10 13:20:21 · answer #6 · answered by natasha m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good grief he's been cheating on you for years; and this has nothing to do with you so don't think it does; if he's not going help, divorce him
2007-03-10 11:10:23 · answer #7 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋